


My Little Phoenix

by WriterfortheTylwythTeg



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Brothels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gang Rape, Gangbang, Gore, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 12:09:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 68,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8979142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterfortheTylwythTeg/pseuds/WriterfortheTylwythTeg
Summary: Astrid rescues Hiccup after he was taken by pirates four months ago. However, his mind and body have been shattered by starvation, abuse, and worse. Now, Astrid is left to pick up the pieces and try to find the mind of the boy she loves amidst the tendrils of darkness that hold him hostage. But the healing process will be long and difficult.





	1. One Night Butterfly

Astrid Hofferson was only twenty years old, but she had seen more crazy and terrible things than many people three times her years.

"Ease him down. That's it. Astrid, go grab those poultices. We'll need them after we clean him."

She knew she would see many more crazy and terrible things before she died.

"Poor lad. Poor, poor lad, such a beauty he was, and then for this to happen…"

But none of them would ever come close to being as mind-numbingly awful as the sight before her eyes now.

Hiccup. Her poor Hiccup, barely a gleam of his former self, so thin and small in that wooden tub they had placed him in. But Venka had the right of it; he was so filthy, covered in dark dirt, bruises and dried blood. And as the other woman held his lolling, unconscious head, Astrid could see that his lovely russet hair had become matted in places. Then her stomach turned when she saw a few lice and fleas leap from the mats onto the floor.

The healer, Venka, a woman not much older than Astrid herself, lifted her head from her patient to regard the girl.

"Could you help me?" Venka asked, "His bath will go faster if we both work on him."

Putting the poultices down on a table, Astrid moved to stand by her side. Venka handed her a bar of soap and told her to lather her hands. Astrid did so.

"Wash his hair," the healer instructed, "I'll wash everything else. It'll be easier to look at his injuries once he's clean, and he'll feel better for it."

Astrid nodded curtly, taking over Venka's job of holding Hiccup's head in her hands. As soon as Venka began to scrub his shoulders, Astrid prompted herself to move and began to run her fingers through his filthy hair. Soon, she was gently untangling small mats (the larger ones she would have to cut out), annihilating the fleas and lice with her hot, soapy fingers, and revealing the lovely, reddish locks she knew existed under all the thick grunge.

Astrid's body was here, cleansing Hiccup of the physical evidence of his ordeal. However, her mind was a million miles away over the land and across the sea.

Some four months ago, pirates had attacked one of their sailing longboats, and though they had all fought with the might and ferocity of Thor, there had simply been too many of them and too few Vikings to fend them off. Astrid and Hiccup's father had been among the Vikings on that ship. In order to keep the pirates from slaughtering them all, Hiccup had offered himself as a hostage. The pirate captain, a man who might have been handsome if he'd had more teeth, had looked him up and down, and then leered at him in a way that made _Astrid_ feel naked. She could only imagine how uncomfortable he had made Hiccup feel.

"You sure?" the captain asked, "You'll never see any of these people again, you know. I'll make sure of it."

Hiccup had glanced back at the other Vikings, all being held at sword point or gun point. He had met Astrid's eyes, and she had seen the Adam's apple in his throat bob as he swallowed thickly. But his voice had come out steady when he answered, "I'm sure."

"Very well!" the pirate captain had laughed, and signaled to two of his men to shackle Hiccup's wrists in front of him before they began to shuffle him onto the gangplank that connected the two ships. As he was shoved none too gently along, Hiccup had craned his neck over his shoulder desperately for a last look at the people he loved. His eyes were huge with overwhelming terror, and soon he began to tremble with it as well. It was so visceral that Astrid could feel it clog her throat and sting her eyes. She lunged forward, only to have Stoick pull her back down, a tight mask of barely suppressed rage and grief on her chief's face. The pirates retreating with their captain across the gangplank still had their guns pointed at them, preventing them from following.

"Hiccup, please…!" she had begged, tears falling hard and fast down her cheeks, "Please don't do this…I'll kill you myself! I will, you idiot!"

"I love you," Hiccup had replied, a crooked grin gracing his white lips, "Just don't forget that. See you around, okay?"

And then he had reached the pirate's ship, the gangplank was pulled up, and they had sailed away, the Vikings unable to follow thanks to the holes in their sails.

But Astrid had let Hiccup's last words to her fuel on a four month long hunt that had led her all over the known world searching for him, from Sweden to Iceland, to Gaul, then Rome all the way to Briton. They had found Hiccup in a crude little cell on an island just off the coast. The prison had been abandoned; perhaps because those that had run it had gotten word that the Vikings were coming. They had been smart to flee then, but Astrid still wished her axe could have slurped up their blood and dug into their bones in vengeance for the agony they had put her through.

Even more so when she first caught sight of Hiccup in his prison cell.

He had been completely naked and alone in the rank darkness. The only available light came from a lantern attached to her belt, and when the light touched him, his skin had gleamed as white and sickly as a corpse. His skin had clung to ribs, hipbones and spine, evidence of a body so starved it had been forced to cannibalize its own muscles in a last ditch effort to keep itself alive. Astrid had swiftly kneeled down beside him, and when she had touched him, his skin was clammy and too hot, strands of hair heavy with sweat sticking to his forehead. Astrid faintly noted that he smelled like vomit and excrement as he lifted his lifted his head slowly to regard her.

A second later he had jerked from her touch, eyes dilated and absolutely swollen with terror. Hiccup had scooted into a corner and mashed himself against the concrete wall so tightly it looked like he was trying to become one with the structure. He shook hard, his breath coming in rapid bursts that whistled sickeningly in and out of his lungs; he appeared to be on the verge of hyperventilation.

It was then that Astrid noticed the copious amount of blood coating his rear and thighs. Some of it was dried. Some of it was fresh, and it was leaking under him currently, the wound torn by his frantic movements. She was struck dumb and breathless for a moment as she tried to absorb what that could mean.

But thankfully, she was pulled out of her sick musings by Hiccup's voice. She suppressed a shudder when she heard how thin and raspy it sounded, the sound of someone who hadn't had a drop of water pass their lips for days.

"No more," Hiccup had moaned in a barely audible rasp, "Nomorenomorenomore, please _please_. Oh Astrid, where are you? It's dark and I'm _so cold_ and tired and I hurt! Shh now, easy boy, I won't hurt you, trust me trust me…"

Astrid blinked hard as she watched him curl into a defensive ball rock back and forth, burying his head into his knees he had pulled up to his chest. He was muttering a soothing string of words she recognized as the words he used to calm wild dragons like it was the only thing he had in the world to cling onto, and she felt her heart crack in her chest.

Astrid shuffled across the filthy stone flood until she was crouched in front of him. "Hiccup, it's me. It's Astrid. I'm here, and I'm taking you home."

"No," Hiccup shook his head and lifted it, "Stop it! I'm not falling for it this time"-

"Hush." She touched his shoulder, and he flinched violently once more.

"Go away. Or, am I dead? Please tell me I am. I want to go home, I want to go home…"

Astrid touched his shoulder again, and this time he didn't react. So, she ran her fingers up his neck and into his hair, rubbing his scalp gently. He leaned into her touch with all the desperate energy of a freezing kitten finding a warmth hearth, or a person who hasn't felt a kind touch in months. His ribcage shuddered around a dry, painful sounding sob, the prominent bones pushing so hard against his thin skin she was sure they would break through.

"Astrid…?" he whimpered, and Astrid wanted to cry at how _hopeful_ his voice sounded. It was the voice of a person shown sunshine after only knowing darkness, love after only knowing hate.

"Yeah," Astrid had answered, and then smiled. "I love you."

At those words, Hiccup had flung himself away from the wall and dove into her arms, pressing his face into her stomach. His back heaved and he released a guttural, screaming sob that pulled itself straight from his hollow gut. Astrid's arms had wrapped around him in return and she had folded herself over him, feeling his prominent ribs shudder and jerk as the tortured, delirious animal in his soul cried its release.

And after he had cried himself into exhaustion, Astrid had taken him home on the back of her dragon as she had promised. And now he was here, brought out of the womb of darkness and being reborn in clean sunlight and warm water in the loft of his home.

Astrid scrubbed through his hair slowly, her fingers digging in luxuriously as she massaged his scalp. She jumped when she heard a moan escape him, thinking perhaps she had hurt him. But his eyebrows were smooth and relaxed and his breathing was easy. It was a moan of pleasure, then. Smiling softly, she continued her ministrations, working along the base of his skull and running her fingers upwards. Another moan and a shiver rewarded her efforts, and a warm thrill danced around her heart.

Venka laughed softly. "There's a lot of nerve endings in your scalp," she explained, "That's why it feels so good when someone brushes your hair. It forces you to relax."

Astrid nodded in agreement. She recalled many evenings holding Hiccup's head in her lap while she ran her fingers through his hair, enjoying the way the silky strands clung to her fingers and released his wonderful scent into the air. More often than not after a few hours of her ministrations his head would grow heavier and heavier until he eventually drifted off, soft snores the only sound breaking the peaceful silence.

"He'll need all the relaxation he can get, I supposed, if he's going to get better," Astrid said quietly.

"Hmm," Venka affirmed. "If you're done on your end, I'm done on mine."

"Yeah." Venka didn't fail to notice that although Astrid's hands were no longer soapy, her fingers were working down his neck almost absently, bringing forth little sighs and twitches of awareness from him.

"Well, let's get him dried and under the furs, then we'll see what we can fix," the healer said, standing up. "Ready? Lift him up."

Astrid hooked her arms under Hiccup's armpits and hauled him up out of the tub and upright onto the floor with surprisingly little difficulty; he was no heavier than a puff of smoke anymore. She looked away respectfully as Venka began to dry his naked body with a large cloth, focusing instead on his detached metal leg propped up against the opposite wall. When the healer gave the assertion that she was finished, both women worked to lift the boy to his bed and deposit him among the many layers of furs that lay upon it. He immediately began shivering and continued even after Venka and Astrid had pulled several blankets on top of him. When Astrid began to look concerned, Venka explained to her what it meant.

"It's the fever," she assured her. "This shivering is only going to drive it up higher. We'll have to find the infection and drain it. Stay by his head unless I need you."

Astrid sat down on the bed and lifted his head into her lap while Venka began her examination by his shoulders. Judging by her lack of reaction as she skimmed down to his torso, she wasn't finding anything of significance that Astrid could see apart from some shallow cuts and large bruises.

Well, nothing of significance until the healer pulled down the furs and exposed the evidence of Hiccup's starvation.

A rush of air left Astrid's lungs without her consent. Hiccup had never been stout to being with, but now it appeared as if he would blow away if a strong wind came along, or break in half if he was held too tightly. His legs would mostly certainly snap if they tried to bear his weight now, all fat and muscle sucked away to feed his vital organs. He had become a shrunken, barely recognizable shadow of the boy she loved.

What had they done?

Venka felt along his sunken belly and ribs, mumbling, "That rib was broken at one point, but at least it knitted back together," before bending down and placing her ear over his abdomen. Astrid watched, unsure of what to make of her actions, before the she lifted her head and regarded Astrid gravely.

"I don't hear any gut noises," Venka sighed, "It's just another sign as to how long he's gone without food. He's so empty his guts don't have anything to move along inside them. Now, don't worry lass, we'll fix that soon enough."

Astrid shook herself. Yes, of course, she was being ridiculous. Hiccup was home now, where there was steady supply of hot food that would very soon make all of those sharp bones disappear under layers of healthy fat once more and a determined girl who would be pouring this food down his throat every time he asked for it.

Venka had moved down Hiccup's body a little further and was feeling along his kidney and bladder area. Astrid watched with dismay as Hiccup's brows drew together tightly and a small whine escaped his throat. Venka sighed. She had been afraid of that; it was a sign of severe dehydration, but hopefully nothing that a good supply of fresh water wouldn't fix. Astrid smoothed her fingers along his temples in reassurance, and Venka moved down to inspect his legs.

"You said there was blood on his thighs when you found him?" the healer asked, lifting his good leg slightly.

"Yeah. A lot of it."

"Maybe he got cut badly somewhere around there and it was left to go rancid. Could be the source of our infection."

However, after several minutes of looking and finding nothing but a few abrasions that weren't deep enough to cause the copious amount of bleeding Astrid had described, Venka had to refute her hypothesis. The older woman straightened up from the bed and sighed despairingly as she realized she only had one option left.

"Sorry love," she whispered to Hiccup. She looked up at Astrid. "I'm going to need you to come down here and hold one of his legs. I need to get a look at his behind."

Astrid's eyes widened in disbelief, but she obeyed, gently setting Hiccup's head down on the pillow and making her way down to the end of the bed by Venka's side.

"Just hook his leg over your shoulder, Astrid," Venka instructed. She had to hold back a snort at the blush that adorned the younger girl's face as she did as she was told, lifting Hiccup's bad leg and letting it rest on her shoulder. The blanket barely covered his dignity as it slid away from the movement, and Astrid only blushed deeper when a slice of smooth, pale thigh was revealed. She averted her eyes and swallowed hard, again choosing to focus instead on Hiccup's metal prosthetic still propped innocently against the wall.

Venka meanwhile set Hiccup's other leg on her shoulder, removed the blankets entirely, and began her examination. It wasn't a moment before Astrid, still looking away, heard the healer announce, "Yep, here's the infection. Oh, the gods save this poor boy, what did he do to deserve this?"

"What is it?" Astrid asked, instantly alert, but not moving her eyes.

Venka gave another quiet noise of disbelief and sympathy. "Well, he has several tears in his back passage. The infection has set up in there because, not surprising, a lot of toxic stuff passes out of there."

Astrid couldn't suppress a sympathetic groan. She couldn't imagine how painful that act had to have been for him.

"But that's not the worst part," Venka continued.

"It's not?" Astrid whispered in horror.

"Some of the tears are already healing while some are fresh. I can only draw the conclusion based on the placement of the bruising on his thighs and groin that he was also raped several times over the course of his captivity."

Astrid's brain screeched halt. "What…?"

"I know. _I know,_ love. But you can't think about that right now.

"I…Venka, how could you say something like"-

"The fact this happened to him means that he needs you now more than he's ever needed you in his life. Now you can stand there with your mouth open or you can grab me those poultices I had you mix before."

Afraid that if she opened her mouth, tears and obscenities would flow out of her, Astrid silently set Hiccup's leg back down on the bed and walked over to the shelf she had set the bowl of poultices on. After she grabbed them and went back to Venka's side, she was aware of the beat of her heart in her ears, the angry fire scorching in her veins, and the wind whistling through the new, gaping hole that had just been torn in her heart.

"Thank you," Venka murmured, and motioned for Astrid to hold his leg again. When she had done so and the younger girl had averted her eyes, Venka set to work cleaning the wounds.

"What am I going to tell his father?" Astrid mused with despair.

"Don't worry about that now," the healer replied, "Stoick is still out there hunting down those pirates that captured Hiccup. And you know he won't return until he has every single one of their heads mounted on a spear and their guts used to string his men's instruments."

"Right." Astrid nodded, and glanced out the window. "And once I let Toothless in, he's not going to leave Hiccup's side for anything in the world."

The dragon had nosed his rider and whimpered plaintively all the way from the docks when Astrid and the other Vikings arrived home with him until they reached the door to the Haddock household. He looked so heartbroken when Astrid had regretfully shut the door on him and told him he had to remain outside (because she knew out of worry and love that Toothless would constantly be underfoot) and told him that she would let him in as soon as she could. The dragon had simply groaned in misery and planted himself firmly on the ground by the door.

"And now comes the part he's going to hate the most." Venka's voice stuck itself in the middle of Astrid's musings, "I'm going to have to reopen the wound so we can drain it."

Venka picked up a small, clean knife, and Astrid heard the barely discernable but sickening sound of the knife cutting through flesh.

"Perfect." Venka murmured to herself, and just as she was about to grab a cloth to aid her in draining the wound, all Hel broke loose.

Hiccup began to twitch and whimper, and Astrid immediately began to croon to him, murmuring soft words of reassurance and rubbing the knee of his that she held. However, this only seemed to make matters worse. Hiccup made a feeble attempt at jerking his legs away, and when he failed to do so, this seemed to send him into a blind panic. His breathing began to grow rapid and erratic, and Astrid could feel beads of sweat prickling along his leg. The gazes of both women were drawn to the head of the bed just in time for them to see his eyes snap open and a scream filled with the terror of a hundred demons tear itself loose from him.

 


	2. Drowning in Fire

Hiccup began to twist and writhe with all the strength his shrunken muscles could provide him with, his eyes open but not seeing anything around him. And shrunken though they were, when powered by the adrenaline his body was pumping him with, his muscles still retained a substantial amount of power. Certainly enough power that he could injure both Venka and Astrid, and in his current state of unawareness, himself as well.

"Astrid, hold down his arms!" Venka ordered, "I'll get his legs."

Astrid rushed to the head of the bed. Without thinking, she lifted Hiccup into a sitting position, planted herself behind him and held him tight against her, pinning his arms to his sides with all of her strength. Venka held his legs down by his knees, leaning all of her weight against him.

After a few minutes, Hiccup's meager reserves of strength were sucked away and he proved to be no match for the two Viking women. His screams dwindled into pitiful whimpers and his thrashing died down into tremors that wracked his body like chills. His head fell limply backwards, and Astrid allowed it to rest against her shoulder. With a sigh, she and Venka relaxed their hold on him.

Suddenly, Astrid, who had her arms around Hiccup's middle, felt his stomach contract, and the words "Venka, get the basin!" barely had time to pass through her lips before he leaned forward and vomited.

Astrid, who held him upright as his back heaved and his belly clenched, felt extremely concerned but not surprised that only a small trickle of bile and some saliva was all that his stomach had to expel. Even so, his body heaved and shuddered even after it was empty. Finally, Astrid heard a dull, sickening pop, felt Hiccup's ribs shake as they sucked in a jagged breath, and felt him fall limply against her once again. She didn't even realize how hard she was breathing until the room was completely silent.

"What on Earth was that?" Astrid asked, bewildered.

Venka raised an eyebrow at her from the end of the bed. "Consider where I was just poking around. What do you think he thought was happening?"

Astrid's eyes widened and a small "oh" escaped her lips. For the hundredth time that day, she held back tears and decided to hide her grieving face in Hiccup's hair instead.

The healer shook her head. "Don't worry about it, lass. It's not his fault; he doesn't know he's safe. All he knows is that he's scared and that everything still hurts. He's just fighting to protect himself."

Astrid wrapped her arms around his middle a little tighter and murmured against his hair, "I'll make him feel safe. I'll protect him from now on."

"I know you will."

Venka retreated to the wooden tub still set up in the center of the floor, and the sound of water dripping filled the empty silence. She returned a moment later with a cloth and handed it to Astrid, telling her Hiccup's face needed to be cleaned. Astrid nodded numbly and tenderly wiped the sweat that beaded on his forehead, neck, and shoulders away. His breathing was a little off, she noticed, and pressing her fingers to the pulse-point in his neck, she felt that his heartbeat was too fast and weak. Feeling helpless, Astrid bowed her head and pressed her lips to his temple, and it was then that she noticed the warm dampness spreading through the blankets beneath Hiccup. A quick sniff revealed what it was, and Astrid realized with dismay that he had lost control of his bladder muscles as well in his fit.

"Venka," she sighed, "He wet the bed."

The healer nodded, seeming unsurprised, and changed out the soiled blankets for fresh ones. Then she took up her post once again at the end of the bed between Hiccup's legs. Figuring she meant to continue draining the infection, Astrid rose to help her. However, Venka raised a hand to stop her.

"Stay there, lass," she said gently, "You can just hold him. It's obvious you both need it. I can manage."

The Viking girl sat back down heavily, cradling Hiccup to her chest once again. And this time when Venka began poking around the sensitive area, Hiccup's only protest was a feeble cry and a spasmodic shudder. Astrid crooned soft murmurings of "it's okay" and "easy, oh don't make that noise please…"

And when Hiccup began pleading in a fervent, desperate voice, "No more, no more please no more. It hurts! It hurts so bad," she couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

000

"His fever's taken an upward turn. Astrid, hurry with that packed ice! If we don't get it down, he'll die."

"I have it, Venka!"

"Good, put it by his neck and head. It'll cool the major arteries up there."

"Hiccup, hold on, don't you dare give up!"

"His pulse is too fast. Come on lad, keep breathing…"

_Hiccup wished he could stop breathing. He very much wished his heart would spontaneously burst inside of his chest. He felt hot and sick and he couldn't stop crying no matter how hard he tried._

"I'm here. I'm here with you, Hiccup. Feel my hand? I love you so much…"

" _Your woman won't want you when I'm through with you, boy."_

" _Easy now, shh…shh, trust me…" Hiccup murmured to himself through his tears._

" _You want to make some noise? I'll make ya holler then."_

_Something tore audibly, and Hiccup curled in on himself like a dried up insect, crying out sharply._

"Get the basin, Venka! He's going to throw up!"

"His body can't take much more of this. His heart is beating so hard I can see his pulse in his neck."

"Is that...?"

"Blood. Oh dear Thor and all the rest…"

_Hiccup's attacker didn't even slow down. He kept pounding into him, hands gripping bony hips, taking him the same way a hound takes a bitch in heat; no feeling, just hormone-driven instinct tinged with a desire to dominate._

" _You don't deserve dignity. No someone as pretty as you. This is the only position you deserve to be in, and it's only one you will be in for the rest of your life."_

_He can't take this anymore. He screams again, louder this time, and he swears he feels a vocal cord burst and fill his throat with blood. Hiccup doesn't exist anymore; he is Pain incarnate, burning alive and forever denied those scraps of pleasure dangled in front of his eyes by his subconscious. The fire washes it all away and tears away at his being, starting with his ass and working its way up._

"He's going into shock! We need to"-

_Ithurtsithurtsithurtsit-_

"HICCUP!'

_It all goes dark._

000

Something within Hiccup coils and stretches repeatedly like a cat waking up after a long nap. It knows he's safe and free and tingles in his ribs, nuzzling his heart dancing up his spine where it urges him to bask in the sunlight and moonlight. It wants him to breathe in air free of mildew and sex and anxiety. It wants him to look and see where he is.

Hiccup opens his eyes with a herculean effort; the lids are as heavy as boulders and his eyes themselves hurt. Luckily, it is night, as far as he can tell by the smell of the damp grass filtering in through the window and the sound of the crickets chirping. And he smells something else, something pressed right against his nose, something sweet and warm and soft.

Astrid.

The fog that has his mind under firm siege dissipates a little, and he can feel a solid warm shape that presses all along the length of his body. She's asleep, lying next to him, and Hiccup can feel her arms encircling him, holding him to her. The back of his head is being cradled tenderly by one of her hands, and his head itself is resting in juncture of her neck and shoulder, her chin atop his head. The other arm is around his shoulders protectively, and in his fetal position and still too-warm brain, he feels much like a child in the care of its mother; Astrid is a wall against all outside intrusions, and as long as she's here, nothing can ever hurt him again.

He tries moving his heavy limbs that feel numb with disuse, and he gives a small pained whine as he feels where Venka made her incision to drain the infection. He shudders involuntarily but violently.

" _Welcome to the home of a dirty mind, little whore."_

" _I'm not a- Ow, stop it, that hurts!"_

Now he's whimpering for a whole different reason, and he presses his face a little tighter into Astrid's shoulder.

"Hiccup?"

Astrid's voice is thick with sleep, but she sits up quickly, looking down at his face. She sees the glimmer of moonlight in his eyes, and she gasps when she realizes he's awake. He blinks at her. His vision is fuzzy.

"Home?" he asks, his voice a dry rasp.

"Yes," Astrid replies with joy. She runs her fingers up through his bangs, pushing them out of his face. It's cool now. "Thank the gods. Your fever broke. Oh! Hold on, I'll be right back."

She carefully steps out of bed and leaves Hiccup's field of vision for a minute. He hears shuffling, and suddenly she back with a small cup in her hands. She sits on the bed beside him again and situates his head onto her knees.

"Water," she explains, and brings the cup down to him until the rim touches his lips. His eyes are so heavy though, and the fog is beginning to fill his brain with a heady intensity. Astrid tilts the cup forward until the cool liquid is touching his upper lip encouragingly. Suddenly, the fog pulls back enough for his brain to register that she is giving him _water_ and this is the first water his dry mouth has encountered _in so long_.

His body is eager, but weak, and Astrid watches as his lips begin to work and suck at the cup, drawing the water out. Inhibitions almost nonexistent in his barely-awake state, Hiccup's eyes slip closed in bliss and a tiny squeak of pleasure leaves him.

However, closing his eyes probably wasn't the best idea, because his body registers this as consent on his part to fall back asleep. The fog floods his brain again after a few moments and overwhelming exhaustion begins to snuff out the alert gleam in his body.

Astrid watches him grows listless, his breathing slowing into sleep almost in front of her eyes. Luckily, most of the water is gone already and she removes it from Hiccup's lips to place it on the floor. She removes Hiccup gently from her lap and lays down beside him again, pulling him into a position similar to one she had him in before he woke. Although now, her arms encompass more of his body; one arm rests across the back of his shoulders and the other wraps around his waist. She lets her head rest momentarily on top of his, letting him be draped in her hair and in turn resting her nose in his hair. His breathing is so steady; so rhythmic that she's sure she's lost him to slumber, so Astrid is surprised when he mumbles a single word into her shoulder.

"Safe?"

The word is so quiet, so full of cautious hope waiting to be crushed without remorse (like it probably has been over and over again over the course of the past four months) that she feels her chest tighten. Astrid wraps herself around him determinedly.

"Yes. You're safe now. I've got you."

Astrid feels his subtle sigh against her skin, a sigh full of contentment and someone reassured who desperately needed it. This time, his breaths lengthen and deepen into true sleep. And to her delight, she hears him begin to snore softly.

 


	3. The Scent of Awakening

The light that sneaked through the window in the loft the following morning was warm and gentle, like a lullaby sung at dusk to a child at the end of a day filled with adventure. However, that wasn't what woke Hiccup. If anything, it only forced him to burrow even further under the furs that covered him, where with a few sleepy moans and a deep, contented sigh he plunged into blissful darkness once more. Sure, he could feel the throb of a few aches inside his body making pleas for his attention, but his exhaustion had overridden the pain by far.

Later that afternoon, the aches seemed to conspire to flare all at once, and flare intensely. Hiccup opened his heavy eyes with a groan, feeling as if his entire body was throwing a tantrum. Every part was competing for attention to be attended to first. His muscles were weak and sore, and in the wake of his fever all of his insides felt as if they had been put through a meat grinder and dumped back into his throbbing husk. He felt every heartbeat in all of his wounds (especially the one in his rear, which burned like hot iron) and beneath the skin of his lessened ribcage. However, amidst all the pain, he allowed himself the opportunity to feel the skin over his ribs stretch and relax as his ribcage expanded and contracted with his breath. He felt himself listening to his heartbeat in his ears against his pillow, and came to a wonderful realization.

He was alive.

He was alive and the time of unknown terror was over.

The knowledge smelled like ambrosia and tasted like milk and honey. It seeped into his head, trickled down his throat and curled up warm and cozy in his breast. Suddenly, the invisible lock and key that held his muscles tight with anxiety and the perpetual alarm that he had kept in his brain were smashed, and cast away. Hiccup's body grew impossibly heavier with the realization that he didn't constantly have to be on alert anymore, didn't have to constantly tense up in preparation for a blow, and that touch was a force that would heal him and not destroy him. He began to drift off again, shutting his heavy eyes…

A particularly painful throbbing in his bladder brought him to complete awareness and forced his eyes back open. Hiccup winced, but the sensation didn't surprise him; he couldn't remember the last time he had relieved himself. It had obviously been far too long, and now the poor organ felt as if it was about to burst.

Well, he couldn't keep laying here, not unless he wanted to end up having an accident. Hiccup propped himself up on one arm and hissed, immediately feeling faint from even that slight motion. He kept his head lowered for a moment until the blood made it back to his head. When he finally lifted it, he blinked away his fuzzy vision, and then came to a realization after scanning the room.

No one was there.

No one was there, the arm holding him up was already trembling, and if he was that weak and dizzy, there was no way he was going to be able to sit up long enough to use the pot. And sadly, he honestly felt too sick to care about his pride. Pride had no place when you felt weak as a newborn baby and your bladder was aching to the point that you were beginning to sweat. So, he called out into the emptiness of the house.

"Astrid? You here somewhere?"

Oh gods, his voice sounded _awful_. He barely even recognized it as his own. Yet, his vocal chords were vibrating in his throat, so it had to be his, no matter how much it resembled the dying croak of a bear instead.

A moment later, a huge kerfuffle began pounding up the wooden steps that revealed itself to be Toothless with Astrid in tow. The dragon's whole body was wiggling and his eyes were wide with joy. He was crooning hard and excitedly as he bounded over to the bed and placed both front feet onto it, sticking his nose next to Hiccup's face. Hiccup laughed softly and placed a hand on Toothless's nose.

"Hey bud," he said, "Miss me?"

Toothless only butted him with his head gently and shoved his nose closer. He waited for Hiccup to hug him and was confused as to why he wasn't doing so. But then, upon closer investigation, he noticed his rider smelled…wrong. He smelled sour like sickness and hunger and sweat, and Toothless made a low worried noise.

"It's alright, Toothless," Hiccup assured him, still stroking his nose, "It's okay…"

Astrid walked over to the bed as well, smiling. "If I left him outside one more day, I think he was prepared to claw the door down to get to you."

"No kidding?" Hiccup answered, grinning back at her. "It's just as I thought. He forgot all about me."

The dragon gave an indignant snort that ruffled Hiccup's hair and only made him laugh some more. Astrid leaned over to pet Toothless on the head as well.

"Did you need something, Hiccup?" she asked. "Sorry I wasn't here, I was making some lunch downstairs."

Hiccup sighed and Toothless removed himself from the edge of the bed. "Yeah. I need to…go."

Astrid raised an eyebrow. "Go," she repeated.

"Bad," Hiccup emphasized, wincing and crossing his legs.

Seeing that, it clicked in Astrid's mind. "Oh 'go!' Of course you do! Alright, um…"

She moved to the other side of the bed and gazed at Hiccup critically.

"Can you sit up?" she asked.

Hiccup shook his head. "Can't even lift my head without feeling dizzy."

"Alright then. I'll just have to lift you myself."

Hiccup didn't object to her idea as Astrid bent down then to retrieve the chamber pot from under the bed. She then removed the blankets, exposing his upper body to the cold air, and he shivered. Carefully, she lifted his torso from the bed, hooking at arm around her shoulder.

"Just let me do all the work, okay?" she said, and then looked at Toothless, who was still standing on the other side of the bed. "Come here Toothless. I need you to help me lift him, please."

Toothless immediately obliged, coming to stand by Astrid's side. The Viking girl continued to lift Hiccup until she had him in a sitting position, and she stopped when he let out a pained groan and tucked his head in the crook of her shoulder.

"Sorry," he whispered, "Dizzy."

"And sitting hurts, doesn't it?" Astrid gathered.

She heard Hiccup swallow uncomfortably and he paused before answering, "Yeah…that too…"

Trying not to dwell on that fact, she continued to turn him while Toothless helped by nudging him until his legs were hanging over the bed.

"Okay, ready?" Astrid said, speaking to both Hiccup and Toothless, "One, two, three, lift."

Toothless slid his head under Hiccup's other arm and both he and Astrid lifted Hiccup simultaneously. Hiccup's head lolled and his body went limp and heavy. They lowered him onto the chamber pot as quickly as they could. Hiccup moaned and his chest rose and fell rapidly, shuddering with each breath.

"Easy," Astrid murmured, and Toothless crooned the same sentiment.

After a few moments, Hiccup's breathing evened, and his muscles relaxed, including his bladder at long last. However, the instant he started relieving himself, Astrid heard Hiccup hiss and let out a whimper that was half pain and half pleasure. Lifting her head, she noticed that his face against her shoulder was pinched tight and he was gritting his teeth. His face had turned very white while his lips had become almost completely bloodless, and Astrid felt the beginnings of panic stir in her chest.

When he was finished, Hiccup felt both weak with relief and like crying with pain. His lower body burned intensely and he tried his hardest not to faint.

"Alright Toothless, let's put him back to bed," Astrid said in a tight voice, "And lift."

When they had successfully placed Hiccup back under the warm furs, Astrid stayed with him for a moment, stroking his back and watching his sides heave. Toothless gently placed his head by his boy's stomach and lower body, hoping the heat radiating from him would soothe some of the pain there.

"M'okay," Hiccup mumbled. "Thanks…thanks guys…don't know what I'd do without you."

Astrid smiled. "Be a useless lump that never got out of bed."

"Exactly."

"If you think you'll be okay for a minute, I'll go clean out the chamber pot."

"Of course. I have Toothless."

The dragon rumbled appreciatively and Hiccup could feel the vibrations through the bed. He reached up and gave Toothless a scratch on his forehead.

Astrid stood up from the bed after giving Hiccup's back a last affectionate pat. She then picked up the chamber pot and carefully made her way down the stairs from the loft, and suddenly noticed something that filled her with dismay: the urine inside the pot was almost _brown_.

_Oh no_ , Astrid thought, _No wonder it had hurt him so badly to go._ She would definitely have to ask Venka about this when she returned from her other duties. Hiccup wasn't the only sick Viking in Berk, after all.

Well, until Venka got back, Astrid figured she could at least get Hiccup to drink something. The more he drank, the better he would feel, and Venka did say that they could fix the damage done with a good supply of water.

When Astrid returned with the clean pot, she placed it under Hiccup's bed once more. She was pleased to note that some of the color had returned to his face again, a sure sign that he was feeling better. The small smile he flashed her in greeting was another sign.

"Think you'd be up for something to eat?" she asked. She really wanted to get on making that sharp collar bone peaking from under the blankets disappear, and his still too pale face flush with healthy color again.

Hiccup paused to regard her.

"I probably should"- he began, but Astrid cut him off.

"You will because you don't have a choice." She placed her hands on her hips and tossed her head with a devious smile.

Hiccup lowered his head, keeping his gaze on her through his unruly bangs. "Yes ma'am."

Astrid laughed and ruffled his hair, pushing most of it into his forehead. He blew it out of his face and raised an eyebrow at her, grinning.

"Be right back!" she sang out, already prancing down the stairs. Hiccup sighed happily, and Toothless kept his head firmly on the bed while Hiccup began scratching over his right eye ridge. The dragon purred contentedly.

A few minutes later, a delicious smell appeared up the stairs with Astrid following after. She was carrying a steaming bowl and a cup of water, which she placed on the floor by the bed when she reached Hiccup's side. She then sat on the bed beside him.

"You can lean against me while you eat, okay?" she offered. Hiccup nodded eagerly, looking forward to having Astrid as a warm, soft, back rest.

Astrid lifted him under his arms gently and pulled him into her lap, letting the back of his head rest against her shoulder. She then leaned down and scooped up the cup of water, handing it to Hiccup carefully. She kept her hands wrapped around his unsteady ones and helped him tip the cup back once he had pressed it to his lips. Astrid watched his eyes close and his Adam's apple bob furiously, working hard to pull the liquid into his dehydrated body as fast as possible. He stopped when the cup was halfway empty, letting out a gasp. Astrid took the cup from him, leaned down, placed the cup on the floor and came up with the steaming bowl. Again, she placed it in his hands with her hers wrapped around the bowl as well.

"We're going to take this nice and slow," she instructed, "The healer said your stomach isn't used to having food in it anymore, so if you eat too fast it could shock your system."

"How so?" Hiccup wondered.

"Well, your body would treat the food as a poison. And what does your body do to get rid of poison? It makes you throw up."

Hiccup grimaced and said, "Alright then. Slow. Got it."

Astrid helped him guide the first spoonful of soup to his mouth, and when he sipped it, the warm, rich flavor exploded over his tongue. Suddenly, his dormant digestive system leaped into action. His mouth watered fiercely, and his digestive juices sparked to life. Hiccup tried not to wince when his shrunken, empty belly growled weakly and yawned into a black hole so vast it seemed bottomless. In the space of a few seconds, his only thought became the desire to fill his empty stomach as quickly as humanly possible.

Astrid felt his body begin to shake and heard Hiccup's desperate whimpers as he began to eat faster. She understood, really she did, that he was a slave to his starving body, and could only do what instinct commanded him to do, which was to survive at any cost. His desperation to eat, and the look of _elation_ on his face made her want to cry. This was how long he had gone without food, so long that a weak soup could fill him with this much pleasure and make him tremble like a leaf in an autumn wind. She wanted to let him suck it all down, especially when she could feel his prominent spine pressing against her front. But then she remembered what Venka had said about him eating too fast and getting sick as a result, and knew that the nourishment would only do its job if it stayed down.

So, Astrid reluctantly began to pull the bowl away. She had to bite her lip when Hiccup's grip on it tightened and he gasped, "Astrid, wait, don't"-

"You can have more in a minute, Hiccup," she assured him, placing the bowl on the floor, "Let's just let that sit for a minute. If you're still hungry, I'll give you the rest."

Hiccup looked like he wanted to argue, but instead he flopped back against her, sighing wearily. Astrid kissed his cheek sympathetically.

"Sorry," Hiccup apologized, "I didn't mean to be difficult."

Astrid raised an eyebrow at him, though he didn't see it. "You're not being difficult. You're hungry, that's all. But don't worry, we have all the food you could ever want here. You'll be as fat as your father by the time I'm finished with you."

Hiccup managed to chuckle softly. "Well, I want to put on weight, but I don't think I want to put on that much weight."

After a few more minutes punctuated only by the sounds of Hiccup petting Toothless's prone head and the sounds of their breathing, Astrid asked Hiccup if he was still hungry. When he answered that he was, she picked up the bowl and again and helped him to eat again. However, this time, he only managed a few more mouthfuls before declaring himself full. Astrid looked into the bowl and was happy to note that it was more empty than full. After placing the bowl back on the floor, she brought up the cup of water again and made him drink the rest of it. He complied with no resistance, settling comfortably against Astrid when he finished.

"That's strange," he said, "I thought I was way hungrier than that."

"Venka said that might happen," Astrid answered. "Your stomach shrunk after all that time without food, so you're going to feel really hungry more often but fill up quickly. It just means we're going to have to feed you several small meals a day."

"Does this mean you get to be my servant and serve me these several meals?" Hiccup asked cheekily.

"If that's what you want to call it, you weirdo," Astrid replied, tweaking his ear gently.

Hiccup turned around with an effort, startling Toothless, and looked Astrid in the eye. She was startled by what she saw in his eyes; they were swollen, green pools of longing, love, and gratitude beyond love. They were telling her, _You saved my life, I can't ever thank you enough, but I'll try anyway, thank you, thank you, thank you, I love you so much._ His lips worked for a moment, as if he was trying to think of something profound and appropriate to say, but when he couldn't think of anything, he closed his eyes and leaned forward, pressing their lips together in a soft kiss. Astrid shivered and then responded, her mouth moving against his and bringing her hand up to dig her fingers in his warm, russet hair. Hiccup melted into the sensation completely. This was what had kept him going these past four months of darkness and misery, the thought of being back in the arms of the woman he loved.

They parted for air when Toothless barked indignantly, clearly miffed that no one was paying attention to him anymore. He had allowed his rider to stop petting him so that he could eat, but he was done being charitable. Hiccup and Astrid broke apart, red in the fact and laughing giddily. They both patted the dragon on the nose, and laughed more when he shoved his head demandingly further forward. Astrid felt her heart warm when Hiccup turned around again and leaned his forehead against his dragon's.

"I love both of you," he murmured, "So much."

Astrid stroked Hiccup's back. "We know," and Toothless rumbled in agreement.

The girl wasn't the least bit surprised when Hiccup let out a huge yawn as he pulled back from Toothless's forehead, swaying with the cloud of fatigue that had settled on him. Astrid carefully extricated herself from behind him and laid him down, settling him amongst the cozy furs and covering him warmly.

"What…" Hiccup began, before he was cut off by another jaw-splitting yawn, "I only just woke up. How can it be time to sleep again already?"

Astrid laid her warm hand against his wan cheek. "Obviously you have a lot of sleep to catch up on. Not only that, but that's the biggest meal you've had in a while, I'm guessing, so your body needs you to rest so it can concentrate on digesting it. Just do what it wants, okay?"

Hiccup nodded, eyelids already drooping. He grabbed the hand on his cheek. "Stay?"

Astrid smiled. "Of course."

She climbed onto the bed beside him, wrapping her body around his and draping an arm over his stomach. She placed her head in the crook of his shoulder and felt him nuzzle her hair. Within a few minutes, Hiccup fell victim to the siren call of sleep. Astrid lay next to him contentedly, feeling the warmth of his body, hearing the purr of his snores and listening to the little gurgles coming from his belly as it happily digested his breakfast. She placed a loving kiss on his neck and sighed, falling into a doze a moment later.

Toothless regarded the pair with curiosity. He knew that Hiccup and Astrid were mates, and he knew that they were a strange pair to him, but this was an extra strange kind of strange. In his world, male dragons protected their mates and females protected their young. But it was very rare that a female would come to the rescue of a friend. Yet, a fierce protective energy was radiating from Astrid. It was in every move she made, like the way she took care of him so tenderly and the way she held him like she could protect him from all the evil in the world. Toothless sighed. Humans were strange creatures overall. Pleasant creatures, but strange all the same.

The dragon curled up on the floor by the bed. Astrid wouldn't be the only one on watch for Hiccup today.

 


	4. The Child Forever Gone

"I just realized something," Hiccup said quietly.

"What?" Astrid asked as she cleared away the mostly empty bowl that was all that remained of Hiccup's second meal for the day. He had woken up earlier that evening after his short, hard sleep, and to Astrid's delight, said that he was hungry once more. "That it's not a good idea to go sledding during avalanche season?"

Hiccup, who was sitting up in bed, raised his arms over his head and let his back arch in an exultant stretch. "I told you, I learned my lesson. I didn't like being trapped under twenty feet of snow any more than you enjoyed searching for me. Anyway, that wasn't it. It's March now, right?"

"It is."

Hiccup scooted back down under the blankets and sighed, feeling very warm between them, Toothless' head that suddenly appeared on top of his side and sandwiched him to the mattress, and the silky thick soup that now gently filled his belly. After four months of feeling numb with cold in various different ways, this was a sensation he'd learned not to take for granted.

"I missed my birthday," he declared sadly, "It was in February."

"Well, you won't miss it again," she said, "And how old are you now, gramps? Should I have gotten you a walking cane?"

Hiccup replied, "No, but I'll probably need one next year." He paused to laugh when Astrid did as well. "I'm twenty-one now."

"Yeesh, I better add a pair of eye-glasses to that list," Astrid said as she placed the bowl on a dresser and made her way over to sit next to Hiccup on the bed. She leaned over his prone form with a hand placed on either side of his head. "For now, the only gift I can give you is my lovely face every day."

Hiccup's heart began to pound against his ribs and he sighed over-dramatically. "I guess I'll just have to live with that."

Astrid giggled good-naturedly and then tenderly leaned down a pressed a kiss to his lips. Hiccup happily reciprocated, bringing up an arm to rest on one of her biceps, a little upset that he wasn't strong enough to do much else. Astrid had placed her hands on both sides of his neck. She could feel the eagerness thrumming through his body, but also knew that he still had trouble sitting up for long periods of time, never mind in any condition for a full blown make-out session. So, for his own good, she kept the kiss brief, pulling away no matter how much her four-month-long deprived feminine core wanted to practically cannibalize his mouth.

She could see her pulling away had been for the best, because Hiccup's cheeks had flushed scarlet while the rest of his face had become alarmingly pale. Toothless nudged his rider's arm worriedly, sensing the change.

"M'fine, Toothless," Hiccup panted, willing for the blood to return to his head.

After making sure that his lips were in fact losing their grey tinge and become pink once more, Astrid bounded down the steps from the loft again with bowl in hand, promising to return momentarily.

Once she reached the bottom, the single, horrible thought that flooded her chest was that Hiccup had been pure before all this had happened. Not just metaphorically in soul, but literally. He had been a virgin as Astrid was still, both of them waiting to give each other their highest value. Now…

It was as if some of the light in Hiccup had been stolen away by those that had pierced him in every way a person can be pierced. They had replaced that light with darkness, and the thought made Astrid feel lost and sick. But a new thought came to her that stopped her knees from shaking and added steel to her backbone. She would be the one to suck that darkness out of Hiccup and take it upon herself. She would do anything, _anything_ , to make him pure again. She would ensure the light of the heavens would filter into the holes of his wounded soul and fill him up with liquid exuberance once again.

_She would_.

As she was finishing cleaning the bowl, Astrid heard a knock on the large wooden doors. A moment later, Toothless came bounding down the stairs, obviously hearing the sound too. He pressed himself close to Astrid's side, a growl rumbling in his throat. Astrid stroked his head soothingly. She couldn't blame him for reacting in such a manner; Hiccup was very sick, which was putting Toothless on high alert for any potential threats to his defenseless rider. But Astrid figured she knew who it was.

Upstairs, Hiccup had begun to settle into a doze, not hearing the knocking at the door and not hearing Toothless leave. However, some repressed, internal alarm deep in his subconscious _did_ hear the footsteps that began to make their way up the stairs to the loft.

Hiccup was instantly and horribly awake. As the footsteps became louder, adrenaline began to flood his body, abusing tattered nerves and forcing every system into high alert. His stomach stopped its peaceful digestion and instead opted to clench, unclench, and twist like a tiny, hot serpent had lodged itself in there. A cold sweat exploded over the surface of his skin, and every muscle tensed in readiness for fight or flight.

It was then that Venka, Astrid and Toothless appeared over the stairs of the loft. Astrid, after half a second of taking in the sight of Hiccup's feeble but desperate attempt to launch himself up and out of bed, rushed to his side, Toothless in hot pursuit. The dragon began to whine worriedly, placing his front half on the bed and nudging his friend with his nose. The instant Hiccup felt Astrid's touch and determined her identity, he reared up and wrapped his arms around her waist, clinging to her as if she were a piece of driftwood in a turbulent sea. Astrid returned the embrace, though not as violently. He was shaking hard and his heart was beating hard enough that Astrid could feel it through the malnourished skin of his chest. Unsure what was wrong with him, Astrid reacted on instinct, nuzzling her nose against his ear and murmuring soothing nonsense while running her fingers through his hair, down his neck and across his shoulder blades. She let him feel her touch, smell her scent and hear her voice; she let him vanish into the security of her, hoping it would fix whatever had brought this on. Toothless pressed his head against Hiccup's back on the other side, reassuring him with his warmth and solid body.

Apparently, what she was doing had been the right thing. Hiccup's breathing began to grow easier as the adrenaline began to fizzle out. But when he lifted his head from her shoulder, Astrid noticed with dismay that he was crying. He kept himself pressed against her tightly as he began to wipe away the tears.

"Sorry," he said. The walls of his throat were trembling and jangling his vocal chords embarrassingly. "I'll stop in a second, I swear."

His breathing kept hitching, and Astrid merely crooned some more and pulled him back towards her breast. Hiccup didn't object, body quivering and tears still spilling. He did manage to flip himself onto his back so that he was facing Venka, still standing on the threshold of the room. He managed a smile a greeting that was marred by the tears shining on his face.

"You must be the healer," he guessed. "Astrid's been following all of your instructions like crazy, believe me."

"I've no doubt," Venka said confidently. She came to stand by the bed, using the edge of her smock to wipe away the sweat and tears on Hiccup's face. He thanked her, though it sounded more like another apology. Toothless licked his face, as if to ensure that it was fully clean, and an easy smile made its way to Hiccup's face.

"Be easy," the healer reassured them. "I know that was a scary feeling, but it's just an attack of nerves and it's perfectly normal in this case. What caused it Hiccup, do you know?"

Hiccup took a deep breath and let it out, finally feeling his body begin to calm down and his nerves begin to smooth out once more. "I heard footsteps," he mumbled, as if embarrassed.

Venka nodded understandingly. "And the sound brought back memories you'd care not to relive."

Hiccup felt Astrid grip him a little tighter, protectively. "That's about the size of it," he murmured. He averted his eyes away from the healer.

"Well, when you're ready, I just wanted to examine you and see how you're doing today. Are you feeling any better? You certainly look more alert than you did yesterday."

The talking was doing wonders for bringing Hiccup back to himself. "I feel more alert. Still tired and weak and everything hurts."

"I'm sure it does. This examination won't take too long, I promise. Then you can get back to resting."

"And being a useless lump?"

"Especially that."

After instructions from the healer to lay his head in Astrid's lap and scoot as far down the mattress as he could, Venka began to look at him. She started at his abdomen, pressing her ear there. Hiccup looked up at Astrid curiously, and Astrid merely smiled reassuringly at him.

"Sounds like your system is working busily again," Venka said, "Keep up this pace and you'll be putting on weight in no time. Now let's see about those kidneys…"

She kneaded along the area of his bladder and kidneys gently, and Hiccup couldn't suppress a wince. Venka quickly assured him that she wasn't surprised the area was still a little sore, and that in another day or so the pain should vanish. Hiccup sighed with relief, but then his muscles tensed when the healer said she needed to check on the infection.

"I'll be as quick and gentle as I can, love," Venka said softly. She moved between his legs and began to lift the blanket over his knees, obscuring her head from his view. As soon as Hiccup felt her fingers prodding his back passage, he squeezed his eyes shut and let out a long, low whine. Toothless snuffled at his face and gave him a few tiny, frantic licks, while Astrid fumbled for his hand and held it.

Venka spoke up from the end of the bed. "Well, the infection is still draining, and it's still a little too inflamed, but at least it's no worse. I'll put more poultices on it and that should help."

Hiccup flinched as she applied the cool, slimy stuff to his rear. It felt reminiscent of…no, stop it. He couldn't think about that. He _wouldn't_ think about that. He would stuff those memories down into the deepest, darkest abyss inside his soul that he could find. The only problem was that those memories were like a spring; he could crumple and flatten them with his will, but sooner or later he wouldn't be able to hold them down anymore, the tension would be released, and they would explode to the forefront of his mind without warning.

"Nothing more we can do now," Venka explained.

" _Nothing you can do now."_

"So just continue what we're doing?" Astrid asked.

" _We could just continue what we're doing until the sun rises. Hell, we could continue until the world breaks apart! Would you like that?"_

Venka nodded and stood up before saying, "Exactly. Just monitor his input and output. The color of his urine should lighten up in a couple days, and his bowels should start moving again. It's not unusual for trauma or extreme sickness to stop a person up. Our state of mind has more effect on our health than you'd think."

" _Hope your girl doesn't mind if I break you in a little for her…yes! That's it, make that noise again…"_

"Hiccup? Hiccup, are you alright?"

Even while she was asking the question, Astrid knew he wasn't alright. His eyes were unfocused, pupils dilating, and muscles tensing. His eyes suddenly widened into two perfectly round windows where fear was clearly visible in their depths. His lips began to form words, but Astrid couldn't hear them. She felt her chest tightened in panic, but luckily Venka's calm, collected voice cut through her panic smoothly.

"It's alright," she said. She came up to stand by Hiccup's head. "I've seen this happen in many a Viking who's had a terrible experience in war. Sometimes people just blank out and relive a horrible moment involuntarily."

"What do I do?" Astrid asked helplessly. Toothless whined beside her desperately.

"Sometimes a familiar voice can bring a person back to themselves," Venka advised, "Just talk to him and touch him."

Astrid proceeded to do so, rubbing her fingers up and down Hiccup's temple and speaking as if she were coaxing a child out a bad dream, or a skittish animal out of a corner and into the light. It must have worked, because Hiccup's eyes focused and snapped up to meet Astrid's blue ones. To the girl's dismay, his eyes began to fill with tears.

"I'm sorry," he apologized shakily, "I was…somewhere I didn't want to be. But I never left. I'm safe now, I know that, so what's wrong with me?"

"Hush love," Venka said soothingly, placing her hand on his forearm, "You experienced a lot of trauma in these last four months. You aren't going to heal overnight, nor should you try and bully yourself into healing. Things like this take months or more commonly years to overcome. You may never overcome them and simply learn to live with them. But I promise you every day will get easier, and it will be easier for you especially because you are surrounded by so much love."

Astrid smiled bashfully and kept her eyes on Hiccup's, who flashed her a watery smile in return. Toothless gave his rider a loving lick, and Hiccup reached up a placed a clumsy arm on his head.

"I suppose I'll be on my way, then," Venka said as she stood up to leave. She collected her unused poultices and made her way towards the stairs.

"I'll walk you out," Astrid suggested, standing up from the bed and carefully placing Hiccup's head on his pillow. Toothless crawled onto the bed as best he could, practically burying his human in his solid warmth.

When the two women had made it down the stairs and to the main doors, Venka stopped and faced Astrid. She then reached into her pocket and pulled out a vial filled with a blue, syrupy liquid and handed it to the other girl, who took it hesitantly.

"It's a sedative," Venka explained solemnly, "His behavior today only proves how much he needs it. How much he _will_ need it." She sighed.

"What do you mean?" Astrid asked.

"These nerve attacks and flashbacks are only the vanguard, dear. You saw how you had to gentle him today like he was a spooked colt. When things like the nightmares start coming, it's only going to get worse before it gets better."

"But he hasn't"-

"No, not yet. His body is more concerned with catching up on sleep and physically healing. Once that happens…well, just keep that handy, will you love? Just a spoonful should do it, or two if he's really bad."

Astrid shuddered briefly, eyeing the vial and hating what it represented. "Thank you, Venka. We really appreciate everything you do."

The healer smiled kindly as she opened the door and let the cold, damp breeze in. "I know, love. Call on me any time you need me. I'll be back again tomorrow."

After bidding her goodbye, Astrid shut the door and leaned against it. Her legs felt weak, and worst of all, her chest wouldn't stop hitching.

 


	5. Oh Sweet Poison

The first full week of Hiccup's recovery was undoubtedly the longest, most nerve wracking, tear-filled and exhausting period of time for patient, support system, and healer. However, it was also the most rewarding experience of Astrid's life since she had trained her dragon. The carefully planned meals, hours of good sleep, and medicine had done wonders of turning the gaunt, pale wisp Hiccup had been into the ray of liquid sunshine he had become. Granted, he was still too thin and tired easily, but there was an extra five pounds of him that hadn't been there before, and to Astrid, that was the progress she had been hoping for, especially since Venka had concluded that in the time he had been gone Hiccup had lost almost a third of his body weight.

Astrid also couldn't get over how his skin had gone from being white to being flushed and almost golden in tone, and has had become glossy and silky once again. She never failed to show her appreciation for this fact by running her fingers flirtatiously through it, an action that always brought an adorable blush to his face. And of course, it made her melt with delight whenever he smiled now, especially the big toothy ones that reached his eyes. They were especially beautiful whenever the sun came in through the window above his bed and a warm beam would shine down on him like a spotlight. Sometimes, if the sun caressed his face just right, it would light up his eyes and bring forth the little golden flecks she knew were hidden in their green depths.

This happened one evening after they had finished dinner, and Astrid found herself wanting to cry in ecstasy at the sight: Hiccup, lying next to her on the bed, all lit up and warm and content, the infection that had almost killed him when he first came home now a scabbed over wound that only bothered him if he moved wrong. His glorious smile, the way he buried his forehead against hers in glee as he laughed at something she said, the sun-warmed scent that filled her senses; it was like he was a god delivered to her by the sun, except so much more sacred than that, because she had come a hair's breath away from losing him forever. And this is why she treasured every precious blush, every tease, every physical way he showed her he loved her and missed her with fiber of his young heart. And her feminine core soaked it all in and drowned in it happily.

Speaking of her feminine core…

They had kissed many times since Hiccup had returned, mostly just quick pecks that were meant to be comforting or affectionate when the time seemed appropriate. That was how this kiss initiated by Hiccup started out; affectionate and warm with a hand against her cheek and one of her hands on his shoulders as she happily reciprocated. Yet, something almost visceral began to stir in Hiccup that he felt compelled to respond to. It was a sensuous creature that moved fluidly between his ribs before it giggled impishly and sent blood flushing between his thighs. Shivering in response, Hiccup's kiss began to grow more animated, tongue pushing gently past Astrid's lips to explore what he had missed since his capture.

Holy gods, _had he missed her_.

Hiccup rolled onto his back, pulling Astrid with him. She didn't miss a beat, breaking only for a moment for breath, before climbing on top of him fully, straddling his waist. She could feel every rapid breath of his rising and falling diaphragm between her legs, touching the most sensitive area of her body and sending blood flushing to her sex in response. She laid her hands on both sides of his face while his hands gripped her shoulders. Her hands slipped down his face, down his neck, and came to rest on his bare chest. She broke away from his lips to kiss his neck, admittedly her favorite place to kiss on his body. And why not? The skin on his neck was so soft, so sensitive, and his scent collected heavily here. Clearly, it was Hiccup's favorite place for her to kiss as well. When her tongue began laving the tendons there, Hiccup's eyes closed and his breath left him in a rush. With a low, needy moan, he arched his neck towards her for more of her attentions, pulling her closer while arching his back.

"I missed you," Astrid breathed against his skin, "Oh gods, Hiccup, you're so beautiful, so special. _I love you_."

She said it with such a sense of worship that Hiccup panted a little faster and tipped his head back, exposing his vulnerable, creamy throat for Astrid to do what she would. She kissed up his throat, pausing to lick his Adam's apple, and nuzzling the junction where his neck connected to his jaw. She felt another moan vibrate in his throat, and could imagine Hiccup's brows slanting just the slightest bit upward in his desperate elation.

"A-Astrid…" he begged.

Astrid planted a few tender kisses along his cheeks, his forehead, and his chin, before looking him straight in the eye. Hiccup's face was flushed as well as his neck, lips parted to let his rapid breaths in and out, and his hair was tousled pleasantly. Astrid grinned deviously.

"Yes?" she answered, "I'm listening."

Hiccup made a noise that was half moan, half whine, before sitting up and pulling her head to his in a sloppy kiss that was as much filled with the release of tension as it was heady want. He pulled the blanket off of himself (unfortunately for her, he had been given his pants back after he felt he could wear them without being in too much pain), slid his hands down her chest, coming to rest on her breasts. Astrid jumped at the unexpected touch, but gasped a moment later and pushed her chest further into his grip. When his hands began to move, she lost it, groaning into their kiss. She then leaned down to kiss and nip along his collarbone, simultaneously becoming aware of a new sensation.

Astrid was in Hiccup's lap now. And his desire was quite prominently pushing against her.

Feeling the evidence of his maleness, his want for her, so solidly, how could Astrid not want to push Hiccup and see how far she could go with it? So, she bore down on the bulge, rocking back and forth against it, tipping her head back in bliss.

Hiccup's breath was stolen from him, and gasped her name into her ear.

"Tell me what you want, babe," she said breathily, quite lost in her own pleasure.

"I want…I-I…" But Hiccup didn't know what he wanted; only that he wanted it _now._ He rocked against her harder, eyes unfocused, breathing becoming rapid.

So Astrid reached between his legs and began to rub him hard, using the heel of her hand to dig in. She also managed to rest her head on his shoulder, nipping at his ear lobe while rubbing her body subtly against his, like a jealous animal marking her mate with her scent to keep other rivals away. Astrid hated to admit it, but she was quite possessive by nature, and this tendency extended reasonably to the most precious person in her life. Surprisingly, Hiccup didn't mind; perhaps because he was so devoted to her. If anything, he was flattered by her possessiveness, and though he'd never tell her out loud, he found it kind of sexy.

"What you do to me," Astrid groaned, "You kill me, you know that right?"

Hiccup buried his face into her shoulder, breathing harshly. A shudder ran from the top of his head all the way down his frame.

" _What you do to me. You slay me, you know. Now now, no fighting. You resist an inch and the girl will take your place. Savvy?"_

With a harsh, guttural gasp, Hiccup began to push Astrid off his lap.

"Stop!" he cried out, "Please Astrid, stop please! I can't…"

Astrid was immediately snapped harshly out of her daze, all but throwing herself off his lap and off the bed altogether. She could only stare at him as he continued to beg, "Stop…I can't do this, please…" However, by the vacant, haunted way he was staring at the wall across the room, and from the way he began to rock himself back and forth, she was pretty sure he wasn't talking to her anymore.

And to her horror, Hiccup's eyes began to fill with tears.

"Oh gods," he gasped, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, "Stop! Why do I have to do this? I'm safe now, so stop crying. Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying…"

Astrid could only watch helplessly, unsure of what she should do. She was afraid to touch him since it was so obvious that her touch had caused him distress. Luckily, Hiccup solved her plight when he turned towards her, arms reaching in her direction and whimpering her name pitifully. With a sympathetic "Oh babe," she answered his plea and sat down on the bed beside him, pulling him into her arms. He wrapped his arms around her waist and tucked his head under her chin, crumpling like paper being consumed by flames. Astrid rocked with him, trailing her fingers across his face and down his side. The only words that would come out of his mouth were "I'm sorry," over and over, the only words that he could find to voice the guilt churning within him.

"Oh hush," Astrid admonished him, "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Yes I do!" Hiccup insisted. Astrid could feel his chest begin to expand and contract rapidly, and he began to tremble. "It's been a week already! What's wrong with me, why aren't I better? I hate myself for this."

A sob clogged his throat and jerked his chest, and Astrid felt a rush of hot tears on her chest. Ironically, the fact that he was still crying seemed to distress Hiccup even more, because he let out a frustrated groan in the wake of his continuing tears.

"Damn it, stop crying!" he commanded himself. He brought up his hands again to dig into his eyes in hopes of stemming the flow of his tears, and Astrid caught his wrists.

"Enough," she said gently. Hiccup's breathing began to grow more erratic, and that was when Astrid reached for the blue bottle on the table containing the sedative Venka had left for her as well as a small spoon. She measured out a spoonful of the sedative, and murmured a request for Hiccup to take it. He balked at first, having taken the sedative once already and hating the loss of control over his own body that came with it; a deep, forced relaxation would wash over him quickly followed by thick, dreamless sleep. But then he realized that he didn't have the energy or the desire to deal with the millions of emotions rocking through him, and would rather have the dreamless sleep so that he could reset himself. So, reluctantly, he accepted the spoonful, shivering as the strangely flavored syrup slid down his throat.

"Remember what Venka said?" Astrid said once he settled back in her arms, "You can't bully yourself into getting better. You'll recover in your own time and not before. You'd think you would have learned this when you lost your leg."

Hiccup couldn't find it within himself to be annoyed with her observation. The sedative was already soothing his nerves and turning his organs into a single mass of liquid, tingling warmth. His heart was being lulled from its war drum-like hammering into a sleepier cadence. "I know, but that was different. There was just the physical problem when I lost my leg and not all this…other stuff."

Astrid sighed. "I get it. And you just want things to go back to the way they were."

Hiccup nuzzled his nose into her neck drowsily. "Yeah. And I'm frustrated by how…afraid I am all the time…I'm so _tired_ of being afraid, of hurting, of being weak..."

"You'll get better," she assured him, "because you'll slow down and take the time to get better."

"I really am sorry though… about pushing you off. I started it, and you wanted it"-

"Hiccup"-

"But I wanted it too! And that's part of what's frustat-…fust-…fr"-

Astrid shushed him. His eyes were slipping closed and his body was turning into a dead weight against her chest. She laid Hiccup down amongst the furs, maintaining a hold on his hand and kneeling on the floor next to bed.

"Be patient," she said quietly, "We'll get there when you're ready."

"But…m'sorry…not fair t'you…"

With a tender smile, Astrid reached up and brushed Hiccup's bangs away from his forehead, "Listen babe, if from now until we die all I get to do is hold your hand, I'll be the happiest girl in Berk."

Hiccup sighed, smiled slightly, and mumbled pointlessly, "I'm tired."

"I'm sure you are. Let the sedative do its job, alright? You'll feel better when you wake up. Shh…there you go, that's it, just rest…just rest…"

And as the heavy, unnatural blackness flooded through his brain, Hiccup's last solid thought was that, when he woke up, he needed to start telling Astrid about the events that occurred over the last four months, especially the ones that had left him with this incapaciating fear of footsteps and being kissed by the person who meant more to him than his own heart beating languidly in his chest.

 


	6. So It Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a note here, the language the man from Briton is speaking is Old English. These people on the ship are Anglo-Saxon, and the Anglo-Saxons indeed have a bloody history with Vikings. In fact, the Vikings almost wiped the language of English out of history because they took over so much of the country of present day Britain.
> 
> The song is "Song of the Dragonborn." The song speaks of a hero born of dragons who speaks to them using the Nordic language. It seemed appropriate.
> 
> I'm going a bit off the logic of the books that showed Hiccup knew a lot of languages. It makes sense with his curiosity and the fact that he's a pretty smart cookie that he would take the time to learn other languages.

Toothless was jolted from a deep sleep at the darkest, quietest point of the night. He blinked his eyes dazedly and rubbed at his nose, wondering what could have woken him. He was laying downstairs like a great, scaly guard-dog. He had wanted to make sure that if anything was going to attempt to harm the two fragile lives upstairs, they would have to get past him first. However, it was dead quiet in the house and outside. Even the crickets had gone to bed. The only sound Toothless could hear was the ringing silence and the beating of his own heart. So, if a sound hadn't woken him, what had it been? He rubbed at his nose again; it felt like ants were crawling inside the delicate lining.

Wait a minute. That smell was what had woken him! But where was it coming from? Toothless took a few deep breaths, sniffing the air. Suddenly, there it was, smacking him in the face with the force of a Gronckle. The scent that made his insides clench with what it meant.

It was the scent of fear. And it was coming from the loft.

Now wide awake, Toothless scurried up the stairs that led to the loft and trotted over to the bed where Hiccup and Astrid were currently laying. Astrid was still out cold, so the fear-scent wasn't coming from her. The scrawny body that lay curled up next to her on the other hand was whimpering and twitching wretchedly.

Toothless watched helplessly for a few moments as a myriad of emotions played across Hiccup's face. His features pinched into many varieties of fear, sadness, and anger, eyebrows rising and falling, lips working, head trying to bury itself further into the pillow as if trying to escape the images pounding in his subconscious mind. His eyes flickered under his lids, as if literally looking for solace in his sleep, a hero in his dark dream when there obviously wasn't one...

The dragon pushed his nose against Hiccup's head, crooning plaintively for his rider to wake up _, please wake up, stop being so afraid, I can't take it!_ He then pushed his head under Hiccup's shoulders, beginning to lift him into a sitting position, and it was from this motion that Hiccup woke with a choked gasp. The gasp sent saliva down his windpipe, which in turn sent him into a coughing fit. It was this sound that woke Astrid, and she sat up slowly beside him.

"Another bad dream?" she asked groggily, but not without concern.

Hiccup simply shuddered in shame and threw himself face first onto his pillow with a weak, frustrated groan. Astrid noticed that his ribs were heaving in the aftermath of his nightmare, and she could see the sheen of sweat coating the back of his neck in the moonlight. With a tired sigh, she began massaging the back of his neck, noting that the muscles there were as hard as stone.

Slowly, the pressure of the massage and the flood of pleasure chemicals that were released as a result began to override the adrenaline lingering in his veins. Once his breathing had calmed, Hiccup gave a shuddering sigh and flipped onto his back, looking her in the eye. Astrid sighed again with utter sympathy. There were the beginnings of dark circles under his eyes that spoke of days without a full night of sleep. In fact, the last full night of sleep he had received had been when he had taken Venka's sedative after he and Astrid had tried to be intimate. But Venka had insisted that they be careful in how much they gave him. One of her main ingredients in it was poppy oil, and the stuff was highly addictive.

Gods, Hiccup looked so _exhausted_. There seemed to be a plea in his glazed, green eyes when they stared up at her, a plea to make the nightmares stop, _please I'm so tired, I've suffered enough, I just want to sleep.._

But she had known these nightmares would be coming. And what was worse, she didn't know _how_ to make them stop.

"Sedative?" Hiccup asked tentatively. He placed a beseeching hand on top of hers.

The way he said it, like a desperate prayer to the gods, almost made Astrid want to say damn it all and give him a dose; anything to bring him some relief. But she hardened her heart and caressed his cheek.

"You know you can't have any more tonight," she said softly, regretfully.

Hiccup licked his lips and swallowed, hard and audibly. "I know. But it was worth a shot."

They lay there in uncomfortable silence for a few moments, allowing the only sounds to pass between be the beating of their hearts and the sound of Toothless' concerned whuffling.

Finally, Hiccup spoke up, curling his fingers more tightly around Astrid's. "It might help if I…if I told you some of what happened while I was gone."

"While you were gone'?" Astrid paraphrased, "You make it sound like you were on vacation."

The corners of Hiccup's lips quirked up and it warmed Astrid's heart to see it. "Oh yeah, there was sun, seas, far off countries, barbaric pirates and equally barbaric civilians. I had a nice tan for a while though."

"Maybe it's better that you lost that tan, otherwise you would have looked like one of those Romans."

Hiccup's shoulders tensed and Astrid could see the tendons in his neck stand out slightly. The lump in his throat bobbed as he swallowed again.

"I need to tell you," he whispered, "I wanted to tell you days ago, but I was too afraid."

"Understandably," Astrid assured him.

"It was like, if I didn't talk about it, then I could pretend it didn't really happen," Hiccup continued, "I could just leave it all on the sea. If I brought it home…then that means it happened. It's part of me now. The fear, the pain, it's as much a part of me as my skin is, or the fact that I'm the village runt"-

"Not anymore you're not."

"You know what I mean."

"I do." Astrid moved closer to him, placing a hand on the back of his head and bringing his head closer to hers until their foreheads touched. "I want you to tell me. I want to share this burden with you when it's clear you can't handle it on your own."

"What do you mean I can't handle it on"-

"Shut up. It's the truth and you know it."

Astrid smirked affectionately and kissed him on the nose. He snorted and wrinkled his nose playfully.

"Just tell me what you can tonight, and we'll see where we are," Astrid said, compromising. Toothless murmured his agreement, laying his head on his boy's hip.

Hiccup nodded, and took a deep, calming breath.

000

"Search him. Take any weapons he has."

The crew of the pirate ship did not hesitate to follow their captain's orders. Two men piece by piece relieved Hiccup of his sword, a few hidden knives that weren't even sharp enough to be weapons (he used them to sharpen his pencil), and all of his leather armor. Soon enough, he was left standing on the deck in only his green tunic and brown pants, feeling utterly vulnerable and exposed before so many enemies. Yet, he knew that if he turned around, the Viking ship they had taken him from would still be visible behind them. His father and Astrid would still be able to see him, perhaps not really, but in his heart he allowed himself to believe it, and it gave him the strength to keep his head held high and to stop his frightened tears from falling anymore.

The pirate captain approached Hiccup, looking him up and down, humming to himself. Hiccup was reminded of the way some people looked over a yak before they bought it, and he shifted uncomfortably.

"Alright Northlander, all you need to do is show some respect and everyone will get along just fine on this ship," the pirate captain explained as he paced back and forth in front of Hiccup.

"I don't exactly respect those who attack my people and bind my hands so tight," Hiccup replied, lifting his hands for emphasis, which were beginning to turn a light shade of blue.

The pirate captain waved his hand dismissively. "That's no matter. You'll just have to _learn_ respect. The others have."

"What others?"

"The ones you'll enjoy the trip with."

Hiccup huffed in frustration. "Where are you taking me?"

The captain laughed. "Where we take all the other people we sell as slaves. Three guesses and the first two don't count."

"What do you"-

"Too late. Put him down the hatch."

Hiccup was shuffled along by another pirate until they reached a trap door near the back of the ship. The pirate opened it, lifting the hatch with an ominous creak that sounded like a scream. Hiccup leaned forward cautiously, but only saw blackness below him.

"I wouldn' look for allies down there," the pirate warned Hiccup with a nasty smile, "They're more likely to eat'cha rather than help ya."

"What?" Hiccup's eyes widened into two green saucers.

The pirate pushed him down the hole without missing a beat.

"See ya for the next feedin' time!" he called after Hiccup's surprised cry, "Then again, maybe I won'!"

And the door was slammed shut without so much as a wish-you-well.

Hiccup hit the wooden floor sooner than he thought he would, the force knocking the breath from his body and stunning his muscles into temporary immobility. When he opened his eyes, he noticed the only light came from a single porthole near the back of the chamber. The floor itself was covered in straw, and the air was musty and sharp. Hiccup wrinkled his nose and rolled over with a pained groan.

When he sat up, he came nose to nose with a man who looked none too pleased at his arrival. Hiccup started backwards with a gasp, scrambling on his hands and feet in a crab crawl. When the wall finally stopped him, Hiccup noticed that he was sitting beside the lone porthole. As he caught his breath, at least a dozen more sets of eyes lit up in the darkness, and all of them were fixed on him. As Hiccup became accustomed to the darkness, he was able to perceive that all of the bound prisoners were women, and that the youngest were just children.

The man was still staring at him, and Hiccup watched as his eyes flickered over him, taking in his appearance. He snarled a moment later, teeth bared slightly and a growl rumbling in his chest. He pulled himself up as tall as he could go with the low ceiling above them, managing to get partway to his feet. He then lunged at Hiccup before he forced him onto his back, planted a foot on Hiccup's belly and held him down. Hiccup, too stunned to fight back, squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face away, preparing for the disembowelment and hoping it would be fast.

When nothing happened, Hiccup chanced a peek, flicking his gaze nervously to see the man still towering over him, but not disemboweling him. His eyes bore into Hiccup's, teeth still bared.

"Eðelstæf áflíegung," he whispered intensely, grinding his foot harder against Hiccup's vulnerable belly. Hiccup flinched as a soft cry was squeezed from him. The man spat one more word at him, and from the tone, Hiccup knew it was meant to be an insult."Mægþegesa."

He let Hiccup up a moment later, retreating back to his people. Hiccup could only shiver and stare at the wooden floor of the ship, not even having the heart to push himself up further than onto his elbows. The man had shown him through a display of dominance that, while he certainly wouldn't eat him, Hiccup wasn't welcome down there.

_Stay away, Viking_. That was what he had said. And it was quite obvious that Hiccup was a Viking, both from the way he dressed and his physical appearance itself. Based on the dialect he spoke, the man was from a large set of islands called Briton, and Hiccup knew for a fact that the Vikings and the people of Briton held a special grudge against each other. Though the Vikings of Berk hadn't personally been on the island, there were other Vikings from Denmark that had pretty much tried to raze Briton to the ground and almost succeeded. It was no wonder the man saw him as a threat.

The man was sitting amongst his people and speaking lowly to them. Hiccup could only barely catch what he was saying, but he definitely heard the words "stay away" again and saw the man nod towards him. He was looking in particular at a set of young girls that couldn't have been older than twelve. The man hugged them towards him in what looked like a protective embrace as the girls gazed at Hiccup with wide eyes filled with trepidation.

Oh gods, did the man actually think that Hiccup would…? The thought made him sick. The man honestly thought that Hiccup would assault the girls if he turned his back. Well, he supposed it made sense, given his age and the reputation his people must have garnered in Briton. Then again, he looked down at his spindly arms and legs, which had gained some muscle mass over the years, but knew that he still couldn't assault a lima bean and win much less a person. His brain was still the strongest part of him, at least in his opinion.

Astrid always said it was his heart.

Oh Astrid…Hiccup curled up into a fetal position and leaned his head against the wall so that he could look outside the porthole. Her tearful face and desperate, angry pleas jumped into his mind, and he pushed the images aside. He couldn't afford to think about her now. His poor heart wouldn't be able to take the abuse.

The trapdoor opened again hours later and a voice rang out above them, "Dinner is served, savages!"

A load of fish and bread was dumped down the trap door, landing in a pile on the wooden floor with several sloppy and dull thumps. Everyone came forward to grab their share and retreated into the shadows without a word. When the big man grabbed his, Hiccup deemed it safe enough to shuffle on his hands and knees until he reached a small tuna. He took it in his hands and prepared to retreat again to a safe distance, but suddenly the fish was snatched from his grip by the man, who was glaring down at him and growling, as if daring Hiccup to try and take the fish back. Hiccup bowed under the man's threatening gaze, turning his head and baring his neck, trying to appear as small and submissive as possible. However, it was only after he had retreated back to his place by the porthole that the man broke his stare with him and turned back to his people.

_Does he really need to be so greedy?_ Hiccup thought, _He already had his share_.

Then Hiccup saw the man hand the tuna to two young girls sitting next to him. The girls were so alike in face to him that Hiccup could only assume they were his daughters, and he watched as the girls split the tuna between them and began to eat.

Hiccup sighed and let his head 'thunk' against the wall again. This was going to be a long trip to…wherever it was they were going if he wasn't allowed near the food pile the whole way.

Later that night, long after the moon had risen and the others had fallen asleep, one of the young girls was awoken by a strange sound.

Well, the sound wasn't strange in the normal sense; it was strange in that she had never heard its like in this prison chamber since she had arrived here weeks ago.

Someone was singing.

Lifting her head slowly noiselessly, she peered over the body of her sister, who was lying next to her, and followed the sound, finding that her eyes had come to rest on the young Viking her father had warned her about.

"Remember what they did to our neighbors' women?" he had said, "He'll do the same to ours if he gets the chance. Stay away from him. Don't let him near the food if you can help it. The weaker he gets, the less we'll have to worry. The world will be better off if there's one less Viking in it."

The girl knew he was right. She had seen the aftermath of many Viking raids, and many of the dead Vikings were around this boy's age, some younger. But they still killed with the same ferocity as those Vikings that were her father's age.

Still, it couldn't hurt to at least listen to what he was singing. In the quiet of the chamber, it wasn't like she had much choice anyway.

" _Dovakhiin, dovakhiin, naal ok zin los vahriin._

_Wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal!"_

Well, it certainly wasn't in her tongue, and when she really concentrated, she didn't think it was in Norse either. Norse usually sounded so clipped, and even guttural sometimes, and this language sounded much older. The boy had his eyes closed, head swaying and one finger tapping out the rhythm on his knee, both of which were pulled up to his chest.

" _Arhk fin norok paal graan fod nust hon zindro zaan."_

It must have been the way the moonlight caressed his face, or the soft lilting of his voice (which was a nice tenor, not at all the voice she expected to come out of him), or the worshipful way the words left his lips, as if the song meant a lot to him. She didn't know how he was doing it, but the Viking was turning himself into something that didn't look like a Viking anymore.

He was looking like a frightened boy singing to comfort himself.

" _Dovakhiin, fah hin, kogaan mu draal."_

The Viking trailed off, looking lost suddenly, as if he wished that the song was longer so that the silence wouldn't return so quickly. The girl found herself wishing for that too. He opened his eyes, and in the moonlight she noticed that they were a warm, bright shade of green, and were rather large on his face.

He was rather pretty, overall. A pretty young man with a boyish face and a very un-Viking like voice. Huh.

A high, plaintive, gurgling sound piped up through the silence, and the Viking wrapped an arm around his middle, face pinching as though he were in pain. The girl remembered the tuna her father had taken away from him before, and she inexplicably felt guilty for eating it. She wondered if he was also awake because his empty stomach wouldn't let him sleep. The girl knew that feeling well enough.

The girl put her head back down and began to fall asleep again, but not before hearing the boy's belly complain again, followed by the sounds of harsh breaths and quiet sobs.

 


	7. There's a Sense the Fire Burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Aelfgifu" means "elf-gift" if anyone is curious, and it's pronounced "alf-hifu." Old English is a pain, so I don't blame Hiccup for screwing it up quite a bit. I had to translate a verse of it into English once and it was murder. The word order is all screwy sometimes and it's a nightmare. The song here is "Taikatalvi" by Nightwish and it's in Finnish. Check it out, it's very pretty.

It was like this for four days. Every day Hiccup would try to grab something from the food pile, and every instance he was thwarted by the huge Anglo-Saxon man whose name he learned was Aethel. The word meant "prince" and he figured it was appropriate. He saw to the needs of his people first, always ensuring that they got their share of the food before he took his, always giving them faith and helping to lighten their spirits by telling stories or singing songs. Hiccup admired his leadership skills and how seriously he took his role.

But four days is a long time to go without food, and very soon Hiccup could feel the effects not just in his suffering stomach, but in the weakness in his limbs as well. Being so skinny meant he had few fat reserves to call upon in times when food was scarce, and what little fat he did have was being burned through at an alarming rate. It became too much of an effort to sit up without the support of the wall of the cell, and soon it became too much of an effort to sit up an all. His body would try to conserve his dwindling supply of energy, and as a result he found himself asleep more often than awake. What was truly scary was that sometimes he would jerk awake without remembering falling asleep at all. Hiccup found himself looming in and out of dreams; some were happy and simple, full of flight through the clouds and sunshine on his face. Sometimes he would dream he was back home and those were the worst because those were the ones he never wanted to wake up from.

But, every night, when he was sure everyone was asleep, Hiccup could sing to the stars in the sky and imagine that his people were looking up the same stars and worrying about him. He could pretend, just for the duration of his song, that he was with Astrid at the Great Hall, or on the fjord, and that she was singing along with him about mead, or the seasons, or love, or some heroic tale they knew by heart. Weak as he was, he found his mind beginning to unravel slightly as well, and he found himself feeling the heat of the fires against his skin, smelling Astrid's scent, or tasting mist on his tongue. And when his song was over, he would open his eyes and cry in the quiet as the warm fires of the Hall died away, the fjords dissipated into the mist, and Astrid's singing voice and warmth against his shoulder would fall into the abyss.

He had never felt so miserable and alone in his life.

Alone, save the silent observer on the other side of the cell.

Aelfgifu, in all of her twelve years of life, had never encountered someone so fascinating. The boy was a Viking, but he was submissive towards her father's authority and never looked for a fight. The looks he gave the women in her group were curious and even wistful at times, not lustful. She found there was something in his face she liked, something earthy and gentle and welcoming to friends and even to enemies.

Yet, it was his singing that really caught her interest. Lately, she had been lying awake at night on purpose hoping to hear him. It wasn't his voice so much that she thought was great (though it wasn't bad, it was quite a nice, natural singing voice) but the way he sang. Aelfgifu couldn't understand the words to his songs since many of them tended to be in Norse, but the passion with which he sang them tugged at her heart. His face would shift through different emotions as he sang, and Aelfgifu realized that she didn't need to understand the words to understand how sacred the songs were. The Viking's eyes would glaze as he stared out the porthole, and that would be the moment she would see his soul fly out the window. And Aelfgifu understood.

He wasn't going to hurt them. He was just lonely and afraid and missing home like she was, and Aelfgifu knew what it was like to miss home so badly it hurt, but at least she had her family with her. The Viking had no one, and she couldn't fathom the despair that must go along with that. And that was how she got up the courage to speak to him one night.

Aelfgifu lay very still and feigned sleep until she was certain everyone had drifted off. When their heavy breathing told her they had, still she waited. She wouldn't make a move until she heard-

" _Päällä talvisen maan hetki kuin ikuisuus._

_Mi pienen kissan jakoin luokseni hiipii."_

There; confirmation he was awake. And he was singing a song she had heard him sing many times before. It was soft and wistful but intense, melancholy yet beautiful, and her curiosity as to what the words meant was killing her.

" _Tääl tarinain lähteellä asua saan mis."_

Quiet as she could manage, the tiny Anglo-Saxon girl sat up and crept over to where the Viking sat gazing intently out the window. Aelfgifu stopped when she was just a couple feet away, wary. But apparently the Viking was too listless or too lost in his own world to notice that she was there, and kept going until she was close enough to see the faint stubble growing on his jaw. She took a deep breath. No turning back now.

" _Laulullaan herättää maan…"_

"H-Hello."

The Viking boy jumped nearly to the ceiling and his surprised eyes flickered to meet hers. Goodness, they were even greener and brighter up close. Aelfgifu smiled nervously, and his expression of surprise didn't change. Suddenly, Aelfgifu wanted to smack herself; he wouldn't be able to understand anything she said and she didn't understand a lick of Norse. This was going to be harder than-

"Hello."

Wait. He just answered her in her own tongue, and he was smiling a greeting at her that was so genuine that she couldn't help but return it.

"You speak Anglo-Saxon?" she asked, amazed.

He nodded, and then fluttered his hand in a see-saw motion which she took to mean "a bit."

"I am killing Anglo-Saxon bad," he said. She giggled.

"It's alright," Aelfgifu assured him. "I am Aelfgifu, and I am very sorry for the way my father has been treating you. It's his way of protecting us."

The Viking answered, "I am Hiccup, and I no pass bad judgment on father. His task as leader is to defend."

"Hiccup," she repeated. The name tasted pleasant on her tongue, and she felt this was fitting for the image she had developed of him. "Nevertheless, I have brought you this. I hid them under my clothes all day to keep them from my family because I felt you needed them badly."

Aelfgifu watched his eyes widen in amazement as she pulled out two loaves of bread and the tail-end of a large fish from inside the neck of her shirt. During everyone one of the meals they had been served today, she had grabbed her own ration as well as secretly taking an extra ration for the young Viking. If she had learned anything from living with the semi-feral dogs in her village, it was when you wanted to make friends with one, you should feed it first.

She placed the bread and fish into his lap, and when he only glanced up at her and then back to the food in his lap, she gently reassured him that he could eat it. She even turned her body slightly away from his and averted her gaze so that he wouldn't feel so intimidated, as if she might suddenly snatch it back. Aelfgifu heard his stomach growl loudly, as if it too was pleading with him to eat.

A moment later, Aelfgifu turned her head back towards him to see him bolting down the loaves of bread, barely bothering to chew. The fish was the last to go, and he peeled every single bit of raw flesh off the bones, so hungry that the slimy texture of the meat sliding down his throat didn't bother him. When he was finished, he licked his fingertips, making sure not a crumb or a drop of fish-juice was missed. Aelfgifu looked away respectfully, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of pity.

With a sigh, Hiccup said, "Thank you," and Aelfgifu could hear the smile in his voice before she looked at him again and saw it gracing his lips. A tenseness in his face she hadn't even noticed before eased and his cloudy eyes cleared, the food giving him new strength and relaxing his rigid body.

"Happy you help me," Hiccup's smile dropped a little. "But why? Father tell to stay away."

Surprisingly, Aelfgifu had an immediate answer for this. She grinned and said demurely, "There was something I liked about your face."

"My face?"

"Yes. You have… a kind face. An expressive face. I could see what you were feeling easily by looking at it. I didn't see any anger there, so I knew that my father was wrong and you wouldn't hurt us."

He didn't seem to know how to reply, mouth gaping like a fish's and looking down at his hands in his lap, so Aelfgifu added, "Plus, I liked listening to your songs."

Hiccup flushed noticeably, even in the low light. Aelfgifu had to bite back a chuckle as the bright color traveled from his cheeks, over his ears and down his neck.

"Thank you," he mumbled. "No one was to hear them…"

"What do you sing about?"

Hiccup's expression softened and brightened. "Things of the home. Drink, love, and stories."

"What about the song you sang tonight? You've sung it several times. Is it one of your favorites?"

"Yes. It is of the snow and being in child state. Song says snow is kitten having soft feet. There is much snow in my home…"

The two of them talked long into the night, about the meaning of all of the songs Hiccup had sung on the ship, about how Aelfgifu had songs from her home that were of similar content. He told her about Berk, babbling on and on without giving her a chance to speak, though not on purpose. Aelfgifu understood; he had been missing his home so terribly and had no one to speak with about his sorrow, so all of the love and pride he held for it bubbled to the surface. Aelfgifu listened to him, entranced, especially when he spoke of the dragons and his role in training them.

"Perhaps the Welsh and Scottish dragons could be trained," she observed. Hiccup agreed, seeing no reason why they couldn't be.

They stopped speaking only when Aelfgifu noticed a line of pink hovering on the horizon.

"I will be back again tomorrow night," she assured him, already moving back towards the sleeping bodies of her family, "Do not worry about food anymore. I will take care of you. In exchange, you must tell me more about Berk and the dragons. And perhaps you could teach me some Norse?"

Hiccup pretended to think hard, tapping his chin for emphasis. "You propose difficult bargain. But this I can do."

He grinned crookedly, something he had been quite lot during their conversation. Aelfgifu giggled, finding she liked that grin. It made him look less like the fearsome enemy painted in her mind and more like…well, a real person.

"Goodnight," she whispered.

Hiccup shook his head. "No. Goodnight is 'godnatt.'"

Aelfgifu smiled widely. "Godnatt, then, Hiccup."

And this was how it went for many days. Aelfgifu would meet Hiccup at night, and after he had eaten his rations, the stories would flow from him. Of course, at some point, Astrid came up in their conversation, and Aelfgifu's eyes went wide with adoration at his description of the blond Viking.

"Amazing!" she exclaimed, "She really fights with an axe? Alongside the men of Berk?"

Hiccup nodded proudly. "One of best fighters in Northlands. Could kill many Romans easy on own! All while to be beautiful as…as… the sunrise."

He blushed after he said that, and his eyes seemed to glaze over. Aelfgifu prodded his elbow gently.

"You're in love with her?" she asked.

Hiccup nodded, sighing, "Yes. Was going to ask to…to…" He trailed off, unsure of the correct word in Anglo-Saxon. However, Aelfgifu, able to read how devoted he was to this girl in his face, guessed easily enough what his intentions were, supplied the word for him.

"Her to marry you?"

"Yes! Marry. But… cannot now." He glanced around their cell and shrugged.

Aelfgifu set her face and narrowed her eyes determinedly. "You will see her again! She loves you and she wants to marry you too, so that means you'll make it back. And I wouldn't keep her waiting, otherwise she'll kill you!"

Hiccup couldn't have kept back the burst of laughter back if he tried. Aelfgifu shushed him loudly, glancing back at her family to make sure they were still asleep. When she saw they were, she joined in the laughter, more quietly of course.

"I think I'd like her if I met her," she said.

"Yes. You would."

Even when they parted for the evening, Hiccup couldn't get what Aelfgifu had said out of his mind. She was right; Astrid was waiting for him, and the longer he sat here on this boat, the further away from home he was being carried. The food Aelfgifu had been bringing him had been giving him strength, enough strength to aid him in a possible escape. And though she didn't know it, she had given him something far more valuable.

To him, it was "håp." To her it was "hopa." To the rest of the world, it was "hope." And it was something that nobody would be able to take away from him ever again.

Long after the Anglo-Saxon girl had fallen asleep, Hiccup lay awake, planning, a fire ignited in his belly that tickled his heart, curled about his limbs and set him ablaze **.**

 


	8. I Feel Immortal

Hiccup woke from a cozy, pleasant dream the next morning feeling stiff, clammy and exhausted. A wet, uncomfortable feeling had settled into his bones as of late that made him wish desperately for a good warm fire to chase it away. He also wished he could go back to his dream, where he had been watching himself as a little one on his mother's lap. The wind had been howling outside, but it had been safe and toasty inside the house, and his mother had been making clothes for him because he was growing so fast, and he kept trying to put one of her long braids hanging over her shoulder in his mouth and-

He groaned. Another side effect from not receiving a good night's sleep was the constant headaches that pounded behind his eyes. He missed his warm, soft bed so badly it hurt.

Soft, murmuring voices drifted across the cell, and Hiccup looked up just in time to meet the eyes of everyone in Aelfgifu's family looking right at him. He was instantly awake and shrinking back into his corner with a harsh gasp. Aelfgifu reached toward him beseechingly from across the cell.

"Wait, Hiccup, it's okay-" she began, but was cut off when Aethel growled low in his chest, stood up from his spot, and lumbered over like an angry bear to where Hiccup sat. Hiccup gulped audibly.

_I'm dead_ , was the only thought that made nauseating cartwheels through his brain, _I'mdeadI'mdeadI'mdead-_

But Aethel stopped right in front of him and simply kneeled down, a suspicious glare on his face as he regarded the scrawny Viking.

"I should kill you for speaking to my daughter," he threatened, cracking his knuckles.

"N-No blame you," Hiccup stuttered.

"I could kill you. Your neck is very scrawny. It would be like snapping a twig and would make the same noise."

Hiccup had no reply except to bite his lip until it turned white.

"But since my daughter says you have a plan to get us out of here and we have nothing to lose, I will hold off. For now."

The air in Hiccup's lungs left in a loud whoosh and his limbs felt weak in the wake of his relief.

Aethel crossed his arms, and Aelfgifu scrambled to his side, placing herself between him and Hiccup.

"Enough, father," she ordered, "Look at that, you nearly made him piss himself. You're not going to get any information out of him like that."

Hiccup felt like he should have been embarrassed by that comment, but he couldn't find it within himself to be, not when she was right. Aethel rolled his eyes.

"The fact that he's a Northman that speaks Anglo-Saxon is the one factor that gives him any worth," he told Aelfgifu, "So what is your plan, Viking?"

Feeling more at ease, Hiccup sat up straighter, and put on a crooked grin, "It will please you. Plan begins with you to kill me."

000

Aelfgifu didn't know how long she had been pounding on the trapdoor before one of the pirates finally got fed up with it and opened it. She was met with his glaring face and nearly quailed under it. However she remembered Astrid, the brave shield-maiden Hiccup had told her about and how she could kill dozens of Romans all on her own. And she remembered that she was the only one down here besides Hiccup who could speak Norse, and knew that this plan wouldn't succeed if she couldn't play her part. So, she set her will, determined to be as brave as a Viking, and irony on this thought was not lost on her.

"What d'ya want?" the pirate growled.

"We have dead here," Aelfgifu informed him, "Viking dead. Father kill."

To her surprise, the pirate laughed. "Wish I could have been there to see that! What a bunch of savages you lot are!"

Aelfgifu ignored his insult, though it was difficult, and asked, "You remove body?"

"Hand 'im up," the pirate ordered, "At least the sharks followin' the boat will finally get a reward."

With that, Aelfgifu moved aside, and let her father lift the limp body of Hiccup up through the trapdoor. Once the pirate hauled the boy up by his armpits and re-shut the door, Aelfgifu sighed in relief. So far, so good. Hiccup was doing well (she never doubted that he would) and like he had assured her, the pirate was too stupid to figure out how a little Anglo-Saxon girl suddenly knew Norse.

Now it was all up to the scrawny Viking who had captured her faith with a smile and a song, and the irony on this fact wasn't lost on her either.

On deck, it was all Hiccup could do not to flinch at the pirate's rough handling or open his eyes to see how close it was to the edge of the ship. He felt the early evening breeze on his face, and knew that night would be arriving very soon, which meant he would have to act fast if he wanted to get the Anglo-Saxons out of here in the safe manner he had devised.

Hiccup barely bit back a cry of surprise as he finally felt himself flying through the air over the side of the ship. The air whistled by his ears for a moment, before he was met with the cold shock of ocean water. The breath was shoved out of his lungs from the impact, and it took everything within him not to start flailing in panic until he was sure enough time had passed. When he felt that it was safe enough to move, Hiccup's head broke the surface and he pulled air into his lungs, coughing and sputtering. He quickly located the anchor, which was hanging from the side of the ship, secured by a large chain, and swam strongly over to it. Though his progress was hampered by his metal foot, he still made it, and managed to climb out of the water and sit in the bottom curve of the anchor, hanging onto the main part with numb fingers for dear life.

The sun was sinking rapidly, the stars already beginning to appear in the sky above the line of orange and pink on the horizon. He had to locate the life boats, get all the Anglo-Saxons inside, lower them down, and do it all without being noticed by the pirates. That was why it was important that they do this at night, when there were far fewer crew members present on deck.

Luckily, the lifeboats weren't all that hard to find. He could see the noses of a few of them poking over the sides of the ship, while more were hanging by ropes off the edge. It would be no problem to untie them because he recognized the knots. They were the same knots he usually saw on Viking longboats. Now the only problem was to stay warm and hope his teeth weren't chattering loud enough to attract attention.

And so there Hiccup sat for a couple hours at the very least, curled into as tight a ball as he could manage in his current position and alternately holding a hand under at least one of his armpits in an attempt to thaw it out while the other held on to the anchor. He could feel the salt from the sea crusting on his scalp and his hair drying stiffly, and had never craved a hot bath so much in his life as he did then.

Finally, the sun disappeared beneath the sea and the stars took over the sky. It was time.

His fingers were as warm as they would get, and luckily they were warm enough to feel the rope beneath his fingers as he set about untying the life boats. They would probably need most of them considering how many people were being kept below deck.

Once the last boat was untied and hanging considerably lower down the side of the ship, Hiccup decided that it was time for phase two. Poking his head up tentatively over the rim of the deck and seeing no one close by, he hauled himself up and over.

Hiccup thanked every god in existence that no one spotted him on his way to the trapdoor. When he reached said trapdoor, he knelt by the latch, fought with it for a minute, and then opened the door. His heart screeched to a halt in his chest when the hinges creaked loud enough for all the world to hear as he did so, and he sat perfectly still for several minutes.

Once again, the gods must have taken a vacation from their hatred of him, because no one came to investigate. He poked his head down, and whispered, "We go now."

He saw Aelfgifu first, her face a smiling beacon in the darkness below.

"I knew you'd come back," she whispered, "My father was convinced you had fled in a life boat and left us."

Hiccup heard Aethel snort in the background, and he laughed nervously in response. He guessed he couldn't outwardly blame the giant man, not if he wanted to keep his neck un-snapped.

"Who is first?" he asked. Aelfgifu extended her hand to him, but was nudged out of the way by Aethel. A few of the women pushed him up from below while Hiccup pulled. Once he was safely on deck, he eyed Hiccup, grunted something that might have been a thanks, and turned around the help Hiccup haul the rest of his people out.

Little by little, quietly and carefully, everyone was pulled up through the trapdoor and directed by Hiccup towards the lifeboats. However, the instant they began to settle in, a pirate from the crow's nest he hadn't known was there cried out an alarm, sending Hiccup's heart flying straight up his throat. Every crew member the ship possessed came flooding up from below deck, cutlasses gleaming in the moonlight.

"Go!" Hiccup shouted to them.

Without thinking, Hiccup charged the nearest pirate, wrenched his cutlass from him with practiced ease, and quickly planted himself between the pirates and the escaping women. With a ferocity born from a hybrid of spending too much time with his dragon and his axe-wielding lover, he descended on the rest of the pirates with a snarl.

He was doing surprisingly well considering there were dozens of them and he was only one Viking with a bad leg and a sword he wasn't used to. But he was so nimble, so lightning fast in his movements that the pirates couldn't catch him before they were run through or beat over the back of the head with the hilt. Still, they weren't deterred, and Hiccup saw his opportunity to lead them away from Aethel and the women. He ran towards the main mast and began to scramble upwards, holding the cutlass in his teeth.

Yes! The pirates were following him up, so intent on catching him that they were letting their prisoners escape. He made it onto a beam, but before he could make it any further, the pirate from the crow's nest landed behind him and shoved him off. Hiccup fell helplessly before landing solidly onto the deck. The breath was knocked hard out of lungs and he couldn't draw in air again for several seconds. He saw white for a moment, and when he opened his eyes his vision was fuzzy. But even through his fuzzy vision, he could see the pirates advancing on him, swords in hand, teeth bared, wolves around a trapped sheep.

_Get up!_ Hiccup screamed at himself. He managed to push himself to his knees before his vision tilted dangerously and sounds were reduced to a deep buzzing. He tried to stand, but his body obstinately refused to obey his brain's commands. He knew it was over when one beefy hand closed about the scruff of his neck and began to lift-

And then it let go, and Hiccup heard the dull thud of a body hitting the deck. When he dared to look up, he was shocked by what he saw.

Aelfgifu. Standing over the body of the pirate. Still holding onto the hilt of a cutlass sword. There was a wild, animalistic light in her eyes that shone between her locks of messy hair. Hiccup recognized it as the kind of light he saw in Toothless' eyes when he was protecting his rider.

Aelfgifu wrenched the sword out of the pirate and pointed it in front of her, blood dripping off the end."Leave. Him. Be," she ground out to the pirates, standing over Hiccup, who gazed at her in awe.

And then several things happened at once. Several pirates charged the two of them at the same time one yelled, "Shit, the prisoners!" At that moment, a large portion of the group ran to the edge of the boat, but it was too late. The boats were gone. Hiccup knew that because he could hear Aethel frantically calling for his daughter from a place too far away to be the deck. She must have jumped off just before the boat dropped, and the Anglo-Saxons had no idea how to get back up, being all but unfamiliar with the idea of boats. So all Aethel could do was call for her, and it tore at Hiccup's heart to hear it.

"Aelfgifu, go!" he ordered, "I follow!"

She nodded and began to run…right into the waiting arms of the captain. He wrenched her arms behind her back, but not without difficulty; the little girl was thrashing and screeching like a wild dragon caught in trap, and from her tone, she was using every colorful curse she could come up with to insult the captain.

Hiccup began to race forward to help her, when he also found his arms pulled behind him. However, he put up much less of a fight, his head still spinning. A trickle of blood snaked down from his hairline to run into his left eye, staining his vision red.

"Well, don't you two look every inch the barbarians you really are," the captain observed, "How does it feel to not have a soul? You must not have one if you kill my men unnecessarily."

Hiccup swelled, a bestial growl rumbling in his throat. His patience had fled with the weight he had lost and the dignity that had been stolen from him by these men. Aelfgifu continued to fight, and Hiccup raised his head, glaring up at the captain from underneath his bangs, teeth bared in a vicious snarl while blood still ran like a river from his scalp and over his eye. His sides heaved with exertion, and despite his exhaustion, he suddenly longed to tear out the captain's throat, even if he had to do it with his teeth.

"If we're barbarians, then fine," Hiccup spat, "I'd rather act like a wild beast than like you. Wild beasts only taste blood when they need to survive, not because they want to see others suffer."

As if to punctuate his statement, his tongue snaked out to lick the blood that had slithered down to tickle his upper lip. He grinned like a predator anticipating the kill.

"Now," Hiccup said lowly, "You'll let her go, and you'll fight me instead."

The captain pretended to think for a moment, before he answered with a nonplussed, "No. No, I really think an action like this should be met with some sort of punishment, don't you?"

Hiccup's snarling face melted starkly into one of terror and his heart plummeted from its place in his throat to his stomach like a stone.

"Yes," the captain went on, tracing a finger up Aelfgifu's jaw which she promptly tried to bite off, "A special kind of punishment, perhaps?"

"No!" Hiccup cried, lunging forward, only to be held back by the burly pirate who still had him.

The captain regarded him with a raised eyebrow. "No?"

"Please," Hiccup begged. Aelfgifu stopped struggling, looking at him in open-mouthed shock.

"Please," he repeated, "She's only twelve, please spare her."

"And what would you propose I do? Someone needs to be punished, and I have her right here."

A pause. Hiccup hung his head, suddenly very weary. "Punish me instead."

"Hiccup, no!" Aelfgifu exclaimed, beginning to fight anew, "It's okay, I'm not afraid of him, I can"-

"You're sure?" the captain asked with a tilted head.

"Yes," Hiccup said in a small, exhausted voice.

"Very well!" the captain replied over the din of Aelfgifu's renewed curses, "Men, take them below!"

Aelfgifu screamed, "No! You idiot, don't do this! Let them punish me! Hiccup!"

Hiccup was suddenly reminded of another girl that had begged for him not to sacrifice himself, and he swallowed a sob that threatened to burst from him.

000

It had been the right decision. It couldn't have been any other way.

Hiccup told himself this, yet he couldn't stop his body from quivering with fear even as he put on a smile for Aelfgifu. He couldn't fool her though; she was too busy holding his hand, and he was sure she could feel how clammy his grip was and hear the tremor in his voice as he spoke.

"It will not be bad," he said, "There may be whips. But I used to dragon fire. Whips will be as flies."

Aelfgifu looked up at his face, and observed that his face had gone completely white. His smile was more of a grimace and it looked like he was going to throw up at any second. She held him closer to her, and he leaned into her, his terrified body latching onto her solid warmth and comfort as a means to keep ahold of his sanity.

Footsteps thudded above their heads and the squeak of the trapdoor opening came a moment later. The voice of a pirate floated down to them demanding that Hiccup come up on deck. Hiccup's heart thudded painfully, and he swallowed hard. He forced himself to his feet slowly and reluctantly, and began to step forward. However he was held back by something, and he looked down to see that Aelfgifu had refused to let go of his hand. Her eyes were shining with tears and she was silently begging for him not to go. He smiled tremulously and stroked her hand reassuringly.

"It'll be okay," he stated, trying not to watch as he pulled his hand from hers almost in slow motion. The hand that had held his drew up to her mouth as she stifled a cry. Hiccup tried to hold back his own terrified tears and scrambled up through the trapdoor before he was pulled out of her sight.

"This way," the pirate directed him, pushing on his back. He found himself being led to another storage room below deck, and once he crossed the threshold and adjusted to the poor lighting, he noticed that it wasn't just the captain there, but the majority of the crew minus a few members whom he could hear still walking around on deck.

The captain walked forward first, stopping only once he was directly in front of Hiccup. "I usually find punishments tedious, but I've been waiting for an excuse to execute one on you. I'm almost glad you let those prisoners go."

Hiccup looked over his head, not hard considering he was taller than the captain, and swallowed again. The captain stared at his neck, seeming almost entranced with the way the muscles in it flexed and the lump in his throat bobbed from the action.

"You won't be trying anymore escapes after this though," the captain warned him.

"I'll try every moment of every day from now until we reach port to escape," Hiccup whispered through gritted teeth.

The captain suddenly wrapped his fingers around Hiccup's neck, and Hiccup gasped, and then shivered in confusion when the captain's fingers caressed his neck like he was examining some fine silk.

"I doubt that very highly," the captain said, his voice taking on a husky edge.

The fingers travelled further up Hiccup's face until they began to trace his bottom lip.

"Oh, what you do to me," the captain sighed, "You slay me you know."

And at this Hiccup wrenched his head away and snarled, backing into the now shut door behind him. He heard one of the crew members say, "I love it when they put up a fight," and it only made the adrenaline flood all the harder through his body. His fingers scrabbled for the latch on the door, only to discover it was locked. The captain grabbed his wrist and held it up between their faces.

"Now now, no fighting," the captain said, wagging a finger, "You resist an inch, and the girl will take your place. Savvy?"

Hiccup's eyes widened into an expression of horror, body trembling under the strain of desire for fight or flight as the captain's words did battle with his most basic instincts. His lips worked, but no sound came out, trying to come up with a good comeback instead of the whimpers that threatened to spill out of him.

Before he was given a chance to answer, the captain grabbed Hiccup by the front of his shirt and dragged him over to the crowd of pirates waiting in the center of the storage room. A tight ring of large, hot bodies surrounded him, making escape truly impossible. He stood there rigidly for a moment, eyes darting back and forth, waiting to see who would try to lay their hands on him first. He felt very much like a cornered mouse being watched by several malevolent cats.

One hand from behind him grabbed his shoulders, and Hiccup flung himself around to face the pirate who made the first move. However, as soon as he did, another pair of hands gripped his waist and pulled him flush against the body of another pirate, who managed to run his tongue up Hiccup's neck before Hiccup squirmed free. Before he could gain his senses, another hand slapped his rear. Yelping and blushing bright red with mortification, Hiccup whipped around yet again. This game of touch and tease continued for a while, the pirates playing with their prey before they sunk their claws into it. Hiccup's heart was pounding against his ribs and his throat became tight as it tried to hold back the little whimpers and yelps of fright that kept escaping him without his consent.

Suddenly, one pirate behind him caught Hiccup under the arms and lifted him clean off his feet, leaving him to kick helplessly in the air. He began to thrash like a thing possessed, knowing that they had tired of playing casually with him and were getting ready to get serious. He felt his metal foot connect with someone's face, and a rush of satisfaction when through him. However, the rush was replaced by a searing pain when a hand connected with his face in a vicious slap that whipped his head around. Hiccup could only pant and shake in the sudden quiet that ensued.

"Last chance," a voice growled next to his ear, and Hiccup recognized it as the captain's voice, "Take the punishment without fighting or else. It's up to you whose ass I tear up."

A whimper left Hiccup involuntarily, and with a great effort, he went limp. The captain's grin widened and one of his hands moved down slowly to the waistband of Hiccup's pants.

"Off with the pants!" one pirate catcalled, and the sentiment was echoed all around the ring.

Hiccup's heartbeat reached a deafening crescendo in his ears, and against his will a stream of nonsense began to pour from his trembling lips. It might have been sentiments along the lines of "Nononono please stop, you can't do this, she's waiting for me, I want to be pure for her, I love her pleasestoppleasestop _stop it_ ," but between the ringing in his ears and the increased volume of the lustful cries of the pirates, he couldn't be sure. He jerked reflexively as his pants and undergarments were wrenched down until they hung around his ankles. A choked cry left him as he felt the air begin to swirl around a part of him he wasn't used to exposing to the air, and the significance of it had Hiccup squeezing his eyes shut and turning his face away. The catcalls of "What a beauty!" and "I'm gonna suck him dry," as well as the wolf whistles intensified. Between those words and the rustle of clothing as it was removed around him in one cacophony of the calm before the storm, Hiccup wished dearly that his brain wouldn't be able to process what was happening to him and force him to pass out. Instead, his dark and terrified thoughts began to swirl together in a whirlpool of chaos he couldn't hope to discern.

The strain was too much, and Hiccup could swear that the rift in his mind formed at that very instant, a rift that made it so that he was only half aware of what was going on around him while the other half found a pinpoint of light in his subconscious and clung to it, bathing in the love, goodness, and simplicity the happy images filled him with.

_The halfway point in an evening where the sun's rays dance with the stars in the sky. Astrid laying him down on frosted grass while she leaned over him, her hair unbound, her eyes filled with teasing mirth as she kissed the end of his nose. She seemed pleased with his confused expression._

A large, hot palm laid itself flat over his limp length, and he felt it begin to rub him hard a moment later, fondling everything from the tip of the head to his entrance, not one thing being spared from the captain's eager touch. Hiccup was suddenly dropped on the floor. Stunned, he slowly made his way to his hands and knees, chest on the floor, rear bared vulnerably to the air, his head too dizzy with fear to lift any further.

Someone, it must have been the captain based on the grunt above him, began to prod his rear before it shoved itself in a moment later. A pair of hands manhandled his hips and pulled him further onto something that was far too large for the orifice it was entering into. Hiccup screamed, a high pitched sound filled with pain and visceral terror, burying his face into his arm and trying weakly to squirm away. But the grip on his hips was so strong he was sure there would be bruises there later.

"Oh yes, you're perfect!" the captain groaned as he began to thrust, "Nothing you can do now, is there?"

_Astrid kissing him on the lips playfully, before she pulls back a moment later and whispers against him, "You're perfect."_

"We could just continue until the sun rises," the captain continues. He picks up his rhythm. "Hell, we could continue until the world breaks apart. Would you like that?"

Hiccup couldn't help it; he began to cry. He didn't just cry, he sniveled like a starving infant, a creature who knows it's in pain but doesn't know how to alleviate it except to cry. He was searching for comfort that was too far away to reach him, a warm embrace he knew existed but existed in an entirely different world.

There were more hands on him, pulling and groping everywhere. Nothing was hidden, nothing was kept sacred for the one he hoped to share his marriage bed with one day. His body, one of the things he held most precious in the world because she thought it was so precious, was destroyed and reduced to a warm, wet set of sex organs for a few men to play with.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered into his arm, thinking of a smiling face framed by lovely blond hair and a heart purely for him, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I love you, I'm sorry"-

The tirade was ended by one of the pirates who wrenched his head up from his arm with large meaty fingers and shoved their length into his mouth. Hiccup gagged and vomited, unable to stop the reflex. Noises of disgust broke out all around him, while a few, particularly the captain, who was still deep inside him, guffawed with amusement. He was grabbed by his hair and his head was smashed into the hard wooden floor as a result. Hiccup wanted to cry out from the additional pain, but it was difficult to do around a throat shuddering with dry heaves.

" _Don't be sorry," Astrid says to him. She gazes into his eyes as if she wants to dive into them and discover all the secrets they hold. "I know you are, but you don't have to be. There's nothing to forgive. Just hush."_

_She kisses him again, soft, slow, and sensual, and he drowns in her pleasantly. He doesn't mind if he never has to come up to breathe._

Still dizzy and woozy, another hand pulled Hiccup's head up by the hair and shoved themselves into his mouth. This time, the only resistance he offered was a muffled sob around the thrusting organ the tortured animal in him desperately wanted to bite off. The captain was still riding him, and another pirate was down beside him and stroking the thing that was supposed to provide Astrid with the children she always chattered excitedly about wanting, the thing that was supposed to meet with her in a beautiful dance that he had imagined over and over.

" _I love you," Astrid whispers to him, "Don't cry. Just come to home to me, and it'll all be okay. Come on now, this way. Hiccup, why are you just sitting there? Come on!"_

And though he wanted to follow her, the pirates violently kept him in the present, making sure not a speck of him was left un-defiled.

000

The pirates only laughed as, what felt like a lifetime later, Hiccup struggled to draw his pants back up over his hips. This was very difficult to do, Hiccup realized, when your entire body felt numb and shaky and your knees kept slipping on the little puddles of your own blood on the floor. It was sad that managing to finally get dressed was a monumental victory.

Their laughter launched into raucous guffaws as the broken little Viking tried with every fiber of his being to stand, to get out of the horrible room that still smelled like sweat, rum, semen and _fear_. But his muscles had been reduced to the consistency of dough. Every time he raised himself onto his elbows, his arms would simply give out and deposit him harshly back onto the floor. It was all Hiccup could do not to cry out in frustration; his will was steel but his body was water. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. His vocal chords were too raw and strained to produce more than a whisper now.

Eventually, the captain hauled him to his feet and all but carried Hiccup from the storage room. He didn't say a word, only gave Hiccup's rear a parting pinch, before he was depositing him back down the trap door.

Hiccup lay in a stunned heap, before a gasp and an exclamation of his name motivated him to lift his head. Aelfgifu was scrambling towards him, worry etched in hard lines all over her young face. She was saying something, but Hiccup's brain was so fuzzy and she was speaking so fast he had no idea what, although from her tone she sounded like she was asking what happened.

"I-It…was not whips, Aelfgifu," Hiccup rasped, "N-Not whips…"

He must have blacked out for a moment, because the next thing he knew, Aelfgifu was tapping the side of his face and asking him to stay awake for a moment more. He shook his head to clear it, but it only made the black at the edges of his vision pulse more. Hiccup felt the Anglo-Saxon girl tugging at his shoulders insistently, telling him to get up. Clinging to her voice like a lifeline and summoning every scrap of strength left in his exhausted body, Hiccup heaved himself to his hands and knees. He let Aelfgifu guide him to a pile of straw near his spot by the porthole, and he realized distantly that she must have gathered up all the straw in the cell and put in a pile as a sort of bed for his return. He tried to mumble a thank you, but it must have come out as gibberish, because she shushed him after several botched attempts.

Once he felt the straw under his fingers, Hiccup's body finally gave out, collapsing onto the floor. Aelfgifu gasped and caught his head before it could hit the floor, before she lowered it gently. Hiccup could feel himself drifting away immediately until a wake of terrible shivers brought him back to painful awareness. He was suddenly so cold, and it took him a moment to figure out that the pained wheezing in the room was coming from him. Hiccup grew frightened as his vision began to fuzz and blacken again.

A hand smoothing down over his temple reminded him that Aelfgifu was still there and obviously taking in his pained breathing and shivers as well. Her fingers drifted methodically to the pulse point at his neck, and then caressed back up his face.

"Your pulse is too fast and too weak," she informed him, "I think you're going into some kind of shock. But it's okay, you'll be alright."

She lifted one of his clammy hands and held it to her chest. "Breathe with me, okay? In….and out."

He did as she said, trying to wrestle the lingering adrenaline in his body into submission. When his breaths began to even out, Aelfgifu gave Hiccup his hand back, tucking it close to his body. She then scooted over next to him, gently placing his head in her lap, before lying down behind him. He felt her curl her body around him as best as she could, trying with all her might to transfer her body heat to him. She felt almost sick listening to the whimpers that escaped him with every exhale, the sounds jarred by the shivers that shook his frame.

As her warmth began to bleed into him, Hiccup let out a long, drawn out moan of relief and weakly snuggled back into her. He felt the weight of her head rest on the slope of his waist, and felt her arms wrap around him in the best comforting embrace she could manage.

As the blackness spread from the edges of his vision to blot out the light for him entirely, Hiccup thought he might have uttered one last "I'm sorry," before he let sleep, profound and emphatic, drown him in its murky depths at last.

 


	9. When Fear Force Feeds Love

Astrid's mind had gone blank. What Hiccup had been telling her was too horrible for her brain to fathom, so it simply stopped trying to understand and only listened. But now that he had stopped speaking, it was like the gears inside it had started whirring again, letting all the horror seep into her chest to poison her.

She had watched Hiccup as much as she had listened, and what she had witnessed was something she could only describe as being like drawing an evil spirit out of a victim. Astrid had watched as his body had grown more stressed with every passing word; he had fidgeted restlessly and had gotten whiter and whiter as time went on. Even now, he was still shaking, the blood drained completely from his face, and he was swallowing convulsively every few minutes. Placing her hand on the side of his neck and stroking it, she could feel how hot it had grown, and feel his pulse beating hard against her fingers. Yet, once he had started talking he hadn't been able to stop, even when she told him several times it was okay if he didn't want to continue. She was surprised he had found time to breathe; it had all come out like lava from an angry volcano that couldn't be held back.

Speaking of angry things, it was easy to see that Hiccup's body was feeling pretty pissed that he had forced it to relive such things so viscerally. He suddenly buried his head in his pillow and squeezed his eyes shut. His next breath escaped in a pained moan, and he swallowed again, not liking the way saliva was collecting so vigorously in his mouth.

"Hiccup?" Astrid asked, stroking his face, "What's the matter? What hurts?"

Her answer came in the form of a series of angry, vicious gurgles sounding from his thin belly. Astrid's eyes widened and Hiccup moaned again.

"I don't feel good," he told her, "I think I'm going to throw up."

Acting quickly, Astrid reached under the bed and pulled the empty chamber pot out, placing it in Hiccup's lap and helping him to sit up and lean over it. It wasn't long before a sickening burp forced itself up followed by his unfortunate dinner. Astrid stroked his sweaty hair during the entire spell, her soft words of comfort an undercurrent to the sounds of vomit splashing wetly inside the pot.

It was at this moment that Toothless' ears perked at the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs to the loft, and a growl began to vibrate through his whole body.

Astrid looked up as well, wondering who on earth that could be. It was barely dawn, and she knew she hadn't called the healer to check on Hiccup today. So who…?

Her eyes widened in surprise when Valka appeared over the stairs. What was she doing back so early? She had said she would go with Stoick on his manhunt for Hiccup's captors. But it didn't matter, because Valka was putting down her pack and gasping in alarm when she caught sight of Hiccup's current position. She said his name and rushed over to the side of the bed, placing a hand on his heaving back. Hiccup's eyes rolled over to regard her, and through the glaze of sickness and stress there was a spark of recognition and relief.

"Mom?" he said, before another spasm rippled through his stomach and forced up sour bile. A long, pained groan followed the action.

"Yes love, I'm home," she answered, "Easy now, don't talk."

Luckily, the spell ended soon after and Astrid was helping Hiccup to rinse out his mouth while Valka put the chamber pot back under the bed. Without thinking, Hiccup collapsed against his mother wearily, and equally without thinking, Valka wrapped her arms around the too-thin body of her son.

Astrid watched the two of them, spellbound. Valka hadn't been around for the first twenty years of Hiccup's life and was just now learning how to be a mother, and Hiccup likewise was learning what it was like to _have_ a mother. Yet, he had fallen into her arms and grasped her tunic while nuzzling his head under her chin so easily, and she had interpreted the pained look on his face as a sign that her baby needed her (he'd learn later that the annoying and charming thing about mothers was that, no matter how old you became, you're always their baby in their mind), and had reacted accordingly. Valka sat on the bed, holding Hiccup, kissing his forehead drawing him into her world of security. And Hiccup drowned in it, taking in her scent which he knew made up part of his own, and letting his own fears suffocate as they deserved.

Whether he meant to or not, Hiccup fell asleep a few minutes later, and Valka laid him down gently. Astrid placed her hand on the back of his neck, and sighed.

"He's still awfully warm," she observed, "Could be another fever. Perfect."

"I want to know everything that's happened to him since you brought him home," Valka said, "But you don't have to tell me until morning if you don't want to. Or, I suppose afternoon would be more accurate, since it's already morning."

Astrid tossed the blankets off of herself and crawled out of bed. "No. I don't think I'll be going to back to sleep anytime soon. We can go downstairs so we don't wake him. Toothless? Stay with him?"

The Night Fury snorted, nodded, and crawled onto the bed as best as he could, wrapping himself around Hiccup.

After the two women went downstairs, Astrid spilled everything she hadn't been able to share with anyone else in the village, including the story Hiccup had told her just now about his capture. When she finished, Valka was silent for several minutes, long enough for the morning light to turn from pink to orange. When she spoke, she sounded like she had just come out of a brawl and was worse for it.

"Stoick sent me home ahead of him because he figured Hiccup would need me. I didn't think it was the best decision. We still haven't found the pirates who captured Hiccup initially. But now…" she paused, her hands fiddling with the edges of her sleeves, "Now, I can see he was right. He…Hiccup, my boy…why would they _ever_ …"

"I don't know," Astrid replied. She could feel her throat closing of its own accord, the grief finally hitting her full force, "But it made me think, with people like this roaming the world, how did we ever think _dragons_ were the monsters?"

Valka shook her head. Her hands suddenly tightened into fists. "Yes, it's a very good thing Stoick sent me home. In fact, those pirates better pray to whatever whoreson gods they believe in that _I_ don't ever meet them."

She lifted her head, and her green eyes met the younger girl's in a fierce promise. Astrid's own eyes locked with hers, and something sparked between them that grew into a blaze of righteous fury.

Astrid's lips curved into a snarl, and she replied with deadly fervor, "Me neither."

000

Many hundreds of miles away safely from Berk, two ships lay anchored next to each other in the middle of the sea. One was a pirate ship, and it had certainly picked the wrong Viking longboat to run into that day.

Stoick and Gobber were beneath the deck of their own huge longboat since the pirate ship had been all but torn to ribbons, and was only staying above the water by a prayer. While the Vikings salvaged what they could from the pirate ship and tossed the bodies of the dead crew members overboard, the chief and his right-hand were interrogating its captain.

The captain himself, even bound as he was with heavy rope and kneeling on the floor, didn't appear to want to talk too much. He just kept grinning with his too-few teeth and insisting they just kill him and get it over with. He did tell them he was a slave trader, but only because it didn't matter to him one way or the other if he told these Vikings he was a trafficker in human goods or a pig farmer.

"You Vikings think you can intimidate anyone because you've got axes the size of trees and arms the size of most people's legs," the captain scoffed, "What gives you the right to care how I make my living? The boy couldn't have been much use to you, especially since you let him go so easily."

Stoick held himself back from physically harming the captain with great effort, but his mouth took no such liberties. "That boy was my son, you worthless shit-heap! And since you're the one that took him and I'm the one with the huge arms and the huge axe and the one seeking revenge, I think I have all the right in the world!"

The captain's eyes widened in astonishment. "The boy's-?"

And then amazingly, he started _laughing_. Hysterically. He actually fell over on the floor, legs kicking out in his mirth. Stoick began to growl, and Gobber placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. Once the captain finished his fit, he sat up again and eyed them, giggles still shaking out of him.

"Oh, this is too good!" the captain exclaimed, "You let your own son walk into the hands of a pack of honor-less pirates, to be starved, live among the savages of Briton for weeks, and then the crew and I-oh, how rich!"

He doubled over again, and Stoick lost his patience, not that he had had much to begin with. He lifted the man up by the throat and shook him until he stopped laughing so obnoxiously.

"What did you do to him?" Stoick demanded, letting go of the man's throat so he could speak.

The pirate smirked after he coughed and caught his breath. "I take it all back, Viking chief. I think your son _was_ worth something. I mean, a pretty lad like that? You must have come across hard times at some point and found you could pass him around to the other men in your village and make a"-

He found himself being slammed to the ground by said Viking chief, who roared like a Grizzly in his rage. But he only kept speaking a river of acid that burned Stoick's ears to hear it.

"The last time I saw your brat, I was buried in his ass while he sucked my men's dicks. He screams like a little whore, that one. You know he did it so we wouldn't hurt the little girl we had in the cell? You should be proud of him! He's noble _and_ fuckable, what a perfect combin"-

The chief of Berk was seeing red. He smashed the pirate captain's head against the floor and laid a boot against his side, stepping down until he heard a rib crack and the man cried out in agony. Panting, Stoick picked him up and hurled him against the room's opposite wall. To his utter frustration, the captain sat up and began laughing again, although now there was blood smeared on one side of his face.

"Stop pissing around and kill me already," the captain demanded manically, "I'm more dead than alive now anyway."

Surprisingly, something in Stoick held him back through the red haze clouding his vision. He realized a moment later it was the sight of his son, a beaten ghost as they pulled him from the cells off the coast of Briton. And while this should have fueled his desire for revenge all the more, he suddenly knew that revenge against this man shouldn't be his to take.

"Kill me!" the captain demanded again, angrily this time.

"Stoick," Gobber growled, brandishing the axe attached to his arm, "Let _me_ kill 'im. I'll rip 'im from his balls to his"-

"No," Stoick ground out, "He's not ours to kill."

"What!?" Gobber squawked, "Who else has the right to kill 'im if not the chief? The _father_ of the boy who he did this too?"

Stoick stalked over to the man lying in a crumpled heap on the ground and lifted him up by his shirt. He put his face right in the pirate captain's and said lowly, "I will not decide your fate, because when my son recovers, that will be _his_ job."

The pirate began to giggle again, and the giggling soon turned into full-blown hysterical cackling which set Stoick's hair on end and his blood boiling with fury.

000

Hiccup had indeed fallen into a feverish stupor for the couple of days that followed after he told Astrid his story. Yet, even as Astrid swore at him for being such an idiot in between bathing his face with a cold cloth and his mother fussed over him to the point where most would consider it annoying, Hiccup only felt a sense of relief. Telling that bit of his adventure had caused him enough stress to make him sick, but it was like sucking poison out of snake bite: it got worse before it got better. And even though his head pounded like a war drum and his vision swam in nauseating circles when he was awake, when he slept he slept like the dead, and it was bliss like he had never known.

It was probably the fact that he was feverish enough to rival Toothless in temperature that caused Hiccup to state to Astrid one night, "If you don't want to marry me, I understand."

Astrid nearly dropped the load of firewood she was carrying into the room, and was saved only by Toothless quickly placing his head under her arms to hold the pile up. Once she recovered, she managed to rasp, "Marry you? Hiccup, you've never asked me to…"

"Oh. Oops." The mortification in his tone was unmistakable. "Well, then, forget I said anything."

He went silent, but Astrid couldn't just let something like that drop. So as she placed the firewood carefully on the floor and placed a piece on the fire itself, she asked quietly, "What would make you think I wouldn't want to marry you?"

She heard Hiccup sigh like he had a boulder on his chest and it was squeezing the life out of him. "Only for the obvious reason. You know, the fact I have no dignity left and can never look anyone in the eye ever again. The fact that I was used as a….toy by a bunch of toothless, sweaty old men."

Astrid closed her eyes against the bitterness in his tone. But surprisingly, after a few moments, she felt a chuckle bubbling in her chest as his words sank in, and she let it out. "Hiccup, dignity is not the problem. If I wanted someone who was dignified, I certainly wouldn't have chosen you."

Hiccup snorted, but it was not without humor. "Why thank you."

"But I know what you mean," Astrid continued, "And actually I've been waiting for you to ask me to marry you for a while, but only because tradition says that's what the one who wears the pants in the relationship does."

"In that case, shouldn't you be proposing to me?"

"Logically," Astrid laughed, "But…I did want to marry you before."

The silence that followed was almost palpable. Neither of them even dared to breathe, either because they were afraid of shattering the fragile balance of the moment or the air was too thick to do so.

"And now… nothing has really changed. It can't change. You're still you, Hiccup. I see it, and leaving is not going to change you for the better, or me for that matter. When I think of not being with you…" she paused to finally face him, wringing her hands, "It's like trying to imagine living in a world without the sun. Besides, even if you add a little rain to the day, the sun is still there behind it, shining just as brilliantly as ever. Did that make sense?"

Hiccup raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, and the expression was funny even around the fevered glaze in his eyes. "So…you're staying?"

Astrid smiled, and crossed the room to sit on the bed next to him. "Sorry, but yeah." She leaned down and kissed his sweating forehead, murmuring against his skin, "That's what happens when you love someone to the edge of the world and back. It makes you want to take care of them through all their pain, and even worse, it makes you want to marry them and spend the rest of your life with them."

Hiccup laughed, although to Astrid, it sounded more like a relieved sob. "Stupid love," he choked out.

She kissed the bridge of his nose and let his damp bangs tickle her nose. "Yeah. Love _is_ stupid."

000

That night, Hiccup's fever peaked, draining him of his strength so completely that all he could do was sleep, unaware of the three occupants standing vigil by his side. If love and loyalty could be depicted physically in Berk, this would be the image they would choose to represent it: a mother with her son's head in her lap, his intended lying flush against his back, and his dragon with his head atop his legs. The beauty of love, they might say, was that sometimes it was simple and instinctual and present in every move a person made whether they were aware of it or not. One thing Hiccup was profoundly unaware of was that he inspired this love and desire to protect in many, and this would be the reason his village would sing his praises as chief someday.

For now, the only thing Hiccup was aware of was the blood red images swimming in his subconscious, images the same color of his fever. A creature called Love battled with a creature called Fear, their war pounding in his brain and rocking his head back and forth sickeningly.

Love felt the warmth and protective embraces around him. It felt Astrid's desire for him and responded, soaking it in and wanting to give her the world and every bit of his essence all at once. It wanted to call her his everything, to fit his mother into his expanding heart, and house Toothless as his soul. It basked in the care it had known very little of five years and promised to give everything that was in its power to give back.

But Fear had the upper hand, fed and tortured into rising up for four months. It grabbed Love around the neck and choked it to within an inch of its life. It placed itself to Love's lips and force fed it all the humiliation, the blood, the anger, the pain, and the one person he had met that he could never tell Astrid about, _ever._

Love recognized this person begrudgingly for saving Hiccup's life, but as far as it was concerned, her kind touches on his thighs and her soft breath on his neck never happened. Astrid was his only.

Fear reminded him of the pleasure house in Rome, and about how his story of depravity was far from over.

For now, Hiccup only whined in his sleep, an unwilling neutral party to their battle. But he settled and hunkered back down again when Valka shushed him, Astrid kissed his hair, and Toothless nuzzled against his legs, and Love and Fear fell back for now, snarling at one another.

 


	10. Home Can't Wait

He was standing.

Finally, after almost a month of confinement to his bed in the loft, Hiccup was standing. On his own two feet. With no help from his mother or Astrid. Granted, the two of them were standing at his elbows in case his legs gave out, and Astrid had helped him put his prosthetic on when he announced he wanted to try standing that morning, but neither of them were touching him. His legs were burning and shaking with the effort of holding his weight, but the feeling of the blood rushing through the unused appendages was exhilarating, even if it did take away from the blood being supplied to his head. He was grinning like a fool, he couldn't stop, and he didn't give a yak's ass.

Toothless, who was sitting a few feet away from Hiccup, began to warble and bob his head in excitement. Hiccup, Valka, and Astrid laughed, and then he began to tap a paw insistently in front of him, before sitting down and regarding Hiccup expectantly.

When Hiccup raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to ask Toothless what he was on about, Valka translated for him, "He wants you to try walking over to him."

Toothless snorted the affirmative, green eyes wide and shining.

"Alright." Hiccup straightened up, squared his shoulders, and like an infant taking his first steps, tottered over to Toothless.

It was only a few feet, but for a body that had been off its feet and wasn't used to bearing weight, it was almost a thousand miles. When Hiccup finally reached Toothless, he had to lean against him for support. But he managed to turn around and face the two women. There was sweat prickling on his forehead and upper lip and his face had gone white with the effort, but the elated smile on his face didn't falter. He stood tall and stiffened his back, feeling more alive than he had in weeks.

His excitement was visceral; Astrid could practically taste it on her tongue and feel it curling about her heart and causing it to beat in tandem with his. She made her way over to him and kissed his cheek ecstatically.

"I'm so proud of you," she stated, instinctively pressing her side against his to help support him.

"I'm proud of me too," Hiccup replied breathlessly, and laughed without knowing why. He turned to Valka. "Can I sit downstairs today? Pleeeease?"

Valka took in her son's shining eyes, and Astrid and Toothless' twin nods of encouragement, and shrugged.

"As long as you stay by the fire, I don't see why not."

With a happy trill, Toothless scooped Hiccup onto his back and practically paraded him down the stairs while Valka and Astrid followed.

"I wonder how Stoick ever stood up to those eyes of his when that boy begged for something," Valka observed.

Astrid shook her head and said, "They've saved his life more than once. I think the only reason I haven't killed him sometimes is because he's cute."

Valka chuckled her agreement and patted Astrid on the back.

When the two of them reached the foot of the stairs, they witnessed Toothless helping Hiccup slide into a chair, before the dragon trotted off and returned with a large bear-skin in his mouth. He placed it in Hiccup's lap, and the Viking wrapped himself up in it, shivering slightly. The fire in the pit in the center of the room was down to embers, so Toothless stirred it up again by gently blowing a thin stream of flame onto it. The fire roared again to life, bathing everyone with its heat. However, Hiccup continued to shiver, so Astrid took the liberty to scoot into the chair next to him and wrap the bear-skin around the both of them, tossing her legs over his lap and hugging him close to her.

"Thanks," Hiccup sighed, snuggling into the heated cocoon contentedly.

"That's what girlfriends are good for," she replied, "If nothing else, we make it so you don't freeze to death."

Hiccup laughed, and leaned his head against her shoulder. Astrid turned her head and buried her nose into his hair while stroking the side of his face, feeling his shivers die down.

"Still don't get why I'm so cold," Hiccup grumbled, "It's almost spring."

"Because you're still underweight," Valka answered, sitting down on the floor near them. Toothless came up behind her, laid down by the fire, and she leaned back against his scaly hide. "From what Astrid has told me, you've never been a ruddy lad, Hiccup, but now there's even less of you. Your body is missing vital fat it needs to keep warm. I thought anyone who lived among snow and ice for their whole lives knew that."

Hiccup rolled his eyes, but Astrid squashed his annoyance with another kiss on the cheek.

"You'll get there," the blond girl promised, "At least the healer doesn't need to visit as much anymore. Remember what she said before she left? We just have to keep feeding you lots of meat because it'll help build up your blood and muscles and lots of grains because it'll help give you energy. And obviously it's working. Your face is filling out and your shoulder blades and knee caps aren't deadly stabbing weapons anymore."

"You're lucky I'm comfortable and need your body heat or I'd throw you off," Hiccup mumbled, closing his eyes.

"No you wouldn't," Astrid snorted.

"Mmmph," Hiccup retorted. He was too warm and too happy and his head was filled with too little blood and too much of her scent to come up with anything more coherent.

"Young love," Valka elbowed the dragon, "How do you put up with it day after day, Toothess?"

Toothless groaned in a long-suffering manner and rolled his large, green eyes as if to say, _You have no idea._

They sat in companionable silence for several minutes, each enjoying the heat, touch, and sense of safety that had settled in the room. Hiccup enjoyed the feeling of Astrid's breaths fanning across his forehead and Valka found her pulse beating to the cadence of Toothless' rumbling purrs. For a moment, the two women could have sworn that sitting up had been too much excitement for Hiccup and his steady breathing indicated that sleep had made him its willing prisoner once again. But his eyelids opened a moment later, his eyes glittering in the light of the fire. His breaths remained steady and sleepy, indicating a deep sense of relaxation.

"You know," he said quietly, "there's more."

"Of what?" Astrid asked.

"What happened to me. I _was_ gone for four months. The thing with the pirates only lasted a month…I think. You don't know what happened when we reached the port."

Valka and Astrid shared a concerned look, and Valka leaned forward and touched Hiccup's knee.

"You don't need to tell us anything you don't feel ready to share," his mother assured him.

Hiccup shook his head. "I want to. Even though I got sick the last time, it did make me feel better. Now, you're all here with me. I see all of you at once, and I feel you all, and I feel safe. What happened to me feels a lot farther away than it used to."

Astrid sighed, cuddled him closer, and held one of his warm hands with both of hers. "We're listening."

He squeezed her hand back, touched by her show of support, and stirred up the dark waters of his memory once more.

000

Hiccup woke the next morning feeling as if he had been chewed up by an angry Monstrous Nightmare, spit back out, and then been invited to an all-night party where he had imbibed waaaay more mead than his slight body could handle.

It took only a split second and a white-hot pain slicing through his backside to remind him that that wasn't the case.

Hiccup opened his eyes, which were crusty from tears and was momentarily blinded by the morning light. A deep, agonized groan vibrated through his whole body from the top of his head to his toes. His whole body began to scream in unison, a high pitched wail like that of a suffering child. Everything demanded his attention at once and everything throbbed in unison so powerfully that all he could do was whimper weakly, crushed under the weight of his pain and his inability to make anything better.

Aelfgifu's fingers were suddenly skirting through his hair, across his face, trying feverishly to smooth out the lines of pain there.

"Hurts," he said, but his vocal chords were so raw that he barely made it above a whisper, "Hurts…hurts…"

"Shhh," Aelfgifu murmured, "Shhh now, I know, I'm sorry. What can I do, Hiccup? How can I help make it stop hurting?"

The concern in her voice in contrast to the cruelty of the voices from the night before undid Hiccup, and tears started slipping from his eyes without his consent. But his body was too exhausted to stop them, or produce too many of them. A gasping sob shuddered through his chest, and he wrapped an arm around his middle and placed another hand over his mouth in an attempt to make himself stop. The sobs hurt. _Breathing_ hurt.

"I want to go home," he whined helplessly, slipping into Norse. His brain was too much of a scrambled mess to think in any other language. "I want to go home, I want to go home, it hurts and it won't stop, it hurts it hurts, _dad make it stop_ "-

Regretfully, Aelfgifu placed a hand over his mouth because he was beginning to hyperventilate, and even though she couldn't understand all of what he just said, she understood enough and the pleading tone tore empathetic claws through her heart.

"Shhh, Hiccup, calm down," she crooned. She bent over him, covering his head and shoulders with her body, hoping her scent and her soft words would be enough to soothe him. As much as she wished she could, she couldn't give him his home, or his father; this was all she had to offer. "Easy now, sweetheart, I'm here, I have you and you're safe, okay? Shh, shh…"

Little by little, Aelfgifu pulled Hiccup out of his sea of pain and eased him back into the light out of the dark with her feminine voice. He still panted, but it was just from the pain and not from panic this time. He groped for her hand, and she offered it to him. He grabbed it and pulled it to his chest, grateful beyond words for her comfort. If she hadn't been here, if she had gotten away with her family and Hiccup had been alone to deal with what the pirates had done to him…well, she'd be a lot better off, but Hiccup didn't want to think about what kind of state he'd be in. Embarrassed, he buried his face into the side of her thigh, feeling her compassion rush through him warmly when she resumed stroking his scalp.

They remained like that for pretty much the rest of the trip, never far from each other's side always in contact with one another. Aelfgifu indulged him because, although he didn't know it, she had gotten a look at his pants at one point when she had excused herself to make water, and had noticed the awful bloodstain on the seat. Twelve she may be, but naïve she was not. Only then she understood Hiccup's craving for contact; it made him feel safe, and she came to learn that he was the kind of person who thrived on touch. However, this realization made her even sadder, because she had come to learn that touch could either heal or harm, and someone like Hiccup, who was so receptive to such a thing, and to be hurt to the degree that he had been…

The least she could do was sit beside him and let him use her lap as a pillow.

The two of them pulled into the harbor of their destination early in the morning, but they weren't taken out of their cells right away. However, Aelfgifu noticed as she roused herself from sleep, the crew certainly sounded busy. Their feet were pounding back and forth in every direction above their heads, yelling orders in strange tongues and clearly loading things from above deck first.

Knowing they had stopped and not knowing where they were set Aelfgifu's heart to pounding, and laying as she was behind Hiccup, she curled around him a little tighter, more protectively. Hiccup himself was still out cold, quiet snores disturbing only the pieces of straw that were too close to his nose, blissfully unaware of their current situation. Aelfgifu, remembering the utter horror in his face and rasp of his voice the last time he had come in contact with the pirates, thought it cruel to wake him yet.

So, she let him remain in the warm, sweet dream he had worked himself deep into, a dream filled with playing with his best friend and the laughter of the most beautiful girl in the world.

Then, the trapdoor opened with a piercing shriek, making Aelfgifu gasp in alarm and startling Hiccup out of his sleep. When he looked up and saw the pirate captain's face leering through the opening of the door above him, he yelped like a beaten puppy and scrambled backwards without conscious thought. He only stopped when he had backed himself into a corner of the cell, shaking like a leaf in a hurricane and the whites of his eyes terribly visible with his fear. Aelfgifu sprang to her feet and stood over him, alternating between crooning soft nothings of comfort to the paralyzed Viking and baring her teeth at the pirates that had begun to drop down through the trapdoor.

"Rise and shine!" the captain greeted, "All merchandise must go off the ship and into the streets of Rome to be sold. So what are we waiting for? Up we get!"

"We go _not_!" Aelfgifu snarled in Norse, only made angrier when Hiccup groped for her hand clutched it desperately. He was so scared…

"Unfortunately for you," the captain shrugged, "there are four of us, and two of you. So the odds are against you, lass."

The three burly pirates began to move forward, and Aelfgifu sat down beside Hiccup, pulling the shaking boy as close to her as possible. He buried his face into her neck, as if he could make the pirates disappear if only he couldn't see them. It was when he started murmuring, "I want to go home, Aelfgifu, I want to go _home_ ," that she felt tears sting her eyes.

But the two of them were wrestled apart despite their desperate attempts to cling to each other, and their hands were bound with rope so that such hopes of a comforting touch were dashed viciously. They were hauled above deck into the hands of more waiting pirates, and when the captain returned on deck, he whispered in Hiccup's ear, "You can walk right next to me," before he gave the lobe a subtle lick. Hiccup didn't quite manage to choke down a sob that leapt up from his throat.

Aelfgifu was right behind him (he could tell from her familiar screeches and death threats toward the pirates) and the entourage of pirates and their prisoners was marched off the ship into the streets of Rome.

They were led through a maze of streets so intricate that it made both of them dizzy, but the pirates certainly seemed to know where they were leading them. They marched with purpose, never faltering, not even when Hiccup stumbled or even when he fell at one point because he couldn't keep up with their brisk pace. He was simply hauled to his feet and pushed on, and Aelfgifu barely bit her tongue to keep her angry words in check. She might have appreciated all the strange people they passed if her situation was different, but as it stood, she would kill them all if she had to in order to escape.

They only stopped when they reached a large building where the smell of incense came wafting out the windows in almost visible clouds. The captain knocked on the wooden door with a flourish and a few moments later a huge man in a strange Roman tunic appeared in the doorway. He regarded the captain from under bushy eyebrows.

"I distinctly remember you telling me you'd bring me a dozen women," the Roman man growled, "There's only one here."

The captain snorted. "I had a dozen women, but I wasn't aware that I had also brought a mastermind on my ship." He shot a glare at Hiccup, who closed his eyes against it. "He helped them escape, and this was all I could salvage. I figured it was better than showing up empty handed, and that I could promise you _two_ dozen women for your house on my next trip. And the girl is rather pretty, don't you think?"

The Roman man growled unhappily, eyeing Aelfgifu. He decided that she was rather easy on the eyes, and quite young to boot. That was always a bonus.

"And the boy here," the pirate captain nodded to Hiccup, "would be a good-looking servant if nothing else. And"-

He suddenly raised his hand as if to strike Hiccup, and Hiccup flinched violently in turn. Aelfgifu leapt forward, intent on tearing that hand off and stuffing it down his throat, but was held back by the pirate behind her. The captain cackled at his own genius.

"He's a Viking, this one, so I thought it'd be best if I broke him in a little for you. Just to make sure he behaves. Shouldn't be any trouble now. So what do you say? Deal?"

The Roman grunted, and the two of them shook hands, and as the pirates led Aelfgifu inside, the captain stayed outside with Hiccup a moment longer.

"I'll miss you," he sighed.

Hiccup tried to control his rapid breaths. He let out a yip felt his face flush with mortification when the captain cupped his rear and gave it a squeeze. Without another thought, Hiccup dove into the house after Aelfgifu.

Hiccup found her standing slightly off to the right, a little ways away from the door. He immediately made a beeline for her and pressed himself against her side. Aelfgifu placed her bound hands atop his as best she could, and the two of them looked each other in the eye, relieved to be with each other in this new, strange place.

Strange though it was, a quick look around was enough to tell Hiccup exactly where they had been sold to. Sold yes, because he saw the pirates go out the door at that moment with several little bags of gold. Hiccup tried not to pay too much attention to that. Instead, he took in the several women adorned with beautiful jewelry, dresses and makeup, the lush couches and chairs, and the overall heady atmosphere of the place. Some women were sitting on the laps of their male guests, laughing and eating with them. Some were serving food, and some were coming in and out of the rooms further back in the building. And Hiccup knew without a doubt that they had been sold to a pleasure house.

The big man with the bushy eyebrows Hiccup assumed was their new owner appeared and cut their bonds. Instantly, Hiccup pulled Aelfgifu against him, scared just thinking about the plans the man probably had for her. If Hiccup was right, he planned on training Aelfgifu to be just like these other women, and if he could help it, he wouldn't let that happen.

But it appeared that wouldn't be the case as of yet, because he turned and called out the names of two of the women, who appeared by his side in an instant. Hiccup felt himself blushing from how low cut one of the women's dresses was.

"They get baths and they get fed," the big man ordered, "and the boy gets a shave."

Aelfgifu looked at Hiccup helplessly, wondering what they were saying. Luckily for her, Hiccup understood Latin far better than he understood Anglo-Saxon. But before he could translate for her, the women nodded and gently lead Aelfgifu and Hiccup towards the back rooms. As they passed, Hiccup felt the majority of the women's eyes land on him. They were eyeing him like he was a delicacy, and when they began to murmur amongst themselves, he caught a few whispers like, "How lovely" and "I wonder if he's free later?" and even "You think he'd mind if I pinch his ass, just a little?"

Hiccup bowed his head, blushing hard. Aelfgifu, although she didn't understand what they were saying, caught his blush and rubbed his arm soothingly. She even shot a glare at the women for good measure, but all they did was laugh at her.

When they reached the bathing room, the two women turned the knobs of two respective bathtubs, and to Hiccup and Aelfgifu's utter astonishment, water began flowing from pipes in the walls into the tubs. They took pots of heated water boiling over the fireplace in the corner of the room, and added them to the baths until steam rose in tendrils. Hiccup and Aelfgifu only watched and stood in the middle of the room awkwardly, too afraid to move.

The two women finally turned off the knobs and crossed the room to the two arrivals. Without warning, one of the women began to untie Hiccup's shirt and peel it off him. Next to him, Aelfgifu skittered away from the other woman that was trying to undress her.

"I-I can undress myself, thank you," Hiccup stuttered in Latin.

The woman trying to undress him raised an eyebrow. "You speak Latin?"

"Yes. But Aelfgifu doesn't." He nodded towards the Anglo-Saxon girl. "I can translate for her though."

The woman shrugged. "Do what you must."

However, when she didn't move, Hiccup looked at her confusedly. "Uh…aren't you going to turn around?"

The woman behind him barked a laugh and said, "We've seen plenty of naked men, honey. Neither of you don't have anything we haven't seen a million times before."

Hiccup slowly lowered his eyes to the ground, the blush returning, before he mumbled shyly, "I um, I have a girl, at home, and I…"

He broke off, too embarrassed to say anymore.

The women shared a look, and the one who was standing in front of Hiccup sighed before she turned her back towards the tub.

"Hurry up," she ordered, "We can't leave the room until you're clean, though. Egan doesn't want you escaping."

"Uh, Egan?" Hiccup asked, peeling off his shirt with record speed. He heard the rustle of clothing next to him as well, indicating that Aelfgifu was undressing too.

"The one who owns you now. The manager of this place."

"Ah, bushy-eyebrows guy. Looked at me like I spit in his sandwich and kicked his child when I walked in."

She smirked, although Hiccup didn't see it. Taking a breath, he peeled off his pants and underthings in one go, before hobbling to the tub and unbuckling his prosthetic only when he had a firm grip on the rim. Laying it on the floor within easy reach, he slipped into the tub.

As soon as the hot water touched his skin, Hiccup groaned loudly with relief, hearing Aelfgifu echo a similar sentiment when she got into her tub across the room. It was the most heavenly thing he had ever felt, and against his will, all of his tense muscles began to loosen under the hypnotic spell of the heat. He slid down, and the back of his head hit the rim with an audible "thunk," but the pleasure outweighed the pain by far. However, the spell was broken when one of the women told him to start washing before the water got cold. He sighed sadly, and relayed the orders to Aelfgifu in Anglo-Saxon. But the act of washing himself was familiar and comforting in its own right, and Hiccup felt himself relaxing even further as he began to spread soap through his stiff and salty hair.

"So," he asked the women, "tell me more about Egan."

He turned to looked at them, and saw that they had moved from the center of the room to stand by door, arms crossed like a couple of scantily clad sentries.

"There are two important things you need to know about him," one of the women answered, "One, he is Roman-born, but his parents were not. This has inspired him in his selection of women for his pleasure house; most of them are foreigners. Egan finds that the men of Rome appreciate the beauty of foreign women as much as he does. Where are you and your friend from?"

Hiccup dunked his head under the water and came up again, rinsing out his hair. "I'm from the North, and Aelfgifu is from Briton."

"Ah, we have a couple women here from Briton. And that would make you a Northman? A Viking?"

"Yes. Is that bad?"

The woman uncrossed her arms and tapped a finger on her chin. "Never seen a Viking up close before and certainly never had one here. It'll make you unique in this house, that's for sure. From what I've heard, Vikings would usually rather die than become prisoners. You're a proud bunch to be sure, at least, I thought you were." She eyed Hiccup significantly.

Hiccup tried not to make a face at her patronizing tone and instead began to wash his hair again. "And what's the other thing about Egan?"

This time, the other woman answered him, and her voice came out quiet. "You must do what he says, no matter what it is. Disobedience is not tolerated. If you do not obey him…well, the consequences are not pleasant."

"Would he kill me?"

"Maybe. But he prefers to make people suffer without killing."

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Aelfgifu demanded across the room.

"Sorry," Hiccup apologized, almost forgetting she was there. He relayed what he had told the women so far about where they were from and what they had said about Egan. When he mentioned the part about punishment, Aelfgifu snorted.

"I'd just kick him in the balls," she said bluntly, "Men are no problem after a good kick in the balls. You may get all the physical strength, but that's your one weakness."

"That and women," Hiccup winked at her, "remember for someday when you are finding man. We become stupid as sheep when meeting pretty girl."

She giggled, and continued washing.

When Hiccup finally deemed himself clean enough, the water in the tub was a dirty brown color so dark he wasn't visible in the water from the waist down. The woman who had tried to undress him before walked over to him, picking up a razor blade as she went. She made him face her, and after telling him to sit absolutely still, began to shave off the scrubby beard that had appeared on his face over this past month. Aelfgifu was helped out of the tub, dried, and dressed in a Roman tunic similar to the ones the women in the pleasure house wore. She was then ushered out of the room.

"Come," the woman ordered her, "We'll brush your hair and find you something to eat. And then you can settle for the night."

"Wait, no!" Aelfgifu protested, "I'm not leaving without Hiccup!"

Hiccup wanted to answer her, but was too afraid of moving his jaw with that razor blade so close to his throat.

However, the woman, even though she didn't understand her Anglo-Saxon, saw her emphatic look towards the Viking and heard her utter what she assumed was his name, and understood.

"He'll be getting something to eat too, and then he'll get his own room for the night," she assured the girl.

Hiccup carefully pushed the razor blade away. "Go, okay? They say I am being behind you."

He smiled reassuringly, and she nodded, allowing herself to be shepherded out the door.

The woman left behind finished shaving him without another word, only saying after she rinsed the stray hairs off his face, "You look much less like a Viking now, but no less lovely. You will be a treat for all eyes here."

Hiccup didn't quite know what to say to that, so he didn't say anything, trying to ignore the writhing sensation in his gut.

Speaking of his gut, the thing chose that moment to growl loudly, announcing its appalling emptiness to the room. Hiccup cringed with embarrassment.

The woman nodded sympathetically and said, "Get dried off and dressed and you will be fed. Egan does not starve us here."

000

Hours later, Hiccup lay in a bed one of the pleasure house women had assigned him. The bed itself was warm and incredibly soft, and he could feel every one of his tender muscles breathe a huge sigh of relief. A hot meal, though strange in taste but no less welcome to the hungry young man, lay comfortably in his stomach, which felt completely full for the first time since he had be taken from his home. Warm, clean, and sated, he could feel sleep dragging him down into its seductive depths.

Yet, a nagging twinge in his breast wouldn't let him succumb to its call. It took him a moment to figure out what that twinge meant; it was prickly and an uncomfortable, almost painful contrast to his boneless relaxation. His body whined plaintively that it just wanted to _sleep_ , but his anxious heart was strongly against it.

This was the first time he had had a moment to just think since he had been captured. There were no prisoners to worry about across the cell, and Aelfgifu was who knows where in the house. It was too quiet, quiet enough that he could feel his blood thrumming through his veins and hear his heartbeat in the pillow. He found quickly that his thoughts began to spiral towards Astrid, and the anxiety in his heart rapidly turned to agony. Hiccup suddenly felt the overwhelming need to hold something, but nothing was at hand, so all he could do was wrap his arms around himself. The rich meal that had soothed his belly before began to bubble uncomfortably in his distress. Tears pricked at his eyes, and he buried his face in the pillow, hating that the slightest things could set him off lately. So he did the only thing that seemed to bring his mind any peace these days.

He started to sing.

His voice was terrible and tight, but the sound of it in the empty room emanating words that brought happy memories of home was a balm to his strained mind. It was a song about dragons that, oddly enough, he had composed himself. It wasn't anything special, but he had sung it for Astrid (after she had threatened him with her axe if he didn't), and she had ended up loving it, despite his shaky voice. Therefore, when he sang it, he saw her face in his mind and felt her presence in his heart.

Hiccup was suddenly pulled out of his cloudy reverie by a timid squeak made by the opening door. He sat up in bed, and was beyond relieved to see Aelfgifu standing in the doorway clad in a nightdress.

"I'm glad to see you're still awake," she said softly, "I'd hate to be disturbing you."

Hiccup smiled kindly. "Glad you disturb me. Too lonely here."

Aelfgifu returned his smile, and asked haltingly, "Would you mind if I…stayed here? Just for tonight?"

"Not at all." Hiccup patted the spot on the bed next to him, understanding suddenly that she must have felt as lonely as he did. He lay down and she dove beneath the blankets before she curled up against his back. He then felt her bury her face between his shoulder blades and take a deep, relaxing breath. At her touch, Hiccup instantly felt the pain in his heart over Astrid's absence fade and the hot, prickly bubbling in his stomach eased. Knowing he wasn't alone, he felt himself begin to drift once more.

"I miss my dad and my sister, Hiccup," Aelfgifu said, her voice muffled by Hiccup's back.

Hiccup took a deep breath, forcing oxygen into his lungs to wake himself up a little. "I know."

"And you must miss Astrid and your dad."

"…Yes."

One small arm wrapped around his waist. "I promise you right now, Hiccup. We're going to get out of here and we're going to get home. I'm not staying here."

Hiccup felt his chest hitch, but he replied, "Is promise. We help each other home. We see our families once more."

He felt her squeeze his waist, before she drew her hand back, and fell asleep a few minutes later.

"We'll see our families again," Hiccup whispered in Norse to the night, "I'm coming, Astrid. I…I love you."

And with that, he followed Aelfgifu into the realm of sleep.

 


	11. The Whore and the Soldier

Hiccup and Aelfgifu settled into their new lives at the pleasure house as seamlessly as they could manage. Aelfgifu was indeed being trained by the other women how to please men, but from what she told Hiccup it was just limited to serving them food and talking to them. For now. And no, she didn't let them touch her when they tried, threatening to break their fingers instead. When she told him this, Hiccup had laughed uproariously and lifted her into a spinning hug which she happily returned.

Unfortunately, Hiccup couldn't do much to protect her, and their contact with each was limited. While she was inside the pleasure house, Hiccup was usually kept outside in the stables behind it. Egan had assigned him the job of tending to his guests' mounts. And as far as jobs went, it wasn't too bad in Hiccup's mind. As someone who loved dragons but couldn't be around them currently, horses were a close second. They were just as affectionate, bratty, and loved to be scratched on their withers or on certain places on their backs. The faces they made as a result amused him, and Hiccup found that they were a good set of ears to talk off or a warm body to lean against when he felt lonely.

Even a few cats wandered into the stable from time to time, drawn in by the mice. When he would sit down for breaks, they liked to snuggle in his lap or play with the pieces of straw he would twirl in front of them. One even liked to climb onto his back and sit when he would bend over, but then wouldn't let him stand back up again for several minutes, kneading its claws into his skin (much to Hiccup's annoyance) and purring contentedly.

The stable became a safe place where Hiccup was often alone, unseen, and surrounded by the warm smells of animals. For the first time in a long time, he felt an undercurrent of happiness in his breast. The horses and cats reminded him of his dragons, and the echo of home was enough for now.

It was only days when Hiccup was asked inside to help that he began to grow nervous, like today. A few of them women had fallen ill with dysentery, and their numbers were reduced enough that Hiccup's help was needed. Aelfgifu was thankfully not one of those women, and she scurried along by his side the entire day, chattering excitedly and fending off women that she thought were invading Hiccup's personal space just a little too much.

"What's their deal?" she growled with annoyance, "Gods above, they look at you like they've never seen a pair of broad shoulders before."

Hiccup ruffled her hair and laughed appreciatively. "I not worry with you here."

"Bring those dishes out, boy!" Egan called from up front, "We have a regular up front, make haste!"

Aelfgifu rolled her eyes and mumbled some comment on how his mouth produced as much shit as his asshole (Hiccup practically burst from trying to hold back laughter) and the two of them walked out with the afternoon's delicacy, placing it in front of Egan's guest and then backing away. They stood slightly behind the couch where he was seated flanked by four women, waiting in case he needed something else. When he caught sight of Hiccup, his eyes followed the boy's movements, which Hiccup didn't seem to notice. But Aelfgifu did, and she automatically glared at him in a way a dragon glares at a wild boar when it comes too close to her hatchlings. The man smirked in amusement, and turned to Egan.

"Everyone you have available today is in the lounge?" he asked.

"Everyone," Egan assured him, "Choose your pleasure, my good Woreos, and you will always make the right decision here."

"I know," Woreos said, stroking one of the women on the side of the face. His eyes scanned the room. "Hmmm…"

He stopped, and chuckled a little; Hiccup could see his shoulders shake with it. He stood up from the couch and made a path straight towards Hiccup. The Viking's eyes grew continuously wider until he had stopped in front of him. Aelfgifu bristled and took hold of Hiccup's hand, which had begun to shake.

"Him?" Egan asked in surprise.

"Me?" Hiccup squeaked, "But I'm not"-

Hiccup gasped and blushed a bright shade of red when Woreos suddenly reached forward and grabbed him between his legs. Aelfgifu shouted in indignation and lunged, grabbing Woreos' arm and trying to drag him off. Egan stepped up and picked her up by her waist even as she continued thrashing. He handed her over to the women on the couch with orders to hold her there. Aelfgifu spat obscenities at him while the women had to practically sit on her to hold her down.

"You're sure?" Egan asked, "He's just a servant."

Woreos looked at him in a sidelong manner, his hand still gripping Hiccup's groin. "What kind of pleasure connoisseur would I be if I didn't explore all my options? I'd be missing out on half of what the world has to offer if I only stuck to women. And this one is a right beauty."

Hiccup tried to squirm away as delicately as he could, but Woreos only tightened his grip and Hiccup gave up. There were times to fight, but someone having your balls in a death grip was not one of them.

Egan shrugged. "Very well. Choose your suite. You paid for two hours, so he's yours for that time. I'd like to have a word with him first, if you don't mind. You may go on ahead and I will send him to your room in a moment."

Woreos nodded pleasantly, and finally released his grip, to which Hiccup let out a grateful sigh. As soon as he left however, Egan was in his place and wrapping one beefy hand around the back of his neck. Hiccup yipped in surprise as Egan placed his mouth by Hiccup's ear and began to whisper intensely.

"If you don't behave yourself, I promise you you'll regret it."

Hiccup froze, feeling like a mouse caught in the jaws of a cat, especially when Egan because to squeeze his neck so hard he swore he felt his spine crack. Hiccup yelped, and Egan growled, "Now go on," before he gave Hiccup a rough shove toward the direction where Woreos had disappeared, nearly making the Viking fall to the floor. When he recovered from his stumble, he paused, looking from Egan's furious face to Aelfgifu's, hers a mask of sympathetic terror.

"Hiccup," she pleaded, "Hiccup, don't! I won't let them hurt you again!"

He wanted to assure her that it would be okay, that he really wasn't as scared as he looked, that his knees weren't really shaking and, no, he wasn't going to throw up even though that's what it looked like-

Egan snarled at him, and Hiccup cowered like a beaten dog, racing towards Woreos' room.

It was like walking to the gallows. Hiccup was suddenly aware of every beat of his heart as he never had been, and couldn't stop his legs from moving forward for fear of what Egan would do to him if he refused. He buried his shaking hands in his hair, tugging them through the strands, and became confused when the fingers of his right hand snagged on something.

And then his heart nearly stopped altogether.

His fingers had snagged on the two tiny braids near the base of his neck. Oh gods, those were Astrid's braids, the ones she liked to weave into his hair no matter how unnecessary he thought they were. He still tolerated it because it seemed to make her happy when he left them there. They were a symbol of her that he had forgotten he had taken with him, a symbol of her and everything she meant. A hand went over his mouth even as the other still fingered the braids, and he felt his throat closing up. The mist of clouds in the sky brushing across his skin during a dragon flight and her fringe tickling the back of his neck suddenly rolled through his mind so fast and so hard he couldn't move. Hiccup began to wish the impossible for the millionth time since he left home. He wished Astrid was here, and that she could magically save him from all this.

He didn't realize he had stopped in front of Woreos' room until the man came and ushered him through the doorway, closing the door behind him. Hiccup didn't, couldn't stop touching the braids even as Woreos began to grope down his thighs and buttocks. He bit his lip, and squeezed his eyes shut, tensing every muscle and willing his mind to take him back home again.

_Astrid brushing her fingers through his hair, sweet breath on his face, murmuring comfortingly in his ear, "Shh, now, it's okay."_

" _No it's not," he gasps back, "They hurt me Astrid, please just make it stop. Just let me come with you, I want to go home."_

" _I know. I wish I could make it stop hurting. I'm sorry"-_

Growing frustrated at how Hiccup had clammed up on him, practically curling forward to shield himself, Woreos ripped his arms down from they had crossed over his chest and furiously yanked his pants down. Hiccup cried out, and Woreos pushed him onto the bed where he landed on his hands and knees. He felt hands on his rear and a tongue swiping itself over the taut flesh.

"Welcome to the home of a dirty mind, little whore," Woreos whispered huskily against him. The feeling of that hot breath ghosting over his skin made Hiccup's insides crawl.

Hiccup swung his head around to glare at him over his shoulder. "I'm not a-Ow! Stop it, that hurts!"

Fingers forced themselves into his entrance, scissoring without any care, stretching it too wide. Woreos bared his teeth at him.

"Shut up," he said, "You know, word in the whorehouse is you have a girl back home in your mud pit. Well guess what? Your woman won't want you when I'm through with you, boy."

Woreos replaced his fingers with his length, gripping Hiccup around the hips so hard Hiccup was sure there would be bruises later. The blinding pain turned his mind white for a moment, and the only thing left in that space were the most basic words of comfort he could dredge up, the words he used to tame wild dragons.

"Easy now, shh…shh, trust me…"

"Oh, you want to make some noise? I'll make you holler then."

Something tore then, and Hiccup bit his lip so hard he could feel blood oozing under his teeth. His body curled like dried tinder set on fire, and he knew his old wound had just reopened itself. Worse still, Woreos didn't seem to know how to keep his mouth shut and just kept dripping acid into Hiccup's eardrums even as the poor boy tried his best to go back to Astrid in the golden part of his mind.

"Oh be quiet. You want it and you know it, beautiful. You…you don't deserve dignity, not someone as pretty as you. This is the only position you deserve to be in, and it's the only one you'll be in for the rest of your life."

" _Hiccup, you know that's not true," Astrid says, "Don't let him say that. Don't let him think that, not even for a second."_

" _How?" he whimpers helplessly, "It hurts Astrid!"_

" _Then do something about it. Show him the pride and strength of a Viking."_

Hiccup snapped out of his white daze only to find himself being flipped onto his back. Woreos inched up his torso, manhandling his hips and mouthing his way up his body. Hiccup shivered and felt bile rise in his throat.

And then Astrid's words sunk in like rainwater onto his parched brain.

Show him the pride and strength of a Viking.

Never surrender.

Fight.

….Fight!

Woreos pushed up Hiccup's shirt, kissing a messy trail up his neck and then nibbling on his jaw. Hiccup began to struggle, pushing at his shoulders, but was slapped hard on the rear for his efforts. However, instead of demeaning him as the action was supposed to, it just made him angry. A flurry of sparks burst in his chest, smoldering until they became a raging inferno.

If they thought he was a barbarian, fine. He would become the animal they all feared.

Hiccup realized he had enough room to draw his knees up to his chest. He did so, lifted him with his feet before he kicked him clear off the bed. The man hit the floor with a hard "clunk," and Hiccup used this opportunity to scramble off the bed and draw his pants back up with trembling fingers.

"Bastard," Woreos snarled as he stood up from the floor, "I'll give you one chance to get back on that bed. Take it or you won't like the results. I'm a legionnaire for the Roman army. You don't want to fight me."

Hiccup drew his upper lip over his teeth in a snarl. "Yeah? Well I'm a Viking. I've tamed one of the most dangerous species of dragons in the world and I've killed another that was the size of Rome. If I were you, I'd be begging for mercy."

"But you're not me, are you?"

It really wasn't much of a fight. Woreos, legionnaire though he may be, was no match for Hiccup, who was at least a head taller than him and much more agile. Once Hiccup had him in a hold, he brought his metal foot up to smash between the man's legs and swore he felt something pop. Before he dropped him, he crashed their foreheads together, and then let the man slump unconscious to the floor, blood dripping from a cut on his forehead and staining the crotch of his pants. Hiccup stood up straight, panting and shaking.

Footsteps pounded down the hallway in response to the commotion their grappling produced, and the door swung open to reveal a red-faced Egan. He looked down at the unconscious man and then up at the Viking, who had squared his shoulders and puffed out his heaving chest. His teeth were still bared and blood slid in a tiny stream from his forehead. Egan charged forward without a word and threw a punch at Hiccup. Hiccup managed to dodge so that the fist didn't end up in his gut as it was intended, but instead up landing square on his ribcage. Something snapped and gave under that huge fist, and he crumpled to the ground with a shriek of pain.

That was when a group of women came to the doorway, Aelfgifu among them. The instant she saw Hiccup on the floor, clutching at his ribs and struggling to draw oxygen into his deflated lungs, she gasped and rushed to his side.

"Take him to his room," Egan ordered her, before he picked up Woreos and headed out of the room.

000

Hiccup found himself lying on his bed a few minutes later, a block of ice on the lump on his head and Aelfgifu binding his ribs. Every breath felt like someone was driving a knife into his chest and twisting it, his head was pounding hard enough that black spots were dancing in his vision, and his vision itself was fuzzy and indistinct around the edges.

"What happened in there?" she asked, pulling his shirt back down over his bindings. Hiccup shrugged and found himself fingering his braids once more.

"Astrid is waiting," he said simply, "Not going to let him have me."

Aelfgifu watched his fingers, and reached over to tentatively touch he braids. "Did she do those?"

Hiccup smiled. "Yes."

A wide grin formed on her face, and she said, "That's very cute," before she fell silent for a minute. Then she observed with a smirk, "Apparently you half-castrated him with that kick."

"…Oh."

"Told you men are no problem after a good kick in the balls."

Hiccup laughed, but it immediately dissolved into a pitiful groan. Laughing with a broken rib was not a good idea.

"Are you supposed to be here?" Hiccup asked worriedly, "Egan just say to put me in room, not heal."

"He can blow himself for all I care," Aelfgifu snorted, "You're hurt, and we can't get out of here if you're hurting."

She ladled some water into a small cup, and tipped it to his lips. Hiccup gulped it ravenously, tugging at the cup with his lips in his insistence to drink. All the adrenaline that had been rushing through him before had fizzled out, leaving him overwhelmingly thirsty and exhausted. Yes, even despite his pain he felt he could sleep for an age. He handed the cup back to Aelfgifu, the thing suddenly feeling too heavy for him to hold.

"You should sleep," Aelfgifu suggested, "since you just went through something really scary and all. It's the body's natural way of calming itself down."

"Mhmm," Hiccup agreed, "You stay?"

Aelfgifu twisted her face into an expression of mock offense. "Duh."

He nodded and closed his eyes. "Never have thanked you Aelfgifu. Do not know what I do if not for you. For everything you do for me, thank you so very much."

Aelfgifu actually felt her throat closing with emotion, but covered it up by lowering her head and carefully kissing his cheek. "I don't know what I'd do without you either. Rest now."

Hiccup sighed gratefully, feeling her hand find its customary place at his temple to begin stroking his hair, soothing him. Hiccup shut his eyes, and in no time at all, he could feel sleep sucking him down into its depths, and he gave himself to the sensation wholeheartedly. Gradually his breaths evened out and deepened, and at the sound of his first raspy snore, Aelfgifu laid her head next to his, before she closed her eyes as well. She continued to run her fingers through his hair, listening to his breathing, feeling his body grow heavier. Soon, the only sound in the room was Hiccup's snoring, and Aelfgifu felt herself drift, savoring the moment of quiet and feeling of safety.

Egan slammed the door open, causing the Anglo-Saxon girl to sit bolt upright with a gasp and Hiccup to awaken painfully. The boy groaned, the pounding in his head intensifying at the loud noise and his ribs throbbing in tandem. His nerves seemed to snarl at him angrily, furious because they were so tattered and needed him to _rest_.

Without warning, Egan came up to the bed and slapped Aelfgifu so hard her head was whipped around and she crumpled to the floor. Hiccup cried out in outrage, but was helpless to do anything else.

"I did not tell you to tend to him," the Roman man bellowed, "Why can't you follow the simplest orders?"

As Aelfgifu sat up and touched her fingers to her bottom lip (which was bleeding), Egan grabbed Hiccup by the front of his shirt and lifted him up until he was eye level with him. Hiccup narrowed his eyes and stared him down, burning Egan with the fire in his gaze like the filth he was. Egan didn't flinch, and it took every ounce of self-control he possessed not to slap the defiance out of the stubborn Viking.

"I warned you," he ground out dangerously, "And you didn't listen. I hope you're ready to face the consequences."

Hiccup pulled his head back, worked his jaw, and spit in the man's face.

Egan flinched, angrily wiped his face, and dropped Hiccup on the bed. He ran out of the room, and then returned a few minutes later with a thick coil of rope. He grabbed a chair from the corner of the room, lifted Hiccup off the bed, and forced him into the chair, before he tied him to it with the rope. Nothing was left free; his hands were tied in front of him while he was bound from the shoulders to his waist to the back of the chair. Even his ankles were bound to the legs. Hiccup tried wiggling his limbs, but he was stuck tight; there was no getting free.

"Adetia!" Egan called out the doorway.

A woman appeared obediently in the room a few moments later.

"Watch him tonight," he ordered, "He's to have no food, no water, and no sleep. Three days. If he sleeps, wake him."

The woman nodded meekly, and sat on Hiccup's bed. Egan turned towards Aelfgifu, who was trying her hardest to kill him with her glare.

"You piece of shit," she snarled, "You can't do this to him! He's hurt, and he's exhausted, and it's your fault in the first place!"

But Egan didn't understand her Anglo-Saxon, and dragged her out of the room by her hair. But the girl didn't even seem to notice the pain, making the big Roman man fight for every inch towards the door. Even when it slammed shut and they were on the other side, Hiccup could still hear her screams, and then another resounding slap. Hiccup flinched and held back a helpless sob, frustrated tears welling up in his eyes.

He had really done it this time, hadn't he?

 


	12. Run, Prince of All Things

Day One

The instant Egan shut the door and Hiccup was left alone with the woman, Adetia, who was meant to watch over him, he chanced a look at her. She refused to meet his eyes and seemed a bit nervous, even as Hiccup smiled at her.

Whatever. Hiccup sighed, feeling desperately uncomfortable at the tightness and scratchiness of the ropes binding him. He cast the soft bed, which was sitting not even a foot away, several longing looks, wishing he could be curled up in its blankets. As of now, his ribs were throbbing in tune with his head. A deep ache had begun in the base of his skull and penetrated the very core of his brain, brining unwanted nausea with it.

Worst of all, now that he was sitting still again, his body took it as a sign that everything was safe now and it was okay to go back to sleep. In the wake of the traumatic events of the day, nothing sounded better than to just escape everything and return to his lovely dreams of home, where he could be happy for a while.

And oh gods, suddenly his eyelids felt so _heavy…_

Maybe he could rest them, just rest them, just for a little while. Hiccup wanted so badly to relieve the pain that had taken up residence in his head, and it seemed to ease slightly when he allowed his eyes to close. Maybe Adetia wouldn't notice, or would be kind, see that he was hurt and take pity on him, allow him to sleep. Maybe she would unbind him and let him crawl back into his deliciously warm bed-

Hiccup gasped and his eyes flew open when he felt a slap across his face. Adetia was looking at him crossly, leaning forward on the bed, her hand still raised. He gaped at her, startled.

"You are not to sleep," she said simply, and sat back down.

Hiccup shook his head disbelievingly. "You're seriously going to listen to Egan? You'd strike me even when he's struck you before? You know how it feels to suffer, how degrading it is! Why would you wish the same thing on someone else?"

Adetia's set expression didn't waver and she repeated, "You are not to sleep. No food and no water either. That's what Master Egan said."

"Has he brainwashed you that much?"

She said nothing more, and Hiccup sighed dejectedly.

Throughout the night, Hiccup heard sleep calling him as a coy lover might call to her mate. She hit all the right notes in his weary brain, asking him to try again, he was so exhausted, he _needed_ this. It wasn't just a case of want anymore; he _needed_ to rest because his body _demanded_ it. His head pounded sharply and he whined against it, wishing the pain would just _stop_. Not knowing what else to do, Hiccup leaned his head against the back of the chair and let his eyes close again.

This time, he actually felt the wonderful sensation of falling into oblivion, of blackness enveloping him in a warm, safe womb where nothing but the promise of healing and dreams awaited him and reality was left behind. His tight muscles began to ease into a state of liquid paralysis that meant deep sleep was at hand and his breathing took on a slower cadence.

Adetia slapped him awake again, harder this time. Hiccup groaned pitifully when pain exploded in his tender skull, nerves shrieking at him angrily. The adrenaline flowing through his system before had left everything feeling raw, shaky, and less tolerant of all things negative. When he gaped at Adetia helplessly, he didn't know whether he should scream in anger or cry in frustration. Both options seemed appealing.

"You're an entitled little shit, aren't you?" Adetia sneered.

"What makes you think that?" Hiccup wondered, "We've never spoken until now."

"Because that's what Egan calls you," she growled, "and if he hates you, I hate you."

She turned away from him, and Hiccup didn't have the strength to hold back a moan of despair.

Day Two

Adetia had been replaced with another woman that was more cruel and liked to speak to him even less, but still didn't show any mercy. Every time she saw his head beginning to nod, she shook him awake until his teeth rattled. It didn't help that his head never really stopped aching and neither did his ribs. And since he wasn't allowed to sleep, the tortured nerve endings were never given a break or a chance to smooth themselves out. Worst still, the ropes were really beginning to cut off his circulation, and his blood began to feel thick and sluggish in his veins. His core temperature dropped as a result in combination with his extreme exhaustion, and he spent the whole day shivering.

To top it off, his stomach began to complain mercilessly, throwing a panicked tantrum because Hiccup hadn't filled it in over a day. It growled angrily, rolled, and yawned into a bottomless pit, not understanding why the body it belonged to couldn't feed it. And all Hiccup could do was bite his tongue through its loud complaints and the weakness that threaded through his muscles as a result.

In short, in just two days, Hiccup was unfathomably thirsty, hungry, and so sleepy he couldn't focus on anything. He was utterly unable to fulfill any of his body's most basic demands. The only thing he could do was cry in utter frustration, but his tears didn't fill his belly or ease his exhaustion.

It was then that he realized what Egan's plan really was in punishing Hiccup. By taking away his most basic needs, Egan had both reduced Hiccup to nothing and reminded him that he wore the collar while Egan held the leash. He was asserting his dominance over his slave as surely as a dog humps another dog to accomplish the same thing, leaving the young Viking feeling just as violated. Hiccup figured out at that moment that he lived or died by this man's say so, and that returning home was a far-off, unobtainable dream.

Day Three

By this time, Hiccup had finally glimpsed with his waking eyes the dark place he had only encountered when he had been raped.

Through his lack of sleep and the calming, ambrosial effect of food and water, the place was made clearer to him than it had ever been. It was a place of lights flickering and revealing hideous faces with black eyes and bleached skulls, of wolves that tore at his soft throat, of huge men that fucked him until he split in two and lapped up the blood he produced afterwards. He could feel Astrid's golden presence trying to chase away the images, trying to wrap him in her warm, protective arms, but no matter how hard he reached for her or she reached back, he could never quite touch her before the demons came back and shoved him back under their black waters.

With no sleep, dreams mingled with reality until everything collided into one waking nightmare.

So deadened were his reflexes that Hiccup didn't register the door opening, or the shriek of the woman that was watching him cut off abruptly. Nor did he notice that there was someone in front of him and that the ropes that bound him to the chair were being loosened. The next thing he knew, he was waking up on the floor while someone patted his cheeks frantically. His vision wavered and fuzzed, and for a moment he was blinded by light. His vision began to clear gradually, and he saw a feminine face hovering above him.

"…'strid?" he mumbled.

But eventually, when his eyes finally decided to focus, he saw that he was looking up, not at her, but at Aelfgifu.

"C'mon Hiccup, wake up, we have to go," she said, voice a mix of desperation and encouragement, "Get up, we're leaving tonight."

Hiccup shook his head, trying to clear it. Her voice sounded muffled, like he was hearing her speak from the shore while his head was still submerged underwater. His brain was so sluggish and dead that it took a minute for him to decipher her words and react accordingly.

"Leave?" he asked.

"Yes, now!" Aelfgifu hissed, tugging on his arm, "This is the first time Egan has turned his back on me in three days and I'm not wasting it! Up you get!"

Summoning the strength of every muscle in her lithe body, she hauled the much taller Viking to his feet. He stumbled, but stayed standing. With a nod of approval from his younger crutch, he followed her in a daze to the open window and let her haul him out of it and into the night.

"Where go?" Hiccup wondered.

"Doesn't matter," she answered, "as long as it's far away from here."

They only made it halfway down the road from the pleasure house before one of Hiccup's knees buckled and the other soon followed, sending him into a slow pitch towards the ground. Aelfgifu gasped and caught him as best she could, dancing out of the way so his larger body didn't crush hers. With a grunt, she set him upright on the ground and got a look at his face. It was relaxed and his eyes were closed, his breathing even and his head lolling on his shoulders. Aelfgifu realized he hadn't just fallen down, but asleep, and she bit her lip worriedly.

"Hiccup, please wake up, someone will see us," she begged, shaking him by the shoulders.

After a few moments, he opened his eyes with a weak groan, looking up at her with unfocused eyes. Aelfgifu barely suppressed a noise of shock; his eyes were bloodshot and dark circles were smudged under them to the point where they looked like bruises. His face had grown thinner, more sickly, and upon putting her hand on the side of his face, she realized he was warmer than he should be. She made a frustrated noise; there was no way they were going to be able to leave here on foot. They'd need to try something else…

"Hiccup," she ordered seriously, "Stay here. Just rest for a minute, okay? I'll be right back."

His eyes were glazed as he looked up at her, mouth trying to form words but his tongue too dry and clumsy to do so. All he managed to produce were feeble squeaks and whimpers. Aelfgifu grasped the sides of his head, kissed his forehead hard, and took off, leaving him in the shadow of an alleyway where she prayed no one would find him.

Hiccup knew he must have taken Aelfgifu's advice whether he wanted to or not and dozed off, because the next thing he remembered was opening his eyes and seeing four hooves in his line of vision. He tilted his head up, and saw Aelfgifu stroking the nose of one of the horses that he had taken care of in the stables. The horse lowered her head and touched its nose to his face, nudging his head until he woke fully.

"Here's our way out," Aelfgifu said, patting the horse on the neck, "You ride in back and hold onto me."

Hiccup shook his head. "Better if I rode front? I could"-

"Just…I have a feeling," she held up a hand, "trust me on this. I should ride in front. A horse isn't a dragon anyway, you'd have no idea what you were doing."

Not possessing the energy to argue, he watched as she tried to pull him upright, but failed miserably. Actually, Hiccup didn't have the energy to do _anything_. Even breathing was becoming a chore. And what was the point anyway? They would just get caught anyway, right?

"Tell me why, Aelfgifu," Hiccup slurred, "Is all gone. Why bother. Can't get home, they find us no matter where go."

"Oh shut up," Aelfgifu huffed, still tugging on his shoulders, "Before I smack you. Get up."

"Is all gone…gone and black, I cannot really leave…"

"Shut UP! Get up, damn you! I'm not letting you give up here, you hear me? We're so close! What about Astrid? Do you really want her to chop your ass up if you don't come home to her when she's been waiting so long for you?"

Hiccup flinched, but said nothing, eyes still dark and dead.

"You want to get home to her too, don't you? Ask her to marry you and all that happy bullshit? _Don't you_?"

Hiccup took in her blazing eyes and clenched fists, and even in his barely conscious state he knew enough to be afraid of a girl who was pissed off, especially at him. He nodded jerkily.

"Then you have to dig deep. If there's a shred of will left in you at all, any scrap of that Viking pride and strength you value- that _I_ value in you so much, you have to find it. You have to find it, and use it to haul yourself to your feet because that's the only way you're going to see the people you love again."

Hiccup began trembling as hundreds upon thousands of emotions rocked through him at once. He hadn't heard Astrid's name in so long, had almost forgotten what her face looked like, and to hear her name reverberating in the air with such finality and purpose filled him with something he didn't quite understand. However, he did know that the feeling was powerful and made him so frustrated with himself that something in him shifted and turned it to anger. It was hot and prickly, the flames of it licking his chest and hollow gut, temporarily filling it with fire and sending steam flaring up his throat. Growling, he forced his feet under him, and began to push himself upright.

"That's it Hiccup, come on!" Aelfgifu encouraged, "Dig deep, you can do it!"

Chest heaving and muscles screaming, Hiccup grunted and gave one last push until his legs were holding him up. They were shaking like crazy and his head was spinning badly, but he was on his feet. Aelfgifu was so happy that she kissed his cheek and laughed, before she caught herself and hauled herself onto the horse. Leaning down, she grabbed Hiccup by the hand and, with a great deal of effort, hauled him on behind her.

Suddenly, Egan's voice boomed out the alarm that Hiccup and Aelfgifu had escaped, and a whole kerfuffle began around the corner from them. Aelfgifu swore, told Hiccup to hold on, and clucked insistently at the mare. The horse snorted, and took off at a gallop.

Within a few moments of running, they heard the sound of other horses coming up behind them. Chancing a look over his shoulder, Hiccup saw that the horses were being ridden by a couple legionnaires and Egan himself, and all of them looked furious. Egan held a crossbow in one hand, and the legionnaires had swords. He gave a few orders that Hiccup didn't hear clearly, and he suddenly veered to the right and disappeared behind a group of buildings.

The legionnaires began to catch up to them and soon appeared along their flanks. Hiccup chanced a look at one of them, and nearly fainted with shock when he recognized Woreos. The other man had a snarl on his face, and Hiccup held onto Aelfgifu's waist a little tighter.

"I'll pay you back yet, little bastard!" Woreos called out over the sound of the hoof beats, "When I get my hands on you, your balls are going to decorate the end of my sword!"

"C'mon girl!" Aelfgifu cried out, nudging the horse with her heels. The mare responded, and with a burst of speed she began to pull away from the legionnaires.

And then out of nowhere, Egan appeared several yards in front of them from around a corner. Before they could react, he lifted his already loaded crossbow, took aim, and fired. Hiccup heard a sickening "thunk," a gasp, and saw Aelfgifu slump slightly. He looked down, and to his horror saw that the arrow had hit home, striking her lower left chest.

Shock clouded his senses, and for a minute Hiccup almost forgot to grip the horse with his legs and nearly fell off. And then he heard Egan crow in triumph, and a white hot fury began to build in his gut. He pulled his upper lip back over teeth, wrapped one arm around Aelfgifu's waist and grabbed a handful of the horse's mane with the other. With a defiant war cry, he urged the horse forward. The mare roared in turn and charged forward with all the power of boulder rolling downhill, her muscles churning and her hooves pounding with a deafening clatter. She seemed to channel Hiccup's anger and desperation and take it on as her own, because without a second's hesitation, she blew past Egan and his horse and kept going.

After some clever steering, Hiccup finally managed to lose the legionnaires, and once he did, he didn't bother to think. He let the adrenaline take over, and forced the mare on until they left the city and hit the countryside. And they kept going, tasting freedom for the first time in far too long, feeling the wind blow past their faces in way they hadn't known for a long time.

When nothing but glossy green moors and wildflowers stretched out in front of them, Hiccup finally felt safe enough to halt the mare. The sky was beginning to let go of the night and allow morning to come once again. Shaking terribly, he hopped off the horse, pulling Aelfgifu with him to the ground. Her body didn't react much to the fall, and a fresh blast of fear struck Hiccup in the chest.

Hiccup collapsed to his knees, propping Aelfgifu up so that he held her in his lap, her head resting in the crook of his arm. Her eyes had been closed before, but now they opened slowly, and when her eyes focused on Hiccup she smiled.

"Told you it was better for me to be in front," she said.

Hiccup shook his head vigorously. "Quiet, and hold still."

Before Aelfgifu could protest, he finagled his arms so that one held down her shoulder while the other yanked the arrow out at quickly and smoothly as it could. Luckily, it was just a simple dart; no arrowhead on the end, so it came out easily. But blood bubbled up as soon as the plug was pulled, and Hiccup managed to rip off one of sleeves and place it over the wound. Aelfgifu watched his hands for a moment before she flicked her eyes back up to his face, and slowly shook her head.

"Stop," she murmured gently.

"Quiet," Hiccup hissed, and pressed against the wound harder, "I will fix you."

"Stop."

"Aelfgifu"-

She shook her head again. She didn't need Hiccup to tell her the arrow had nicked her lung. She could tell by how hard it was to breathe suddenly, how her vision slid around without her consent, and how tears had started to shine in the young man's eyes. Aelfgifu reached up a hand slowly and tenderly stroked the side of his face.

"Stop," she repeated, softer this time, "Stop now. It's okay."

Hiccup shook his head violently, and pressed harder than ever on the endless flow of blood. "It is not! You are…you…" He choked on the rest of his words, unable to get them out.

Slowly, Aelfgifu removed her hand from his face and instead pried his hand off of her wound, choosing instead to hold the clammy, shaking fingers in her grasp. They were stained with her blood, but Hiccup squeezed them anyway.

"I've been having this dream off and on for the past few weeks," Aelfgifu told him. When Hiccup only raised his eyebrows, she continued.

"In the beginning of it, I'm surrounded by blackness, but I'm not afraid. It's warm, and I can hear someone's heartbeat. Or perhaps it's mine, I don't know, but it's comforting, and I know I'm not alone. Then, I see this speck of light appear in front of me, and I decide to head towards it. Eventually, I reach it and pass through it, and you'll never guess who I see on the other side."

"Who?" Hiccup asked.

Aelfgifu coughed a little, but resumed her smile when she recovered. Her teeth were stained red.

"You."

Hiccup's eyes widened. "Me?"

"Yes. When I see you, you look so…happy. You've been crying, but you're smiling. I try to tell you, 'There you are, it's been so long since I've seen you. Are we finally going to fly on a dragon now?' I don't think my words come out right, but it doesn't matter, because you laugh and I'm just too happy that I made you laugh. You stroke the side of my face, and I see something shiny on your finger, so I grab your hand so I can see it. It's a ring, a wedding band I think. There's a black gem on it with little blue specks that reflect the light. It's very pretty."

Hiccup couldn't breathe. The only thing his chest managed was little lurching wheezes. He tightened his grip on Aelfgifu's hand.

"And then the dream fades away," she finished. She turned her face into the crook of his arm.

He didn't know what to say to that. He felt as if he had stolen another body from someone and someone else was Hiccup right now while he viewed all of this from the sidelines. There was no script for him to follow as to what he was supposed to say to a person who was dying.

Eventually, all he could think of to say was, "That's beautiful."

Aelfgifu nodded and hummed an agreement.

The morning light began to brighten, the pinks and oranges of dawn shed for the brighter, warmer light of true day. It was then that Aelfgifu's face took on a very gray tinge and her breaths turned into sick rattles. Hiccup tried not to imagine her blood rattling around in her lungs.

"You know," she rasped, "I never had a brother, Hiccup. Just the one sister. I think I would have loved having an older brother."

Hiccup actually smiled and choked out a laugh. "I never had any siblings, but I think I would have liked to have a little sister. I think…I found out what it was like to have one for a while."

"Mmm." Aelfgifu closed her eyes and sighed.

Hiccup felt his chest tighten in panic. "Aelfgifu?"

"Yes?"

The tears began to run unchecked down his emaciated cheeks. "Astrid would have loved you."

Aelfgifu nodded. "I wish I could have met her."

"You would have made a great Viking."

"I know. And you'll make a great Prince. You'll be…the Prince of All Things, men and dragons…"

"The what?"

"Mmmm…tired…"

Hiccup sniffed and stroked her bangs away from her forehead. "Then sleep."

"Godnatt, Hiccup."

He bent down and kissed her forehead tenderly. "Godnatt."

The morning sun came up and burst into ecstatic liquid fire across Hiccup's back, warming him gently and engulfing into a piece of Vahalla. The mare, smelling his tears, whickered comfortingly and blew softly against his hair. Aelfgifu's chest rose, and fell, and rose, and fell…

And did not rise again.

The blood in Hiccup's ears roared and he bent over, holding her to his chest, allowing his grief to swallow him up.

 


	13. Bright As a God

Hiccup sniffed and wiped a few stray tears from his face while his mother and Astrid did the same. They sat in silence for a few moments as Hiccup tried to pull himself together, tightening his grip on Astrid's hand while Valka rubbed his shin encouragingly. Toothless purred and leaned his head forward, nudging Hiccup's toes gently. Hiccup drew a deep breath, and finally continued.

"I buried her after that, and then I found some wildflowers and put them on her grave. That was the first time in a long time I remember praying. I prayed for her safety, and that she would reach whatever gods she belonged to. And…and I prayed for her to guide me, to stay with me in some way, because I was scared and alone, and I didn't know what I supposed to do without her. The only thing I could think of to do was to head home, and the only direction I had to go off of was north, so that's where the mare and I headed."

Hiccup stopped speaking, his muscles tensed against Astrid's body, and he abruptly sat up and crawled out from underneath the furs.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Astrid asked after him.

But Hiccup was already hobbling up the stairs to his room. He stumbled and nearly smashed his face against a stair, but caught himself just in time. Toothless was quickly by his side, making concerned noises and letting Hiccup wrap an arm around his neck so that he could help him up the rest of the way.

Astrid and Valka shared a questioning look, before Astrid shrugged, and the two women went up the stairs after their boy.

When they reached the top, they saw that Hiccup was already sitting on the edge of the bed, his forehead leaning against Toothless', stroking across the dragon's eye ridge and down his jaw. Toothless could obviously smell his rider's distress, and was comforting him with all sorts of soft sounds Valka had only ever heard dragon mothers make around their young. Hiccup's back was shuddering with his uneven breaths, and when they got closer, they noticed that the back of his neck had flushed bright red.

Astrid went around to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, and to her surprise, he flinched. Astrid's eyebrows drew upward in concern and she sat down next to him, though her body didn't touch his as it normally would.

"Hiccup," Valka asked, coming to stand on Hiccup's other side, "Love, what's wrong?"

Hiccup lifted his face from Toothless' forehead and shook his head, refusing to meet their eyes.

"Are you hurting anywhere?" Astrid wondered, trying to get a look at his face. He averted his eyes and shook his head again. His mouth had thinned itself into a tense line.

"Mom…" he said quietly after a moment, "Could you take Toothless for a flight for me? He hasn't been on one in so long with me being…yeah. Please?"

Toothless warbled and tilted his head questioningly. Valka seemed surprised for a moment, before she understood. He wanted to be alone.

"Of course," she nodded, and patted her thigh, "Come Toothless."

The dragon crooned, his ears lowering sadly, before he gave Hiccup's face a tiny, parting lick, and followed Valka down the stairs.

Once they were out of sight, Hiccup added to Astrid, "You should go with them."

"Hmm," Astrid hummed thoughtfully, "So is this the part where you tell me about Selindra?"

Hiccup's eyes nearly popped out of his skull and he whipped his head around to face her with a harsh gasp. Astrid's face had melted into a sympathetic smile.

"H-How do you...?" Hiccup began, but Astrid shook her head.

"You've said her name in your sleep," Astrid explained, "Plus, I know you. The only thing I can think of you keeping from me, after everything you've told me so far, is another woman you met. So…I'm listening."

Hiccup bowed his head, a blush spreading vulnerably over his cheeks. Astrid brushed a hand across his cheek and kissed his temple, and was pleased when he didn't flinch away. Instead, the tears that had welled up spilled over, and she wiped them away quickly, but tenderly.

"I don't deserve you," he said in a pitifully small voice.

Astrid sighed, and turned his face towards her so that he was looking her in the eye. "No. You deserve far better than me."

His mouth opened to no doubt offer an indignant reply, so Astrid instead took the opportunity to kiss him. He tensed, eyes opening wide in surprise, before they closed instinctually and his mouth relaxed into the kiss. When Astrid pulled back, she wiped away more of his tears, shushing him gently. Hiccup let loose an explosive, shuddering sigh, and lay down on the bed, Astrid following him and entwining their fingers together. She rested their joined hands on his stomach, enjoying the fact that she could feel it rising and falling as he breathed.

"The mare took me to a forest a few days after Aelfgifu died," Hiccup began, "At that point I was more dead than alive. I must have passed out at some point, because after seeing trees around me, the next thing I remembered was waking up in a house, in a bed, with this woman leaning over me…"

000

His vision was terribly fuzzy and his eyelids felt like they weighed as much as great stones, but after a while, Hiccup managed to discern that he was in a tiny house and no longer wandering around on the mare's back in a death-like daze. He was covered warmly in thread blankets and fur pelts. The whole place was tiny, with a fireplace squished into the corner of the room, right next to a table that was only a foot away from the bed Hiccup was lying in. On the stone hearth sat a bowl of water and various pretty stones that would have captivated Hiccup's attention, except for the fact that there was a woman leaning over him, wiping his face with a warm, wet cloth.

"Wh-Who ar"- Hiccup began, before he dissolved into a fit of coughing. His throat was so dry that it wouldn't tolerate him producing words.

The woman quickly produced a cup of water that she tipped to Hiccup's lips. The young Viking guzzled it down gratefully, eyes slipping closed in bliss. Once the cup was empty, he sighed in relief. He blinked several times, before the woman finally answered him.

"Don't worry about that now," she said, running the cloth down over his temple, wiping back his filthy hair, "I've prepared something for you to eat."

She got up and filled a bowl full of something that had been cooking over the fireplace, and then returned swiftly to his bedside once more.

"Where's my horse?" Hiccup asked, "How long have I been here?"

"Out back, grazing," she answered with a smile, "and a few days. Eat before you get any thinner."

Hiccup did so, sucking down the meal like it was the water of life. By the time he was finished, he was so sleepy he could barely keep his eyes open. The woman smiled wider.

"Shh…" she murmured, "Rest. You're safe, don't worry."

Hiccup's eyelids fell shut, though his lips kept forming questions even as it too began to go to sleep.

"How is it you speak Norse? I…where'sss Astrid…"

The light of consciousness flickered off, and the woman moved away from him and toward the bowl. She picked it up, glanced back at Hiccup's sleeping form, and then back toward the bowl. She rubbed her flattened hand over the surface as if she were examining some fine silk.

"Show me Astrid," she whispered to the water.

The surface rippled, and the determined face of a divine beauty flying on the back of a dragon with a fleet of ships below her appeared on the surface. The woman gasped and placed a hand over her heart, stumbling back a step. After a moment, she recovered and traced Astrid's cheek in the bowl, at a loss for words.

000

When Hiccup awoke the next evening, the woman finally had a name to produce for him.

"Selindra," she stated, feeling along his broken rib to check the status of it, "You can call me Selindra. I haven't used that name yet."

Hiccup wanted to ask what that meant, but a certain cloying, smoky feeling that filled his chest at her touch suddenly made him feel that this information wasn't important. He hadn't been aware of his state of undress until he sat up so that Selindra could examine him and the blankets pooled around his waist. His pants remained on, but that was his only saving grace at the moment.

"I'm Hiccup," he told her. He winced when she poked his rib too hard.

Selindra nodded. "Well Hiccup, your ribs are doing better. They're not perfect, but with proper food and rest, they should be fine in no time. They've come a long way from where they were."

For the first time since he arrived, Hiccup got a good look at her without feeling too obvious. She was rather pretty, but the lines on her face and the grey streaks in her dark hair spoke of her age. Overall, she was rather unassuming and could be easily missed in a crowd, but when she laid her hands on Hiccup, a powerful, tingling warmth he couldn't describe and didn't understand flushed heavily through his veins. It was invasive and something he didn't expect it, but his body accepted it nonetheless as something good and…needed?

"I've met a lot of people," Selindra explained, "A few of them Northmen. They taught me their language. Heh, I've learned so many languages I forget what mine was."

She patted his shoulder, and the overwhelming tingles came back. Hiccup bowed his head and took a deep breath. Selindra watched his ribs push against the confines of his skin and collapse back into place as if she were watching a god breathe in front of her. The many candles in the darkened room were casting a warm pallet of colors on everything, and they made the hard-angled young man look softer, more vulnerable.

"You know, I can tell a lot about a person just by touching them," Selindra said as she began to run her hands methodically over his neck. "For example, you've been through some hard times recently."

"Are you psychic?" Hiccup wondered, his eyes suddenly as round as the moon.

Selindra laughed, "No, I can tell because your muscles are as hard as granite."

"Oh."

Her thumbs dug hard into the raised ridges of muscle on either side of Hiccup's spine, and his head fell back limply against his will with a groan that morphed into a whimper of pleasure. He could actually feel his toes curling with how good that felt. Selindra laughed lowly in amusement.

"There's a lot of stress put on your neck," she explained, "Your head weighs about eight pounds, you know. That's a lot of weight for it to hold up all day. Yours especially I'd assume because you're so smart, so your head must be extra big."

"Mhmm," Hiccup agreed, soothed stupid by all the endorphins rushing through his veins at Selindra's touch.

It was quiet for a minute, a minute the woman used to move down to Hiccup's shoulders, coaxing them to loosen like she was born to do it. Hiccup hissed in pain, and then melted. And then Selindra spoke again.

"I really can see things others don't. It's…difficult to explain. I get in tune with your energy, use myself as a vessel, and then the gods and spirits show me things about you. They don't always make sense, but they are always right in the long run. Like now, I'm seeing a flower in your space. It's small and looks like a daisy…an aster perhaps? Does that mean anything to you?"

"Not really…I'm not really one for flowers. I'm mean, they're pretty, but-mmph! Ow, yeah that's a sore spot."

She was moving down the sides of his spinal column now, allured by the way his skin dipped at when she pressed her fingers into it and his muscles shifted noticeably. His skin was warm and golden in color.

"Hmm," Selindra hummed, "Well, there's a weapon now that's joined the flower…a broad-axe."

She heard Hiccup suck in his breath and go completely still before he muttered, "Yeah, that one rings a bell."

And then Selindra understood. Not aster. _Astrid_.

"Because it reminds you of a woman," she said, "Your lover."

"How did you...?"

"I told you. I see many things, and am shown many things. The gods, for some reason, chose to show me your lover."

Hiccup's breathing began to quicken. "Did they show you anything else?"

Selindra shook her head, though he couldn't see it. "No. But I could feel her love for you. It took the breath out of my lungs, you know. I couldn't believe it."

"I…wow…"

"You shouldn't sound so surprised; I can feel that same love in your space and…it makes me sad."

Hiccup turned around to face her, breaking contact with her hands. The flames of the candles were flickering in his eyes. But when he didn't offer her anything but a look of question, Selindra continued.

"It's sad because I can hear the gods whispering 'eternity' to me when I'm in your space," she said as she touched his shoulder cautiously, "And I like to think this means you want to be with her forever."

"Yes." Hiccup said after a swallow, and his voice came out thick. There was something warm and mellowing about Selindra's touch, like she was forcing hot honey into his veins.

"But you're also afraid that 'eternity' might mean that you'll never see her again."

"…Yes."

Selindra tightened her jaw and her brows drew upward in sympathy. He sounded so helpless when he said that. Her hand began to run up his neck, stopping so that she could cup it and stroke his jaw with her thumb.

"Hiccup," she said softly, "I can not only see things, I can _show_ things to people. I can show you Astrid, if you'd like. Do you want to see her?"

Hardly daring to believe her, Hiccup nodded, and before he knew it, Selindra's hand was holding the side of his face. He closed his eyes against the sudden rush of blood and tingling warmth that echoed there, and when he opened them, Selindra wasn't the one looking back at him. Instead, it was Astrid, wearing Selindra's dress with her hair bound in the same fashion. As Selindra smiled shyly, she did as well, and it was the most beautiful thing Hiccup had ever seen. He began to tremble in earnest, heart beating in his throat. He made a made a small noise of elation, and reached up to touch her face. His fingers came in contact with warm skin and dimples in the places he remembered them.

"You see her," Selindra observed, though Astrid's voice was the one he heard, "And you love her."

Hiccup nodded, his throat too swollen to speak.

Suddenly, Selindra allowed her hand to glide down his throat to his chest, to his taut, too thin belly. She traced a sharp hipbone peaking over his waistband.

"Do you want her?"

Hiccup didn't answer, couldn't answer, because he saw and heard Astrid but knew it was Selindra. He knew she wasn't really there, but that was the healthy, golden part of his mind that had managed to preserve itself these past few months. The majority of his mind was black and grey with pain and fear. But this touch was so gentle, so _reverent_ and so like how Astrid touched him, like she was touching something to be worshipped at an altar. In contrast to the touches that made him feel like he wasn't worth anyone's care, a thing to be played with when men were bored and discarded when he had worn out his welcome.

Selindra closed her eyes and brushed her lips over his jaw, moving them down his neck. She didn't kiss him; she just enjoyed his warmth and the feeling of his skin under her lips. Hiccup didn't move, but let out a confused noise. She moved back up to brush her nose against his jaw again, feeling his stubble tickle it pleasantly. She leaned back, and brushed the back of her fingers over his face, removing the straps of her dress in the process until the top of it slid down to stop below her breasts. Selindra slowly ran her fingers over his lips, brushing over his bottom one until his mouth dropped open automatically. His eyes were still closed.

"Hiccup," she whispered, "Look at me."

When he opened his eyes, they were glazed and unfocused, and Selindra knew he was seeing his Astrid, half naked and gleaming in the candle light. Yet, a battle she couldn't see was being fought behind his unfocused eyes. But she could discern what was happening well enough.

She was Astrid, and he was so lonely and hurting so badly, that he just wanted her to take away the pain so gently and completely until all the memories in his mind and body were washed away. She wasn't Astrid and he was just seeing something cruel. The higher creature in him was saying this was wrong, but the lower animal in him just wanted to pain to _stop_ and wanted his Astrid…

…and was genuinely afraid he'd never see her again.

While his brain was fighting itself, Selindra had untied his pants and lowered the waistband until what she was searching for was bared to the air, already half erect. She ran her fingers down his belly, following the enticing trail of hair that eventually led to the coarse curls guarding his sex. Hiccup's pulse began to flutter noticeably like a trapped bird in his neck, and Selindra kissed it.

"Hiccup," she whispered, taking him in hand and kissing slowly up his neck, "Hiccup…"

His eyes closed, and his mouth opened to accommodate his rapidly quickening breaths. His brows drew together in confusion and his throat produced a whimper that he wasn't sure was a plea to stop or a plea to keep going.

Selindra shushed him, leaning her forehead against his shoulder, and looked down to watch her fingers wrap around his length, before she began to move her hand up and down. His belly shuddered, a sigh passing his lips as he began to spread his legs for her, body wanting more even though his mind hadn't processed it yet. Selindra pulled back the sheath, licked her forefinger, middle finger and thumb to wet them, before she swirled her thumb around the bared, vulnerable head and squeezed it lightly. Hiccup actually cried out at that, before he dissolved into helpless whimpers. Encouraged, Selindra moved her thumb down further, finding the small slit at the very tip and focusing for a moment on the tiny hole inside, rubbing and stretching it ever so slightly. Hiccup curled his neck until his chin was touching his chest and gripped her beneath her arms, the burn created by her touch heavy and hot and extremely pleasing in its pain.

"I'll teach you how to please her," Selindra said, stroking him in earnest now with one hand and thumbing his waistband down further over his hips with the other, "And in the process, you can learn what pleases you."

Hiccup's only response was a deep gasp, before he convulsively jerked his hips into her hand and buried his face into her shoulder.

"Please Hiccup," Selindra whispered. Upon glancing down, she noticed a clear bead had developed on the tip of his length, and she smirked. His body had already made up its mind, and using that knowledge, she murmured fervently into his ear, "Please me. Touch me…babe."

Hiccup lifted his head suddenly, face flushed, hair askew, panting and forehead already damp, and pulled Selindra's face to his in a desperate kiss. After a few moments, when he pulled back to look her in the eyes, she saw that his own were glimmering with tears. But whether tears of happiness or despair, she didn't know.

" _Astrid_ ," he begged, kissing her again and jerking his hips in earnest, "Astrid, please, _please_ "-

Nothing else coherent escaped him that evening except broken versions of his beloved's name, fooling himself into believing that she was the one who was driving his pain away for the first time in a small eternity.

000

It continued like this for almost a month. Every day, Selindra would allow Hiccup to bathe in warm, sweet-smelling water for as long as he desired, sleep as often and as deeply as his body craved, and in the evenings, she would feed him a dinner so thick and rich he would be soothed into a state of drowsy contentment where it felt like wine was flowing through his veins. It was intoxicating and ethereal, and it was like the both of them had entered a dream that neither had to will to break out of.

Selindra found that she was happier than she had been in a long time and derived a simple joy from just watching Hiccup. For instance, when he grew drowsy, she drew pleasure from watching him trying to stay awake when his body had already made up its mind that it was going to sleep. In no time, he would slowly collapse onto the mattress, half covered in blankets. Selindra would just watch his diaphragm expand and contract with his deep breaths, his limbs twitch, and let his snores break up the quiet of the room. He looked so young when he slept, especially when his bangs fell away from his forehead and caressed the pillow carelessly and sleepy flush found its way across his cheeks.

When he wasn't asleep, they…well, Selindra tried to convince herself she was helping him, showing him Astrid in her place and offering her warm body as an escape from his pain. She told herself she wanted to bring him all the pleasure she could in the wake of his suffering, that he deserved it. As long as she wore the face of his beloved and spoke in her voice, Selindra found that it was no trouble getting Hiccup to roll belly up and spread his legs for her for whatever she had in mind. Everything she was doing she was doing for _him._ But that was a load and she knew it. She didn't love men; she just loved their dicks and their mouths. That was all they were good for.

Until she met Hiccup. This boy…

Even now, while a light rain was pattering outside, inside Hiccup was sitting on his knees on her bed, crushing her to his body in the most carnal of embraces. She was facing him and he was buried deep inside the hot, tight wetness of her, body coated in a sheen of sweat and moaning like a whore over her shoulder, alternately thrusting and grinding his hips into hers. Selindra rode the waves of his thrusts with him, legs wrapped around his waist, watching him toss his lovely, dark head.

Their relationship was the most primal of basic interactions. They brought pleasure to each other and had seen each other at their most vulnerable, and therefore had formed a kind of bond. But Hiccup's actions toward her went far above that relationship. The way he made love to her, even and perhaps especially because he allowed himself to believe she was Astrid, he was so _tender_ about it, so _sensual_. He was even more worried about her pleasure than his own; she wasn't just a warm body to fuck soullessly; when she wore Astrid's face, she was his _everything_.

What _was_ he?

He slowed down suddenly, easing up on his thrusts and instead just allowing himself to grind and undulate his hips softly against her, allowing her to just _feel_ the full heaviness of him inside her. Her hands slid to his rear, squeezing and feeling the muscles beneath her touch flex. His moans likewise changed in pitch and length as she kneaded her palms into his flesh. This was beautiful and maddening in one motion, slowing down after going hard to draw out her climax and make her crazy with want.

She pulled herself off of him and drew him into a deep kiss. He seemed confused at first, but quickly settled into it when she began to push him towards the place where her bed met the wall. When she broke away, she gently urged him to lie down on his side and then joined him, back flush against his front. Selindra opened her legs and reached for his length, trying to put him back into place. When Hiccup realized what she was trying to do, he pushed himself into her once again, grasped her thigh gently to hold it up, and brought her face back to his to kiss her again.

When he began to pound into her again, it was in earnest this time, his entire body working to drive cries of pleasure from her. And when she chanced to break their kiss and look into his face, his eyes were warm and practically sparkling, like he would never find a greater reward ever again than her happiness over how he was making her feel.

Selindra never cried, during sex or anything else. But that look Hiccup was giving her right now made tears prickle in her eyes and made her utter his name in a way that was utterly vulnerable and it sounded like…

…oh gods, like she was falling in _love_ with him…

Hiccup's breathing had become desperate and his moans high pitched, and after…one, two, three, more thrusts, he was screaming Astrid's name into her neck, holding her tightly and shaking hard in the wake of his release.

And at the reminder of who he thought he was making love to, Selindra let her tears fall for the first time in twenty three years **.**

 


	14. Lost in Paradise

Selindra didn't see it, laying as she was behind him with her naked, post-sex body firmly asleep, but Hiccup's eyes had begun to shine with tears.

He stretched his arms toward the flickering flames of the fire, the only light in the house, as if he was yearning for an answer to leap from their depths. He just wanted to know what on Earth was wrong with him. Hiccup's body felt sore, particularly his lower regions, and it had all been his fault.

Once again, Selindra had approached him with Astrid's face that evening, but for some reason, Hiccup had demanded that she make love to him as herself. No tricks, no filters, just reality. She had hesitated, but the excited grin on her face that had resulted led Hiccup to finally conclude what he had suspected all along.

This wasn't just a series of moments of joyous abandon for her; it was much more. Good gods, she had actual _feelings_ for him. And he was going to exploit them. Soft, naïve thoughts that used to whisper to him in a child's voice that the abuse and the rape wasn't his fault morphed into something much more twisted. Now, a demon with the disgusting breath of Hel herself raged at him that he was weak, he should have stopped it, he should have grown a pair for something other than the amusement of unfaithful soldiers and…

…he deserved punishment. And if no one else was going to punish him for being unfaithful to Astrid, he would punish himself.

First, he would look at the symbol of his infidelity in the face. Hiccup had looked Selindra up and down, taking in her dark hair with its grey streaks and her olive skin (so different from Astrid's blond hair and light skin), and nodded resolutely. He had pulled down his pants, threw them aside, and laid down on his back on the bed, legs up and spread, and had glared determined steel at Selindra even as his lower lip trembled. Her eyebrows had quirked upward uncertainly, but she had obliged nonetheless, climbing on top of him.

Hiccup had tortured himself exquisitely, allowing Selindra to bring him to orgasm after orgasm after orgasm after _orgasm_ , not allowing himself his body's essential recovery time before he was growling at her to touch him again. Confused, but willing, she did as he told her to, but not before Hiccup caught her worried expression. Besides not wanting her to use Astrid's face and not allowing himself to come down from the highs of climax, he also didn't allow himself to make any noise. This was quite purposeful on Hiccup's part though. In his mind, he figured that crying out during the rape had been some kind of consent, and if he could make it through such intense stimulation without making any noise, perhaps he could prove to himself that he wasn't as weak as he thought. Angry that he wasn't succeeding at first, he therefore didn't allow himself to come down after his high before he "practiced" again.

Hiccup, even as Selindra tried every technique in her vast arsenal to make him produce those lovely moans she had come to adore, nearly bit through his lower lip in his attempts at keeping silent. He tightened his rib cage defiantly, fisting his hands in the sheets and stiffened every nerve against the ecstasy racing like liquid fire through his system. He told himself over and over that he didn't deserve pleasure, and the closest he would ever achieve from here on out would be pain-like pleasure. All of his sexual encounters had involved pain in some form, whether it was the hot, fiery pain of physical tearing or the shredding pain of the heart. Pleasure wasn't pure anymore. He was naïve to ever think it could be.

Selindra was beginning to grow frustrated, and he didn't blame her when she buried two warm, wet fingers in his rear in a last effort. Worst still, even though he remembered all the times something had forced itself up his rear, Hiccup didn't pull away. In fact, he bore down on it, feeling tears sting his eyes. His throat began to spasm and work, swallowing cries and forcing them into his aching gut.

Then her fingers found a tiny bump unnoticed by Hiccup in all of his previous encounters, and his eyes snapped open. A tight groan squeaked out, even as he gritted his teeth hard enough to break them. Selindra grinned from between his legs, and flicked her fingers against the spot. She teased and abused the little bump, sending hot, heavy flushes throughout Hiccup's lower belly and up his thighs. It was incredible; she had found a spot inside of him that stimulated his outsides, and…oh _gods!_ His thighs were quivering pathetically, belly rising and falling rapidly, sweat beading on his temple and rolling down to drip off his jaw. He felt his vocal chords would burst with the strain he was putting on them to keep silent.

A hot, wet mouth suddenly encircled his length to work simultaneously with the fingers, and Hiccup's will of steel was punctured and destroyed. He tipped his head back and _screamed_ , lips drawn over his teeth in a tight grimace. The sublime perfection of the pleasure Selindra was giving him was overloading his body, blocking out every conscious system and drowning his nerves in an overwhelming combination of heaven and hell. He didn't, couldn't last long, and felt his climax draw itself from his deepest core and force itself free from him.

"Hiccup," Selindra gasped suddenly, "You're bleeding! I'm sorry, it's my fault, I"-

"No," Hiccup whispered in a raspy, trembling voice, "It's mine. It's good…that I'm bleeding…"

But his voice trailed off, so Selindra didn't hear the end of his sentence.

So here he was, listening to the fire snap at him like a whip, feeling Selindra's warm body press against his, and unable to move because his muscles felt like liquid and everything else felt numb. No matter how much his soul gravitated towards the fire, the flames still refused to divulge the answers he was searching for.

_Don't bother_ , the demon in his soul snarled, _Don't bother to search for answers that aren't there. Accept the simple fact that you'll never see home again._

I already have, Hiccup replied.

_Accept the fact that you only deserve pain._

I already have.

_Accept that you'll never see-_

Shut up. Just…don't say her name.

_Who's name?_

Who cares. It hurts too much to think about.

The tears spilled over at last, the only movement in an otherwise still body that only breathed, grieved, and longed with all its tortured heart for something that was too far away for even his thoughts to touch anymore.

000

The next day, and several days after that, Hiccup didn't get out of bed. His appetite seemed to disappear overnight to the point where he only occasionally nibbled on a few wafers. His stump was aching as well, sometimes sending harsh flushes of heated pain rolling up his thigh and into his back. All Hiccup could do was tuck it under him in an effort to keep it warm, but that didn't even take the edge off. The only cure seemed to be sleep, and it was the sole thing he found he had the energy to do.

Besides, when he slept he could dream. When he slept, he could pretend his fears didn't exist and his pain was just a figment. In his dreams, all that was present was soft light, happy faces, and the sound of pounding waves mixed with wing-beats and flaxen hair tickling his nose.

This became the only place where she was real, where Hiccup could see her. It made being awake an agony he couldn't bear because it was a world where she didn't exist.

After Selindra got out of bed the morning after their harsh sexual session, she had taken one look at Hiccup's sullen back, and had started to spill apologies. But he seemed barely conscious of her presence. She tried speaking to him at first, but soon gave up when all she got in response was silence.

She finally resorted to just keeping watch over Hiccup while he slept. The boy was fascinating even in his quiet respite, eyes flickering under their lids, lips moving while he produced little squeaks and murmurs, limbs even twitching sometimes. Sometimes his lips would even quirk up into a smile so utterly content and childish in its beautiful simplicity that Selindra felt tears prick her eyes even though she didn't know why.

It was only after one occasion of cooking lunch for herself that she understood.

As her knife paused in its cutting, she heard Hiccup moan something in a voice that made him sound like a child in the woods that had given up any hope of finding his way home.

"Lost…" he whispered.

Selindra stopped to watch him, turning her head over her shoulder. Hiccup sighed, and his brows quirked upward spasmodically, head turning into his pillow as if he were searching for something. He stretched his arms forward in a gesture of yearning, and shuddered.

"Lost," he repeated, much more sleepily this time, "Toothless? I wanna go home…take me home, bud."

Tears suddenly shone on his eyelashes, he drew his knees feebly up towards his chest. "Don't leave! I can't see well, don't leave me! Don't…" He sighed again.

His breaths evened out after that, his body plunging him mercifully into deeper sleep. Selindra leaned against her counter for several minutes after that, her legs shaking and her insides numbing painfully.

She had taken in a wounded creature of the north and nursed him back to physical health, but had perpetuated his emotional sickness and used it for her own gain, and now she was seeing the results. Hiccup would never love her. He barely loved himself anymore.

But _she_ loved _him_. And that was more than enough motivation to make a decision she should have made a long time ago.

000

"Hiccup," Selindra said that evening as she sat down on the bed next to him.

Feeling her weight dip the mattress, Hiccup, who was facing away from her, opened his eyes and rolled them up to regard her. Selindra barely kept from flinching. His face looked so lined and worn, dark smudges under his eyes a contrast with his pale skin. All that sleep, and he still looked the definition of exhausted.

It only strengthened her gumption to do the right thing.

"Hiccup, you need to go home," she said firmly.

There were a few beats of tense silence, before Hiccup rolled his eyes away so that they faced the wall in front of him and closed.

"What home?" he said in a voice that cracked from disuse.

Selindra recoiled in angry surprise. "What ho-your ice castle up north, Viking, you know what home. Anyone with eyes can see you're miserable here, so I'm saying you need to go home _._ "

Hiccup didn't reply. He just curled in on himself further, physically shutting her out. Selindra growled quietly when she sensed in him the decay of a will that had died when another life ended not too long ago. She grew angrier when she felt the spirit of the girl misting through Hiccup's space, deeply sad and angry that he was giving up yet again, and frustrated that she was unable to do anything about it this time. So, Selindra channeled her righteous anger into cold logic.

"Listen, I'm not going to argue with you," she hissed, long and low, "I'll just tell you this. I've been living this way since long before you were born. I thought love and sex were one and the same, until I looked into that bowl of water and saw your girl. Love isn't sex; it's as far above it as the heavens are above a worm. No one has been able to get through my head, no matter how many times I've changed identities, partners, and locations."

Hiccup's brows tightened and his lips pressed into a thin line. His eyes opened a crack, the only indication that he was listening.

"I was so naive. I thought if I loved you more than her, if I kept you warm and fed and happy you would want to stay. But it didn't matter, because the point was I was keeping you. You and her…damn it boy, I don't care what you have to do to get back to her, even if you have beg, steal, or murder, but you damn well better do it. For her, you're the moon and stars, and if her moon and stars disappear, she's not ever going to be able to orient herself in the world again."

Hiccup swallowed heavily, his eyes reddening and shining with suppressed tears. Selindra gentled her face into a concerned frown, running the back of her hand down the side of his face. Hiccup closed his eyes at the contact.

"Please Hiccup," she finished, "Don't let Astrid turn into something like me, an animal who had her moon and stars ripped away from her. Please…"

Hiccup sat up slowly, bowing his head, before lifting it to face Selindra. He blinked harshly for a moment, allowing a few stray tears to slide down his face. She gently wiped them away. After a few silent moments, Hiccup nodded, and a slow smile began to spread across his face.

Selindra smiled back. "I know some people at the docks. I can take you there and find you a boat that will take you home. It's the least I can do."

Hiccup made a small noise of elation, and lunged forward to wrap his arms around her. Stunned, Selindra slowly hugged him back, feeling his whole body thrumming with long-missed happiness and hope.

"Thank you," he whispered over her shoulder, "Thank you, thank you"-

"Yes, yes, it's no problem," Selindra said laughingly, pulling back away from him. She was pleased to notice that the candles were reflecting their flickering light in his eyes once more, burnishing the green irises with gold and orange.

"I don't think you're an animal, Selindra," Hiccup told her slowly.

Selindra merely stared at him, surprised.

"Animals do not love. You do. And more importantly, you see the love of others and are willing to do anything to protect it. I think you are closer to Valhalla than anything else."

Selindra couldn't have stopped the tears rising to her eyes if she tried.

"You're something special and rare, you know that?" she said in a voice full of emotion, "A pearl to be found among the mire. A phoenix to rise from its ashes and burn all the vultures. Don't ever forget that, Hiccup."

Hiccup blushed at her praise, but when her hand came up to cup the side of his face, he leaned into it.

Suddenly, the fragile quiet was shattered by the sound of the door being smashed open and the pounding footsteps of several legionnaire soldiers. Said soldiers filled the tiny house to almost immediately, backing Selindra and Hiccup into the corner where the bed lay. Selindra rose to her feet, standing in front of Hiccup, who peered angrily at the soldiers from behind her.

"If you don't want us to break anything else besides your door," a painfully familiar voice grated, "You will hand over your pleasure toy. He's caused quite a bit of trouble in town."

Hiccup almost threw up in his mouth and all the color drained from his face. The speaker had been Woreos, returning like some tireless, vengeful demon.

"Easy," said another voice, "If there's one thing I know about Cara, it's that she holds no genuine affection for men."

And that voice had been Egan. Oh gods, it was a living nightmare Hel herself had devised and vomited up into the real world.

"I'm Selindra now," Selindra spat, "And Selindra I'll remain until death. I'm not the same woman I was at your brothel, Egan. Hiccup was smart to run away from you and so was I. That girl whose life you ended would have died by your hand eventually because you would have never been able to break her. Her spirit is here you know. She's still protecting the boy."

"Quiet, whore," Egan snarled, "I don't want to hear tales of how you've suddenly been shown the light by a slave. It won't help you now. Last chance. Hand him over."

"No!"

Egan sniffed and nodded towards Woreos, before he growled, "Then I'll do the world a favor."

Quick as a flash, Woreos withdrew a dagger and threw it into Selindra's throat. Hiccup shrieked and caught her, lowering her to the bed as she began to slump. Her eyes flickered over to meet his, and she gasped out a strangled version of his name, before the light vanished from her eyes and she was gone. Hiccup shook his head rapidly and made a high, keening noise in the back of his throat, holding her head to his chest and leaning over her.

"Take him," Egan ordered the legionnaires, and they began to move forward, swords raised.

At the sound of their approaching footsteps, something that had been long drawn tight in Hiccup finally snapped. A heat began in his gut and burned slowly and deliciously up his throat to ignite in his teeth. He lifted his head to gaze at the soldiers, and the fire flickered in his eyes, made brighter by the candles that reflected there. His pupils narrowed and sharpened into two, tiny black pits of fury. His teeth were bared in the same fashion as the giant, northern wolf, and his breaths were growing heavier and heavier as red clouded his vision and blotted out all thoughts except for one.

Kill.

"You killed her," Hiccup growled, dropping Selindra's head. He shifted his shoulders in the manner of a panther before it pounces. "Aelfgifu… _you killed her!_ "

"She was a worthless barbarian slut," Egan spat, "Like you."

And then he grinned savagely. "And like your syphilis-ridden slut at home."

Hiccup went perfectly still, before he _roared_ , his whole neck tensing with the sound, yanked the dagger out of Selindra's neck, and leapt at the nearest legionnaire. The soldier barely had time to perceive Hiccup was on him before he was stabbed in both eyes and through the bridge of his nose, and left to bleed on the floor.

Hiccup managed to down another two soldiers, before Woreos managed to grapple him from behind, wrenching the dagger from his hands and twisting the Viking's arm up behind his back. But the pain didn't do its job to warn Hiccup that his body was in danger; it only made him angrier.

"I finally get to return the favor you dealt me," Woreos hissed in Hiccup's ear, "Only I think you're going to lose both of your balls."

He grazed Hiccup's dagger over the young Viking's crotch, and Hiccup knew that in the next second he would probably plunge it in. With a screech like an alley cat's Hiccup wriggled free and swung around, wrangling Woreos to the floor. The man had no chance to fight back before Hiccup rammed the point of his elbow into the man's windpipe, effectively crushing it. However, Woreos still gasped feebly for breath, so with an enraged growl, Hiccup flipped around so that he was above the man's head, and rammed his knee into Woreos' skull. With a satisfying crunch, the man stopped his twitching and went limp. Hiccup pulled back his knee and stood, admiring the knee-shaped indent in the man's head before turning his attention back to Egan and the few remaining legionnaires.

For a moment, he and Egan paced around each other, each itching to tear out the other's throat. Egan raced forward first, trying to grab Hiccup's shoulders. Hiccup ducked and sprang up when he was close enough, knocking the top of his head against Egan's chin. This caused a whiplash effect in his opponent, and Egan reeled back. Using his moment of weakness, Hiccup quickly kicked at a legionnaire's chest and disarmed him from his crossbow in one motion, before he took aim at Egan's eye. Without hesitating, he fired, and the dart hit home, vibrating up and down in the man's skull. Hiccup's upper lip curled over his teeth in a savage grin as he watched the life leave his enemy, allowing the crossbow to drop to the floor from his shaking fingers.

The remaining few legionnaires leaped onto Hiccup, effectively pinning him to the ground. But the red rage had melted away from Hiccup's brain, clearing his sight and draining his veins of their adrenaline. He let them manhandle him until they had secured his wrists behind his back and hauled him to his feet. But Hiccup didn't fight back. The sight of the dead bodies of his enemies had doused the fire in his soul with a cold finality.

They argued back and forth about whether or not they should kill him right here, but another proposed taking him to a high security prison off the coast of Briton. It would be a shame to kill such a fierce beauty, and the guards always welcomed a new face "if you know what I mean."

But Hiccup didn't care anymore. The dragon soul was dead and the phoenix was nothing but a pile of bones beneath the ashes, but this time there was no hope of it rising again.

 


	15. Matching a Dragon's Fire

"I don't remember much after that," Hiccup said morosely, "and most of what I do remember probably didn't happen. My mind was pretty much mush by then, so I saw a lot of things that weren't there and didn't see a lot of things that were there. If…if any of the guards forced themselves on me, all I can recall is a nightmare kind of perception about it now. I know I did see you, but sometimes I thought it was Selindra pretending to be you. I saw Toothless too, and my dad…I couldn't figure out why you all wouldn't free me, or why you wouldn't stay. Although I think I knew you weren't real to a certain extent, but still. When you were there, even if it was just in my head, it was nice. You talked to me and kept me company."

"What did you talk to me about?" Astrid asked somewhat morbidly.

Hiccup shrugged. "I don't really remember specifics, but I know Aelfgifu popped up sometimes. I must have told you about her and how I wished you could have met her. Mostly I remember begging you to stay when you told me you had to go. I...I don't think I'll ever be able to be alone in the dark again."

Astrid wrapped a leg around his. "Hey. You don't have to worry about that ever again, I promise."

She felt him smile against the top of her head, before he finished, "And then like a dream, you showed up and told me you were taking me home. I thought that I had gone completely mad at last. But then…you touched me, and that's when I knew it was over. You were real, and you were taking me home, and I was just so relieved. So there you have it."

"There we have it," Astrid echoed.

They fell silent. Hiccup was completely drained. The story was out and had ripped a gash on its journey from his soul to be slowly absorbed by Astrid. While she did this, she sat up halfway and looked down, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. Hiccup chanced a look at her, only for her to punch him in the bicep a moment later. He yipped and grabbed the area defensively, rubbing it.

"That's for cheating on me," Astrid growled.

Before Hiccup could respond with helpless apologies, she had crawled on halfway on top of him, pressed their chests together, and was kissing him deeply.

Hiccup tensed at first, before his eyes shut when she felt her hands running down the sides of his neck. With a happy sigh, he melted into the mattress, running his hands up and down her back.

If Hiccup had known it, Astrid thought he was perfect for one simple reason: he wasn't like the other Vikings. He didn't try to chain the dragon. He learned to match its fire.

Astrid pulled away after a few moments, her red face only matched by Hiccup's. He followed her lips when she pulled away from him, and when he opened his eyes, they were full of such a dizzy, delighted rapture that Astrid felt compelled to kiss him again. It was just a peck, but it still left her lips tingling. His chest was lifting her as it rose and fell rapidly, warm and firm underneath hers.

"So what was the kiss for?" Hiccup asked breathily. Astrid rolled her eyes the motion causing the sudden tears welling in her eyes to spill over. He gasped and reached up to stroke her cheeks, thumbing the tears away.

"It means," she huffed in annoyance, "that I came so close to losing you, and I'll never be able to thank the gods enough that I found you before- if we had come just a few days later…"

"But you didn't," Hiccup said firmly, "You didn't."

Astrid sniffed and rubbed at her eyes angrily. "I didn't."

She laid her head down on his chest, automatically seeking out his heart beat and letting it soothe her nerves. It was regular and firm, stubbornly pumping hot blood and swelling with love for her. Astrid wrapped her arms around his chest in a loose embrace, and Hiccup played with the hair against her neck.

"So what now?" Hiccup asked the ceiling.

Astrid nuzzled his chest and cuddled closer. Hiccup proceeded to melt into a contented puddle of tingles from the action.

"You keep healing," she mumbled, words obstructed from how her cheek was mushed against his chest, "And once you do that…perhaps we can revisit the possibility of us getting married?"

Hiccup barely suppressed a completely embarrassing wiggle of happiness that would have had him resembling Toothless when presented with a new toy. "Yeah. I think that would be a great idea."

He stretched his neck up and kissed the top of her head, and then let his head fall back onto his pillow. The ceiling caught his attention once more as they fell into silence.

Hiccup knew without a doubt that his returning to Astrid was not his victory in the least. He had given up hope so many times that it couldn't be.

_Aelfgifu,_ Hiccup thought _, Selindra…I, well- thank you. For hoping_ for _me._

For he knew if not for the sacrifices of those two women for one scrawny Viking, he would not be alive to be marrying Astrid Hofferson.

000

Stoick finally returned home in the wee hours of the morning a few days later. He was glad to have reached land when they did, because the drizzle that had followed his boat turned into a full on early spring thunderstorm. He had received a message via a Terrible Terror about a week ago from Valka bringing him up to speed on how Hiccup was at home, and though she assured him he was making progress, he was still anxious to see his son in the flesh.

It was late, yes, but Stoick's first thought when he entered his home was not to go to bed after he dropped off his belongings, but to see Hiccup. After making his way up the stairs, he creaked open the door of the loft and scooted his bulky frame through.

Toothless, who was lying on the floor beside the bed (funny, Stoick remembered the dragon having his own personal space some feet away) picked up his head, ears erect and eyes glowing in the darkness. He growled quietly at the intruder, and Stoick praised the dragon for being so protective.

"Only me," Stoick whispered to Toothless, "It's alright, it's only me."

Toothless stopped growling and sniffed the air. After a moment, he recognized the familiar smell and voice, and once he had placed their identity, he crooned a welcome and placed his head back down on the floor.

Guessing that he had passed clearance, Stoick stepped around Toothless and came to stand beside his son's bed. Hiccup was facing his father, drowned deep in sleep. Stoick breathed a sigh he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Valka had told him Hiccup had been thin as a skeleton when they brought him home, but was slowly gaining weight. Stoick could see that Hiccup was still too thin, his cheeks still hollower than he was used to seeing, but if what Valka had said was true, it was a massive improvement. His boy's hair was a clean, messy puffball that swept across his face, and he was buried up to his nose in pelts. He was guarded by a dragon and his mother and his girlfriend (who wasn't here at the moment, probably home for a much needed rest), and Stoick couldn't think of a safer place for his boy to be.

Suddenly, Hiccup's peaceful breathing hitched and he twitched under the blankets. Thunder rang out overhead, reminding Stoick of the cold, wet air in the room. He shivered as something began to pull Hiccup out of his sleep, something that was making the boy whimper and toss.

Concerned, Stoick reached out and placed a hand on his son's head, trying to figure out what was wrong. "Hiccup?"

"Mmmm…" Hiccup moaned tremulously, and curled in on himself, unable to keep his leg still.

His leg with the missing foot.

Of course. Gobber had been complaining of his stumps hurting on the way over tonight. The cold and wet did terrible things to a body even if it had all of its limbs intact. It made one's lungs feel as if they were freezing and rotting at the same time. In fact, Gobber said, that's what it made joints and stumps feel like as well.

Stoick gently tried to shake his son awake, stroking the side of his face. "Hiccup, wake up. Come on now."

Hiccup was slow to respond. He had actually been in pain that entire day due to the weather. It hadn't been that bad, but enough to make him cranky and drain him to the point where he had gone to bed early in hopes that sleep would make him feel better. But as the weather had grown worse while he had slept, so the pain had apparently grown worse, the nerves twisting and attacking the body they belonged to ferociously.

"Son," Stoick shook him a little harder.

Suddenly, Hiccup's eyes opened, and once they focused and he caught sight of Stoick, he gasped harshly and leapt backwards, falling out of bed with a thud. Stoick raced around the bed with an alarmed whisper of his son's name, bending over Hiccup once he reached him to try and lift him up.

However, he didn't count on Hiccup screaming loud enough to rattle the rooftops.

Hiccup made an odd, leaping shuffle backwards, pressing his back into the corner made by the side of his bed and the wall, shaking hard enough for his shoulder to make a drumming noise against his bed. He looked at Stoick with eyes wide with terror, chest lurching in panic. He immediately began whining a string of words that were high pitched and hair-raising in their tone.

"It's over, it's over! They're gone, I killed them, they can't hurt me anymore."

"Hiccup…" Stoick said softly, inching closer to his scared son. Hiccup jumped and shrieked, and at that, Toothless came bounding over to join Stoick, whimpering worriedly.

"NO! Stay away!" Hiccup ordered. "I can't do this anymore, I'll go mad! Or have I already gone mad? I don- stop it!"

Lighting flashed and thunder roared. Hiccup grasped at his head in his hands before he brought his head down to bury his face in his knees, curling into a shaking, fetal ball. Toothless let out a cry and trotted forward, nosing Hiccup's shoulder and licking his ear. His fear was causing Toothless' heart to race, and he wanted to help his rider, but didn't even know what the problem was.

Valka suddenly appeared in the doorway, woken by the noise of Hiccup falling out of bed. When she took in the scene of Hiccup cowering against a wall with Toothless trying to comfort him and Stoick kneeling in front of him, she raced forward, stopping beside Hiccup and nudging Stoick out of the way, seeming to know what was wrong immediately. She took Hiccup into her arms, speaking to him as if she were guiding him out of a dark wood and into the morning. Hiccup's ears perked at the sound of her voice, soothing and soft, and gradually uncurled from his fetal ball, wrapping her arms around her back and burying his face into her chest.

He shook for a few more minutes, the room filled with nothing but the sounds of the rain and his shuddering breaths. Finally, Hiccup managed to say softly, "My leg hurts."

Valka kissed the top of his head. "It probably does."

"It's been hurting all day."

"I figured. You think you're good at hiding pain, don't you? I may have been away for a long time, but I still gave birth to you. I'm also not blind."

"It really hurts Mom…"

"Alright, I'm sorry, I won't tease you. Up you get, and we'll see if putting some heat on your leg won't help it."

With Toothless' help, she lifted her son up into the bed, and once she had him settled, asked for Toothless to lay his head on Hiccup's leg. The dragon didn't hesitate, putting his head atop his rider's stump as gently as he could manage. The scaly hide was like a furnace, heating the tight muscles and ragged nerves. It calmed the overreacting limb down, soothing and loosening everything until the cramps began to fade.

Once Hiccup was calmer, he finally got a look at the man who had entered his room, and was immediately awash with guilt. "Oh gods dad, I'm so sorry. I didn't…I"-

"Hush," Stoick admonished him, "Don't you waste your breath."

Feeling that it was safe to move, the Viking chief sat down on the bed and pulled Hiccup into a hug as gentle as he could manage. Hiccup returned it wholeheartedly, his thin body disappearing into the protective bulk of Stoick the Vast.

"I'm glad you're home," Hiccup mumbled, "Is everyone alright?"

"Yes," Stoick assured him, "But don't worry about that now. Go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you."

"Mmm, I'm glad you did. I missed you."

Hiccup yawned, and Stoick laid him back down on his bed, where the boy fell back asleep a few moments later.

Once she was sure Hiccup was asleep, Valka ushered Stoick from the room while Toothless remained where he was, falling asleep himself. She pulled her husband back to their room where she could talk to him properly without fear of waking Hiccup.

They seated themselves on the bed, and Stoick finally said helplessly, "I don't know what happened, Val. The pain in his leg was waking him up, and when he finally did wake up, he saw me and then all Hel broke loose. He told me to stay away from him, that it was over and they couldn't hurt him anymore. No matter what I said to try and calm him down, it just seemed to scare him more."

Valka nodded thoughtfully, and took her husband's hand in both of hers. "You did scare him," she explained gently, "But not you personally; who he thought you were. He's had some very negative experiences with men these past few months. It only makes sense he'd react the way he did; he's been surrounded by women since he got home so I didn't realize- and then you went and woke him, and he was delirious- yes it makes sense."

Stoick nodded and said bitterly, "Yes, it does. Our poor boy…I should have"-

"Should have what? We've been through this. There was nothing you could have done, and anyway it doesn't matter now. He's home and he's breathing. He's getting better Stoick, really. He just still has a ways to go. But he'll be even better now that you're home."

"Will he?" Stoick wondered. "I spoke to the pirate captain that took him hostage, and what he told me he did to Hiccup…I nearly killed him right there."

Valka nodded in sympathy. "I would have too. Astrid told me what happened."

Stoick shook his head and asked rhetorically, "So how is me being home going to help him if he's afraid of men?"

She was silent for a minute, considering the night darkened room, before answering, "Because you're his father and he loves you. You're someone else that's here to protect him and he knows that. It's his body that's been trained to send him into a panic whenever he hears a male voice. But he'll master his mind over his body, and then he'll be alright. In the meantime, you just stay low and quiet and don't make any sudden moves. He's become used to the voices of women, but he'll become used to you again."

"Val"-

"He will."

And as he pulled her closer to him, Stoick believed her.

It was quiet for a moment, before Stoick whispered uncertainly, "Valka?"

"Hmm?"

"I forgot to mention…"

"Yes dear?"

"I brought the pirate captain back. Alive."

Valka drew back to stare at him in utter disbelief. Stoick met her eyes with utter seriousness when he said his next statement.

"Nothing like spattering the brains of the man who raped you to help you heal."


	16. I Bring You a Song

Astrid really hated to do this to Hiccup, but she was under orders from the Chief to summon his son to the prison, and she couldn't exactly disobey orders from the Chief. And as much as she hated to admit it, reality told her she couldn't protect Hiccup from everything.

She made her way to the Chief's house and opened the doors with a creak before sidling her way inside. The sight that greeted her when she focused on the fire burning in the middle of the room and knowing what she was about to disturb it for made her feel extremely guilty.

There was Hiccup, passed out in front of the fire. He was leaning against Toothless, who had curled his body around his boy, covering him with his tail across his lap and his head by his knees. Hiccup was lying on his side, curled up and snuggled deeply against the warm hide, hair mashed against his face and drool escaping his parted lips. He had finally begun to venture outside his home, feeling well enough and brave enough to do so. Today, he had gone down to the dragon training academy to help with the new recruits, and had immediately been swept away by enthusiastic welcomes from dragons and students alike. Needless to say, he had been lost in the excitement of the place for the rest of the day and Astrid had only looked on with fondness and joy at the happy flush in his cheeks and his clear, genuine laughter.

But it was evening now, the sun beginning to sink low in the sky without disappearing below the horizon just yet. Still, it had been a long day full of high energy for a body that was only just reaching a healthy weight again, so it was no wonder Astrid found Hiccup so deeply asleep.

Toothless lifted his head at her approach, but only purred and leaned his head into her hand when she gave him a pet. Hiccup was sleeping so hard he didn't hear her, didn't even twitch when she kneeled down to his level and placed a hand on his shoulder. Astrid sighed; he was nice and warm, and he looked so comfy, and gods it had been a hard day, he needed to rest…

" _He needs this, Astrid. It's the only way he can put what happened behind him. He can't run away from it anymore; he has to face it. I know you believe the same thing in your heart."_

Stoick's earlier words before he had sent her out came back to her, and she knew he was right. So, before she could let her heart guide her head (Hiccup really had been a huge influence on her) she gently began to shake him awake, saying his name.

Hiccup was dug into slumber like a tick into a vein, and it was just as hard to pull him out. But eventually, he lifted his head and blinked heavy, crusty eyelids at her. When he asked her what the matter was, his voice was thick and crackly, eyelids drooping and weary body ready to send him back to his dreams at a moment's notice.

"Your father wants you," Astrid said, "He said that's all you need to know. That and meet him at the prison."

Hiccup's sluggish mind couldn't comprehend why his father would want to meet him at the prisons, but at the same time he was too tired to ask why.

"Alright," he yawned hugely, stretching like a cat. Suddenly, a chilly breeze blew in from the window and made him shiver. "Mmm, but it's cold out there and warm in here."

Astrid pulled his head to her and kissed the top of it sympathetically. He was still too thin, and became cold so much more easily. So it was no wonder he wrinkled up his nose in distaste and hesitated in getting up, like the very thought of stepping out into the cold was painful. However, after a few moments, Hiccup reluctantly extricated himself from his cozy cocoon and threw on a few layers of furs, yawning throughout the whole process.

He approached her a few minutes later, layers in place and prosthetic on. Toothless had gotten up to stand by his side, obviously intending to follow them. Rubbing his eyes, Hiccup followed her out the door and into the cold with Toothless following like a guardian shadow down towards the prison.

Hiccup gradually woke up the closer they got, and the more he awoke, the more heightened his sense of dread became. The twilight followed him like an executioner, the prison eventually looming up like his awaiting noose. A few crows called in the distance, and he jumped. Astrid was immediately rubbing his arm and stretching up to nuzzle his cheek. Hiccup nuzzled her back, and didn't allow himself to hesitate as he crossed the threshold of the prison.

It was easy enough to decide where they had to go. The prison was completely dark save for one torch that lit up one single cell a little ways down the hall. The three of them headed towards it, Hiccup and Astrid's feet and Toothless' claws clinking ominously. They eventually stopped when they reached the doorway to the lit cell, and Hiccup noticed that his parents were already inside, both holding weapons and standing on either side of-

"Ah, there he is. The man of the hour! I was wondering if I'd turn into a corpse before you got here. Not that I have far to go."

Hiccup's breath caught audibly.

The pirate captain let out a wheezy cackle that didn't possess much heart. He was sitting in the middle of the cell on a stool, his hands unbound. It was a dare really, to leave a prisoner with their hands unbound. It was the Viking way of saying, "Go ahead, try something. We'd love any excuse to cut your head off." And Valka and Stoick looked ready to do just that, especially when they saw the way Hiccup's body went taut and his eyes widened fearfully. He was surprised they didn't hear his heartbeat filling the room with its obnoxious pounding too.

"Well come in, don't be shy!" the pirate greeted, "According to your folks you're supposed to be the one that decides whether tonight is my last night on Earth or not. So get on with it!"

Hiccup looked like he was staring into the gates of Hel and seeing what lay beyond them. Toothless smelled his fear and came to stand beside him, shoving his head up underneath his rider's hand. The feel of the familiar hide provoked the automatic response of petting him, and Hiccup immediately felt a little calmer. Astrid stood on his other side, taking his free hand in hers and squeezing it.

"How's your ass holding up, boy?" the pirate captain said lazily, "Still shitting blood? I'll tell you something, your asshole was nicer than any cunt I've pounded into."

Astrid bared her teeth and stormed up to him before she socked him in the face. The captain jerked in his seat, spat out a tooth, and regarded her steadily. He tilted his head, and in the sudden silence, only Toothless' growls and Hiccup's heavy breathing filled the air.

"You're his girl?" the captain said brightly, "Hmm, have we met before?"

Astrid snarled, "If we'd met before, I can guarantee you wouldn't have lived to tell about it, you sack of"-

"Don't doubt it," he laughed fondly, "But you do look like this girl I knew in a whorehouse in Rome. She sucked my cock like she was born to do it."

And his arms snaked around to grab Astrid by the rear, pulling her closer to him. "Bet you're just as good as she is," he said, "Your ass certainly is nicer."

She screeched like an alley cat and her cheeks became red with embarrassment and rage when he fondled her, and made to reach for her axe. But before she could make a move, a blur appeared in the corner of her vision, and suddenly the captain was screaming bloody murder. Astrid saw the reason once she leaped backwards.

His hands were on the floor.

Looking up, she saw Hiccup standing there with his father's long-sword, shoulders heaving and teeth bared in a snarl. The blade was coated in blood.

Hiccup stepped forward deliberately, his expression of fury not fading in the slightest as he lifted their captain's bent over head with the tip of his sword. His eyes scanned over his bleeding wrists, and his heart felt the presence of all the people who loved him more than life itself in that room. Only one thing mattered and became as clear as day: as long as these people were with him, nothing could hurt him. He was tired of living in fear, and had finally had enough.

This time, it was the captain who looked terrified, and the gleeful countenance finally dropped in the presence of this creature who had taken over the body of the cowering boy he had taken on his ship.

"I was going to ask you what you would have me do with you," Hiccup said softly, harshly, "But I don't think you deserve that option. Not anymore. You're not dead, but your soul departed from your body long ago. I…" he took a deep breath, and his voice grew even softer, "I'm not afraid of you anymore."

Hiccup backed up a step, studying the pirate and shaking his head at how pitiful he looked, alone, shaking, and an utter waste of air.

"Actually, I feel bad for you," he continued, "Because you won't have any comfort, not even after you die. You're not going to Valhalla, and I doubt Hel will let you in. The only thing left for you is to wander across Midgard forever, crying into the wind for release and never finding it. Perhaps by doing that you will eventually learn about the suffering you made people experience in life. Perhaps…you can be redeemed in this way."

The captain snorted, a harsh, choking sound warped by pain and terrified bitterness. "You really think it's possible for a worm like me to be redeemed in any way?"

Hiccup nodded firmly. "Yes."

The captain retained his expression of disbelieving anger, before it slowly began to melt into something else.

Something like Hiccup's words had made a crack in the rotted walls of his black heart.

But it didn't matter, because within one, two strikes, his head had had joined his hands on the floor, and his body had slumped backwards off the stool. Hiccup stood there with the blade still raised, before he handed it back to his father with the air of one who is sleepwalking, and headed out the cell without another word. When Toothless tried to accompany him, Hiccup shook his head, and told his dragon gently to go home and keep the fire going for him, he would need it once he returned. With that, he was gone.

Astrid followed him out, finding him on a cliff at the very edge of the village staring out at the sea. He was turned into a black silhouette bathed as he was in the light of the moon. She made her way toward him slowly, as if afraid she'd spook him. But Hiccup didn't budge, not even when she came to stop beside him and regard his profile. He didn't turn to look at her, so Astrid gently turned his head toward her with a finger curled about his chin, and he didn't resist. He met her eyes with an emotion she couldn't hope to name. It was a dizzying cross between lingering terror, pity, pride and…relief.

Astrid sighed. There were some flecks of blood that painted his cheeks and brow in a morbid constellation pattern. Bending over slowly, she picked up some snow in her hands, let it melt a bit, and then began to wash away the blood from Hiccup's face with it. He shivered, but oddly didn't complain or even make a sarcastic crack about how it was hard enough for him to grow a beard without her trying to freeze it off. He simply closed his eyes and let her do her work.

The snow was pure, and in his mind she wasn't just cleaning his outsides. Astrid was washing his soul of something that had stained it for far too long, and when the blood was removed, so was the feeling of fear and guilt. She wiped his skin dry with her sleeve when she was finished, and then cupped his face in both hands, watching his eyes. Something shifted in them at that moment, something that couldn't be explained in words. But if Astrid had to try, it looked like a pile of ashes bursting into flame, and a creature that had lived in Hiccup suddenly gave a screech of victory, before taking flight and landing in its rightful place in his heart.

Astrid felt a slow smile spreading across her face, and was delighted when it was mirrored by Hiccup. She leaned in and took his hands in hers, nudging the top of her head under his chin. Surprised but accepting the gesture of affection, Hiccup's eyes widened and then shut with a sigh, and then he buried his nose in her hair.

He was home at last.

And then Astrid's head suddenly shifted away from him, and she was nipping his chin and smacking his chest. Hiccup yelped indignantly, startled, before he looked up and saw that she had moved away from him with a devious, "come hither" grin on her face that dared him to come and get revenge. With a delighted wiggle and a growl, he lunged after her and, squealing, she bounded away.

To anyone else, they probably looked ridiculous, dancing around each other like a couple of love-struck yearlings in heavy, wet snow that wasn't even beautiful anymore this time of year. But Hiccup and Astrid had long disappeared into their own little world, a world where it was the height of summer, the moon above was brighter to them than anyone else, and it felt like they were falling for each other all over again. They had transformed to a coy doe and the buck that pursues her, tossing their heads and overcome with flirtatious, heady giggles they couldn't stop. The smell of winter was in the air, but it was being pushed back by spring, and it filled their heads and made them foolish.

Hiccup finally caught his nimble prey and wrapped his arms around her waist, pinning her arms to her side. She shrieked and then dissolved into breathless laughter, before Hiccup tipped them off balance and they both collapsed to the ground in a heap.

When Hiccup sat up, he realized slowly that he had Astrid pinned underneath him, one leg between both of hers and both hands beside her head. Meanwhile, she was on her back making a dip in the snow and probably getting soaked. But the moonlight was turning her hair silver, and as she looked up at him the moonlight was in his eyes, so neither of them cared. Hiccup dipped his head slowly, breath misting in front of him, and Astrid met him halfway, skipping his lips and pecking his nose instead. Raising an eyebrow in an expression of mock offense, Hiccup dove down and proceeded to blow raspberries against her cheek and her neck, sending Astrid into an elated fit of laughing and squirming. She hugged his neck and though she told him to cut it out, there was no spine in her words.

Hiccup only let up when she socked him (unintentionally?) hard in the ribs, and he backed up with a grunt, although his ribs still shook with laughter. Astrid meanwhile as she sat up had trouble drawing breath through her giggles and her cheeks were flushed.

At the moment, it didn't matter that their butts were soaked and that it would take a long, hot bath to thaw out their bodies when they returned home. In this little bubble of freedom and moonlight and ribs aching with laughter, all that mattered was the scent of the other, the air that the other drew into their lungs and expelled into a cloud of mist.

All that mattered was the song that no one else heard that their hearts beat to, the song of the healed and his healer.


	17. My Little Phoenix

The seasons passed and the sun rose and fell many times before they produced in Astrid a faint buzz of mead in her veins and a lovely wedding band on her ring finger. It looked just like Hiccup's, except the gem in hers was a blue scale from Stormfly while his was a black scale from Toothless.

But the wedding day was over now and the night was just beginning. Astrid and Hiccup had decided to head home while the inebriated guests proceeded to make themselves more inebriated. Quite suddenly, Hiccup had told her he was going on ahead of her and to come home at her own pace. Confused, Astrid had merely shrugged and let him do as he wanted. There was a funny look in his eyes that she had learned not to question and simply go with, and she had watched him raced up the hill full throttle while she continued at her leisurely pace.

Now, she was home, stepping through the doors of the Chief's home and making her way up the stairs. And when she reached the top, Astrid's breath caught in her throat audibly. Hiccup was on the bed, lying on his back on top of the fur, bathing under an ethereal mixture of candlelight and twilight, regarding her shyly.

And he was completely naked, save for the wedding band she had placed on his finger.

Whether it was intended or not, his hair was tousled and still slightly damp, giving him a warm, windblown look. His head was slightly bowed so that when he looked up at her, he looked up at her through his bangs. His every muscle and curve was being gilded by the fading pink and golden light, and the smile he graced her with was sweet and soft. Every about him to Astrid's eyes was vulnerable and tempting.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably, a blush creeping over his face, and Astrid broke her embarrassing stare. His hands fidgeted, and he pulled his knees up to his chest a little more, keeping his crotch obscured from her view.

Astrid wanted to say something in response, but she couldn't. Neither of them could. All the words they could have used had already been said.

Instead, she sat down on the bed beside him and stroked the side of his face. He leaned into it briefly, and then looked back up at her. The upward tilt of her eyebrows asked him if he was sure, and the kiss he placed on her palm followed by the quivering smile her gave her said he was nervous, but still willing. And by turning her hand over and kissing her knuckles, he said that he trusted her.

Slowly and deliberately, Astrid backed away and removed her furs, aware of Hiccup's eyes watching her intently and gauging his reaction. The blush coloring his face and the dilation of his pupils convinced her to remove her breast bindings and underwear. The heaviness of his breath told her it was okay to unbraid her hair and allow it to spill down her back. She stood by the side of the bed, both of them regarding each other, bare bodies illuminated in the last of the twilight as it sunk beneath the horizon and the sky turned to night. And there they were, poised on the brink of something dangerous and powerful. There was a subtle tremor to Hiccup's hand as he reached for Astrid's, gut churning with uncertainty as much as desire. The terrible memories were threatening to surface and flood his consciousness. But when Astrid took his hand and sat down on the bed next to him, the flood was pushed back. When she gently kissed his cheek and murmured how happy she was to be his wife at last, the waters receded a little more, and Hiccup, knowing he could go on for days about it, pulled her onto his lap, deciding to _show_ her how happy he was to be her husband.

They kissed, touched and explored, softly, sensually, feeling muscles shift beneath skin and arousal pooling between their legs. As she ran her hands down his back, Astrid realized that she never knew how _soft_ Hiccup was. She kissed his face, down his neck and shoulders, all the way to his chest, while her hands roamed across his rear and thighs. Hiccup's breathing became more rapid, his chest rising and falling more quickly beneath her lips, and he kissed her hair while he began to push her backwards. She let him put her on her back and explore her body with his lips. He was so curious, pausing to take in her scent once in a while, sometimes just skimming her skin with his lips. He seemed to be looking for what gave her goosebumps, what made her breathing pick up, and then adding his tongue after. Feeling his lips on her skin was exquisite, his tongue divine, and the wet sounds his mouth made her breath quicken in anticipation as he descended lower and lower.

And then he stopped abruptly.

Growling with frustration, Astrid glanced down at Hiccup to see that his head was hovering between her legs, and he was caressing her thighs absently. After a moment, he must have felt her eyes on him because he met her gaze. He looked deeply unsettled for a moment, before he wrestled his expression into something more neutral, and Astrid knew that he was remembering the last time he had been in contact with a naked woman like this.

"Sorry," he apologized morosely.

Astrid sat up partway on her elbows, and replied earnestly, "Don't be. It's alright babe, it's me this time. You're home, and you're okay."

After a moment, Hiccup nodded, and sighed with relief, before she added, "If you want, we don't have to do this"-

"We do. _I_ do." He kissed one of her thighs, holding his nose against her skin and taking in her scent, affirming who she was and what she meant to him. Then, he flicked his gaze upward to meet hers, a devious smile forming on his face as he said, "Now lay back down, my dear. I'm going to make you see stars."

Astrid laughed lowly, her heart pounding excitedly, and did as she was told. "You are, are you?" she said, raising an eyebrow, "Well, give me your best sh- OH!"

His head had dipped between her legs, tongue immediately laving at her clitoris. Her back arched and she began to undulate her hips without even being aware that she was doing so, grinding herself lewdly into Hiccup's face and digging her fingers into his hair. He grunted from the discomfort, but kept going; the action was primal and rough, and he liked that she was having trouble controlling herself, that her thighs were twitching so heavily and she was spreading her legs even wider to receive more of his attention. Astrid began making noises she had never heard herself make before, and Hiccup in turn grew more enthusiastic, gently adding his teeth and letting them scrape over her folds, sucking at her clit and pulling the nerves taut. He gripped her thighs, letting her knees lay over his shoulders, groaning quietly in response to her pleasure.

Astrid chanced a look downward, and in combination with the heavenly sensations he was gifting her with, the sight between her legs completely undid her. And in the wake of her release, Astrid realized that pleasuring herself with nothing but the mere shadow of Hiccup to fuel her fantasies was nothing compared to the sight of Hiccup's dark head bobbing happily between her legs, neck working, shoulders tense, tongue dancing so expertly and so _sinfully_ …

As she lay there shaking and gasping, Hiccup lifted his head, looked her straight in the eye, panting as well, and wiped his mouth. He then scooted forward and lay down by Astrid's knees, eyes shining, grinning up at her brightly, as if waiting to receive his praise. Astrid couldn't help herself; she sat up and grabbed his face with her hands, pulling it toward her, before she covered it in drowsy, thankful kisses. Hiccup shut his eyes and smiled bashfully, soaking it all in.

"Can I try something?" she panted against his lips.

Hiccup nodded, his body still pumped full of the sweet knowledge that Astrid had come for him. _Him_. She seemed so relaxed and wobbly, and it made her very affectionate towards him, sitting up and nuzzling her face against his, nibbling an ear sweetly.

"On your hands and knees please?" she asked next to his ear.

Hiccup tilted his head, but didn't question it. This position… not the best memories were associated with it. But he still did what Astrid asked, taking a deep breath that cleaned out the parts of his mind darkened by those less than desirable memories. They would always be a part of him, but they didn't have to rule him. So, quite purposefully, he did as Astrid wanted, spurred on by her dilated eyes and the rising and falling of her pert breasts.

She started at his face, kissing over his brow and lifting up his head so that she could kiss his lips. He let her tongue have its way, tasting and dominating his. It felt so good to be wanted by her that a groan vibrated up Hiccup's throat without his consent. Astrid then moved down immediately to his rear, which was bared white and vulnerable for her lustful eyes. Her eyes and no one else's in the world. It belonged to her and the possessive feeling that flowered in her at that moment flooded straight to her groin. Her hands stroked his hips, kneading, and massaging, before she replaced her hands with her lips. She nibbled and flicked her tongue softly over his flanks while her hands moved determinedly to the inside of his thighs. She felt the muscles underneath her fingertips stiffen and watched as goose bumps prickled over his skin.

Hiccup sighed, watching her over his shoulder. Her ministrations were so purposeful, so primal in their intention. He'd seen the Icelandic ponies in his travels and the eager mares that would nibble at the flanks of their stallions because their minds were so clouded by estrus, and Astrid was behaving exactly like those mares. He was suddenly very conscious of the evidence of his maleness swinging between his legs, heavy and hot and begging for attention.

Hiccup grunted when she began to run her tongue over the supple flesh of his behind, her hands grasping it tenderly. "Are you aware," she said huskily, "that you have an ass so beautiful that I'm ready to come again just by looking at it?"

Hiccup laughed and looked over his shoulder at her, saying, "It's only surpassed by yours."

She laughed, and he felt her press her front along his back, bending over him. He sighed explosively with pleasure, even more so when he felt first and foremost, the rough curls that covered her sex and the wetness coating the outside rub against the curve of his behind. Not sure what to do but wanting more, Hiccup pressed his rear against the hot center of her, and Astrid actually rolled her hips into him a few times, hands caressing his chest and hugging him to her carnally.

Astrid moved her hands up to rub backwards through his hair, and Hiccup gasped and shivered, the sensitive nerve endings alight. Astrid his proceeded to kiss down the back of his neck, his shoulders, and down his back, alternately nibbling, tonguing, and filling her senses with Hiccup; his taste, his smell, the warmth of his skin, and the appreciative hisses and murmurs that reached her ears.

And that was all before her she reached between his legs and took his length in hand. When she did that Hiccup couldn't stop the disgustingly lewd moan that forced itself from him even if he wanted to.

Oh _gods_ it was sublime! Hiccup couldn't help it; he widened his stance and bore down on her hand, rocking and humming and trembling, lips pressed tightly shut to keep any more embarrassing noises from escaping. Astrid noticed how he had scrunched his face, and decided to change tactics. She stopped touching him and slid off his back, and Hiccup nearly began to cry when she did.

"No, wait, why did you-?" he began, but Astrid cut him off with a dark grin that clearly stated she wasn't finished with him yet.

"Lay down?" she asked, already doing so herself, "On your side?"

He did without hesitation, and she spooned tightly behind him. She looked him in the eye, gaging his reaction and preparing to stop if he became uncomfortable as she took one of his thighs in hand and gently spread his legs. Astrid could see his pulse pumping faster in his neck and his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, and she kissed his pulse point hungrily. Holding his legs open, she resumed her stroking with vigor, only this time, she watched Hiccup's face while she did it.

His expression twisted in a harshly beautiful way, brows tilting upward, mouth opening to accommodate his panting breaths, and toes curling. A bright flush spread vulnerably across his cheeks, down his neck, and even highlighting his collar bone and upper chest. He was tossing his head this way and that, pleasure rocketing so hard through his slight body he wasn't sure he could contain it.

"Gods!" It wasn't even really a word, more like a gurgle with inflection. "Astrid! Astrid, it's, it- Ahh!"

Astrid sped up her hand until it was nearly a blur, nibbling on Hiccup's bare shoulder and listening as his breaths sped up into a frantic pant. And she knew he wouldn't last much longer. He was thrusting into her hand wildly, fists clenching in the furs, practically sobbing as his climax began to crawl up his thighs and blaze its way up between his legs.

And then she abruptly stopped.

Hiccup let out a cry and actually felt tears pricking at his eyes, wondering how she could be so cruel. But his anger was blown away in a second when he saw that Astrid had moved out from behind him so that she was now in front of him on her hands and knees. She was looking over her shoulder at him, red faced and panting, her rear pointing in his direction and her feminine slit weeping with pent up desire. She was whimpering quietly, a hand between her legs rubbing at her clitoris frantically.

"Hiccup…" she breathed, voice low and needy.

Well, he didn't need to be told twice. Hiccup nearly tripped over himself in his enthusiasm to get up and crawl over to her. She panted his name again, and backed into him until her rear bumped against his chest. Hiccup actually _growled_ , low and guttural, and did what any male would do when a female in heat presents him with her rear; he popped up onto his knees, grabbed her hips, and slid himself into that inviting gap between her legs.

Then Astrid went stiff and curled in on herself, groaning in a way that turned Hiccup as white as a ghost. He started babbling frantically, asking if she was okay and began to pull out of her.

"Hold still and shut up!" she commanded through gritted teeth, and Hiccup did so, clamping his jaws shut.

Astrid growled angrily, but she wasn't mad at Hiccup; she was mad at herself. Or more specifically, her body for chasing away the warm, heady glow that filled her veins and replacing it with burning pain. It didn't make sense. Why did her body respond so wonderfully to Hiccup's touches before, filling her with a pleasing, clenching hotness, lubricating her entrance appropriately in readiness to accept him into her, and then betray her by filling her with pain when she did?

Determined, Astrid bit her tongue and rocked her hips tentatively. The pain was still there and she grunted from it. Hiccup began to spill more apologizes, but one furious look from Astrid over her shoulder silenced him again. She shifted her stance impatiently, willing the pleasure back, and rocked forward again and-

Oh.

Hey, that actually…wasn't too bad.

Astrid heard Hiccup suck air in through his nose and tightened his grip on her hips. She hummed thoughtfully, and backed into Hiccup.

And then pain was just about gone.

Huh. Maybe her body did know what to do after all. Well, if the body of a woman was designed to pass babies, accepting a man into that same passage shouldn't be a problem. The passage just needed time to stretch and adjust.

Astrid grinned, sighed, and cocked her hips, undulating them teasingly. Hiccup moaned softly, his entire world narrowing down to that extremely tight, hot and wet channel that was squeezing him so hard.

"Okay," Astrid breathed, "Okay. Go ahead."

Hiccup sighed, and leaned over her slightly, feeling her frame go soft in his grip. The instant he began to move, his breath was stolen from his lungs in an embarrassingly wonton groan. Astrid made a noise to match, her moans breathy and very feminine, meant to express her pleasure as well as egg him on. Hiccup ran his hands reverently over her back, and began to pick up the pace. He lowered his head in concentration, sweat beginning to bead along his temples.

Astrid whimpered, and widened her stance while simultaneously lowering the front of her body, breathily begging for more. She felt Hiccup adjust his angle, and a fresh, hot burst of ecstasy filled her as a result. Hiccup could feel his bangs sticking to his forehead at this point, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn't seem to get enough air. But surprisingly enough, he found he didn't care. He was too focused on the slick, juicy sucking sounds his thrusts produced.

"Hiccup," Astrid whined, "Please…"

Hiccup moaned soft and needy, and manhandled her hips so that she was flush against him, and sat back on his heels, putting her in his lap without separating himself from her. Astrid pressed her back against his chest, spread her legs wide, and threw her head back when Hiccup resumed thrusting into her.

Oh gods, this was nothing like they had ever imagined. Astrid was all sensuous silk and delicious, bouncing flesh. Hiccup was also sensuous and silky against Astrid's skin, but also firm where she was soft, angled where she was curved, and his grunts were deep where Astrid's were high. She chanced a look down, and the sight of Hiccup's length, thick and coated in her feminine juices, disappearing in and out of her, set her to crying out afresh. Her world had reduced itself to one thing: Hiccup. The way he stimulated every single nerve and cell in her ever tightening channel, the way one of his hands had reached up to play with her breast, the fact that his mouth was planting hot, wet kisses along her neck. The fact that his other free hand was snaking around and digging itself into her coarse curls, searching out her clitoris and rubbing it furiously as he continued to pound into her _oh GODS!_

Behind her, Hiccup would never be able to thank the gods enough that this gorgeous young woman had deemed him worthy enough to see her in every sense of the word, and was allowing him to use her body for his own pleasure, and better yet, that he was allowed to bring pleasure to her. The screams and cries he was driving from her only made him raise his voice higher, a sob building in his throat and tears stinging his eyes because everything was Astrid and she was everywhere and everything was so hot and heavy and tight _he couldn't stand it!_ His breaths grew rapid and desperate, and a blinding pressure he recognized as impending climax began in his balls and blazed up his length.

"Coming," Hiccup slurred, "Coming, _UGH, oh gods,_ Astrid"-

"Yeah," Astrid replied, and in a higher pitched tone repeated "Yes!"

That was it. Hiccup screamed long and loud and probably burst Astrid's eardrums, and he felt something in his length pulsing and pumping heavily, and a burning tightness turned everything white-hot from the tip of his length to his boiling bladder. He froze at the deepest point of penetration with his back arching hard, clutching Astrid tightly and squeezing his eyes shut while his mouth hung agape, everything pulsing and pulsing and pulsing.

Astrid had felt her own release shortly after Hiccup had begun fondling her feminine little bump, and rode out the waves of his release. She felt his hot seed flush up into her, and her body welcomed it eagerly. The ripe egg in her body was overjoyed to finally fulfill its purpose, and set itself to wait, nature thrumming with impatience.

Astrid, panting hard and beyond satiated, pulled Hiccup's face to hers in a sloppy kiss filled with gratitude, a last after-effect of her lust. However, he couldn't hold it long, and pulled away, panting hard and shakily, eyes drifting in and out of focus rapidly.

"You're trembling," Astrid observed worriedly.

Hiccup nodded, but said nothing, ribcage heaving. Astrid pulled herself off of him, and observed as he hauled himself up and dragged himself over to the head of the bed, managing to collapse with his head somewhere in the vicinity of the pillows. He looked at her expectantly, a drowsy, utterly sated grin on his face, and held an arm up for her to crawl under. Astrid returned his grin and joined him at the head of the bed, pulling furs over the both of them and lying down flush next to him. He draped an arm around her ribs and nuzzled his nose into her shoulder, still trembling. Astrid kissed his forehead and stroked his damp hair, feeling the little aftershocks twitching through his body. He pressed his lips against her shoulder and murmured something that sounded like "I love you," but she wasn't sure; his voice was muffled by her skin and exhaustion.

"Hmm?" Astrid asked.

But when she looked down after a few moments of silence, she realized she wasn't going to get a reply. Hiccup had fallen into a deep, contented sleep, breaths soft and regular against her skin, body heavy and warm. His dark eyelashes fanned across his cheeks, where a sleepy flush had already taken up residence. She could feel the wiry, lanky strength of him coiling around her, his flat, smooth chest against her full one, one bare shoulder peeking alluringly out from under the blankets. And he was all hers.

Astrid sighed and closed her eyes, allowing the sound of the crashing waves, the chill of the moonlight, and the scent of their lovemaking to combine into a lullaby that sang her to sleep.

000

Hiccup moaned and vomited for the third time into the basin the midwife had place on his knees. His stomach had become a horrible tangle of nerves, jumping around enough to knock everything out of it. Toothless crooned sympathetically at his side as Hiccup's shoulders heaved and his ribs spasmed once more.

Yet he knew he wasn't suffering nearly as bad as Astrid was upstairs in their bedroom.

Vomiting spell over a few minutes later, Hiccup shoved the basin off to the side and curled up into a fetal ball next to Toothless, who pulled him against his side and blew soft breaths into his hair. He didn't know what was going on, only that Astrid was in a lot of pain and Hiccup couldn't seem to do anything about it except pace, cry, and throw up. All Toothless could think to do was keep him warm and take care of him for Astrid. It wouldn't do for her mate to expire on her so soon, the dragon thought logically.

A few minutes later, footsteps sounded down the stairs until they stopped in front of Hiccup. He lifted his head, face a mess of snot and tears and vomit. Venka just shook her head and took a cool cloth to him, wiping his blotchy face.

"You have to make a good first impression for your baby, love," she laughed.

That got Hiccup's attention, and he sat up rigidly. "So they're okay? Both of them?"

Venka nodded rapidly and placed her hands on his shoulders, helping him to stand on wobbly legs. "Yes, yes they're fine. Both tired, but both fine. You're a father. Gods help us all."

Hiccup let out a stream of semi-hysterical, relieved laughter, causing more tears to spill out. He wiped his arm across his eyes, the thought too ethereal and crazy for him to absorb. Venka seemed to guess what he was thinking, and gave him a little shove towards the stairs.

"Well go on!" she said, "Go see them! You too you great lizard." She patted Toothless.

Toothless gave a happy wiggle, and followed behind his rider as the two of them headed up the stairs. When they reached the top, Hiccup stopped dead and Toothless crashed into him with an indignant grunt.

Astrid was lying there in their bed, hair still clinging in damp strings to her forehead and neck. Her face was pale, and she looked as limp as a rag. But she was beaming brighter than a star down at the little swaddled bundle in her arms, touching her nose to the baby's nose and feeling all over its face.

A mother meeting her child for the first time. Astrid meeting _their_ child for the first time. Hiccup felt his chest simultaneously swell to bursting and his knees go weak. He didn't know whether to jump for joy, cry and throw up all over again, or just topple gently to the ground. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire life.

Instead, his throat made a noise without his consent that sounded something like a whimper mixed with a happy sigh. At that, Astrid looked over in his direction and her smile widened even further. She beckoned them over with one hand, eyes reflecting the same unfathomable happiness Hiccup knew was in his own.

"Well come here," she said, "The midwives kept you away long enough. Come meet our daughter, Hiccup."

That time, a noise of relieved elation really did escape him, and Hiccup made his way over to the bed with Toothless in tow as if he were walking through a dream. He carefully sat on the bed next to Astrid, unable to take his eyes off the little face peeking through the blankets she held in her arms. He was grinning like an idiot and felt a constant stream of laughter bubbling in his chest, escaping in little dribbles when he let it. He pulled back the blankets a little for a better look, revealing a fat chin and a wrinkled cone head with a touch of dark fuzz on the top. The eyes were closed but the head was moving back and forth, making whimpering noises and generally fussing, looking like an angry, red potato.

Holy gods, she was beautiful.

"That's ours," he breathed, "A little me and a little you."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Yes, genius. Now do you want to hold her or not?"

Hiccup's eyes widened as big as two moons. "But I don't…I don't want to drop her"-

Astrid laughed, "You won't. You're sitting down, she wouldn't go far anyway. Just hold her head in your elbow like so and keep her body level…that's it, wonderful."

She handed off her bundle slowly, and Hiccup picked her up carefully, trying not to let his worry show on his face. However, once she was settled firmly in place, he relaxed, and marveled at the warm, lumpy shape he held. Not only did she look like a potato, she felt like a warm, moving sack of them too. Hiccup lifted her slightly closer to his face, touching his nose to her forehead, moving his lips lightly across her face, exploring her and taking in her scent. She smelled of course like the balmy, comforting scent of a baby, but there was something deeper down that was a perfect mixture of his own scent and Astrid's. He took in her textures with his sensitive lips and fingers, memorizing her, imprinting this little girl in his memories and claiming her as his.

Toothless' curious nose suddenly appeared next to the bundle, and Hiccup backed away with a breathy laugh.

"Sorry bud," Hiccup apologized, "Here, say hello."

Toothless glanced at the both of them, and then began to sniff the little creature in the blankets. His eyes dilated in recognition; he must have recognized Hiccup's scent in this girl and realized what it meant. He glanced up at Hiccup with a happy grin, and then back down to the baby, back to Hiccup and back to the baby, before he began to thump his tail and gave her a little lick. Hiccup and Astrid laughed.

The baby began to let out a series of displeased cries, obviously not a fan of dragon spit. Hiccup wiped it off with his sleeve, and nearly dropped her when her eyes opened suddenly. She tilted her head and wrestled her arms out of her wrapping, letting her fists wave about haphazardly. The three of them watched in wonder as the little muscles worked, and Hiccup felt his heart burst with joy when those eyes looked right at him, paused, and then the mouth began to produce little babbling sounds, as if she were trying to speak with him.

Hiccup laughed, and held one of her tiny fists in his own hand, marveling at the way her fingers clenched and unclenched and just how big his hand was next to hers. It seemed crazy that she would one day possess hands anywhere near that size. He let go of her fist and instead opted to stroke her fat cheeks, resisting the urge to pinch them. Well, resisting for now, at least until she got a little bigger.

Her eyes then trained on the shiny object on his left hand, his wedding ring, and her hands went for it, pulling it up to her face. She nibbled on the scale curiously, and then tapped the band hard with one balled up fist. Her insistent babble continued, and she met Hiccup with unfocused blue eyes once more.

Suddenly, Hiccup's heart screeched to a halt in his chest.

_"I've been having this dream off and on for the past few weeks. In the beginning of it, I'm surrounded by blackness, but I'm not afraid. It's warm, and I can hear someone's heartbeat. Or perhaps it's mine, I don't know, but it's comforting, and I know I'm not alone. Then, I see this speck of light appear in front of me, and I decide to head towards it. Eventually, I reach it and pass through it, and you'll never guess who I see on the other side."_

_"Who?"_

_"You."_

Warmth, blackness, a heartbeat. The womb. A light. Birth. Hiccup felt his heart kick back in painfully and clog his throat.

" _When I see you, you look so…happy. You've been crying, but you're smiling. I try to tell you, 'There you are, it's been so long since I've seen you. Are we finally going to fly on a dragon now?' I don't think my words come out right, but it doesn't matter, because you laugh and I'm just too happy that I made you laugh. You stroke the side of my face, and I see something shiny on your finger, so I grab your hand so I can see it. It's a ring, a wedding band I think. There's a black gem on it with little blue specks that reflect the light. It's very pretty."_

Oh gods…

"Hiccup?" Astrid asked worriedly, "Come back. Hey, come on."

Hiccup blinked rapidly, feeling tears sting his eyes and bead up on his eyelashes. He took a deep breath, trying to settle his heart, speaking only when he trusted his throat would produce comprehensible noise.

"We never decided on a name," he observed, meeting Astrid's eyes.

Astrid shook her head. "Do you have something?"

"Um…" Hiccup felt his throat close again. His little daughter had a soul that he _knew_ , a soul that already had a name. Yet the life was brand new, a life that had been given a second chance in a manner he could have never guessed but the gods had planned all along. How would he give a name so something to as extraordinary as that?

He murmured something unsurely, something Astrid couldn't make out. "Hmm?"

Hiccup sniffed, and repeated in a louder voice, "Alvsjel. For her name. Maybe."

"Alvsjel," Astrid tasted the name on her tongue, and then her eyes widened in comprehension. "For her? For Aelfgifu?"

Hiccup nodded. _Because she_ is _Aelfgifu_.

A slow smile spread across Astrid's face, and then leaned forward to kiss her daughter's forehead. "I like it. I mean, look who her daddy is. That's a lot to live up to, but I think she can do it."

Hiccup nodded silently again, and pressed his forehead against the baby's, holding her close and squeezing his eyes shut.

"Alvsjel," he murmured, "My little elf-soul." And in a whisper for her ears only, "My little phoenix."

For this child housed part of his flame now within her. In time, she would show the extension of that flame and grow into the spitting image of her proud father while her mother's temper made her a force to be reckoned with. She would become the Viking the previous owner of her soul had always wanted to be, and bathe in the love of the boy she had saved.

And Hiccup would latch onto his daughter, and most especially her mother, for she was the force that rekindled the ashes of suffering in his soul, let the embers smolder and then burst into a bright, proud flame.

Because of her, the phoenix was reborn again to rival the dragon's flame for the rest of its days.

_Here she comes, here she comes._

_I've been waiting for so long._

_Here she comes,_

_rose again from the flames,_

_my little Phoenix_ – Tarja Turunen


	18. The Poet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of bonus chapters that dive into detail about Hiccup's time in the prison in Briton.

 

Movies » How to Train Your Dragon » **My Little Phoenix**  
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|  Author: Writer for the Tylwyth Teg |    
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| Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Reviews: 257 - Published: 04-21-14 - Updated: 01-29-16 | id:10287529  
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**A/N: Well hi there everyone! I got quite a few requests where people wanted to see what happened to Hiccup in his time spent in the prison in Briton, and I guess I did leave that wide open and am now curious myself. So here we are. I will warn you all, Hiccup's time there was…not pleasant. This is as M rated as it gets, so proceed with caution. I don't like to sugar coat bad situations, you all deserve better than that.**

" _I'm afraid. I'm so afraid._

_Being raped again, and again, and again_

_I know I will die alone._

_But loved._

_You live long enough to hear the sound of guns,_

_long enough to find yourself screaming every night,_

_long enough to see your friends betray you._

_For years I've been strapped unto this altar._

_Now I only have 3 minutes and counting._

_I just wish the tide would catch me first and give me a death I always longed for." – The Poet and the Pendulum, Nightwish_

Despite everything that had happened to him thus far since his capture, despite being starved, assaulted and humiliated multiple times over the course of four months, Hiccup knew without a doubt that the darkest part of his time being away from home occurred while he was incarcerated in the remote prison on Briton. Oh sure, in the prisons he was also starved, assaulted and humiliated, but what he had experienced before, from the captain's lustful rutting, to Woreos' threatening to ruin him forever for the woman he loved, to Egan depriving him of food, sleep and water in hopes of breaking him, it appeared that all of that had been meant to warm him up for the true trials that lay ahead.

The events that occurred in the prison in Briton was the stuff that made Hiccup jerk awake screaming bloody murder at night after he was rescued, that made him accidently hit Astrid more than once as she tried to pull him out of his dark visions while he flailed around fighting off the demons he saw (and then made him want to die after he saw her bruises the next morning), that made him afraid of his own shadow or nearly faint at the sound of approaching footsteps, and forever haunted some tiny corner of his subconscious for the rest of his days.

It began two days after he was first thrown in his cell.

The journey to the prison itself was spent for Hiccup mostly in the dark. He had been blindfolded, and they had traveled at night, with constant, paranoid whispering over his head from the guards as they went on their way, leading Hiccup to believe that the place they were going had either been forgotten by the monarchy or the monarchy didn't know that it existed. They had ridden for a bit with Hiccup draped over the horse's back like a sack of grain, and then had concluded when he was passed to a ship. It was a blur, and yet excruciatingly long all at the same time, and Hiccup wasn't entirely sure how much time had passed, but considering how thirsty he was and how his stomach had already begun to twinge with hunger, it had obviously been at least a full day.

After that, he had been thrown in a completely dark, moldy, wet cell with a stone floor at least two days ago. And not a drop of water or a morsel of food had been offered to him in that entire time. And so here Hiccup lay, curled up on the floor with his arms tucked up to his chest and his knees under his chin, shivering hard and wishing he could remember what it felt like to be warm.

He tried to recall every moment he could think of in his life when he had been exceptionally warm and cozy in a feeble hope that it would restore the feeling to his numb extremities; all the times he had fallen asleep against Toothless, the dragon's tail laying across his lap. The times when he had lain his head in Astrid's lap and watched the fire dancing in the pit on the first floor of his house, his eyes growing heavy as he grew contentedly drowsier. That time when Astrid had stumbled on him in the hot springs in the winter and told him offhandedly later with a blushing face that despite his attempts to cover up, she had seen everything, and then later when she had offered to even the embarrassment by stripping as well. The list went on, and though it didn't help him warm him much, it did bring a ghost of a smile to his face.

Thinking of all the food and water Selindra had given him in her home only served to make it seem further away. His throat was so dry now that it hurt to swallow, and his stomach felt like a wild beast clawing at his ribs, begging for sustenance and snarling with rage when it wasn't delivered. He could almost feel it moving beneath his thin skin, churning, trying to digest food that wasn't there and punishing him with agonizing flushes of weakness so prominent that it was an effort to lift even his pinky. He wondered how long it would be before his body turned on itself and began to digest his meager fat reserves, before no doubt turning on his muscles.

Yet even here, he had hope.

It was just a tiny spark of it, a fragile flame that barely dared to flicker, but it did so all the same. Some little inner voice ignored his circumstances and told him somehow, come hell or high water, Astrid would find him. She'd search the ends of the earth and kill whoever she had to, but she'd find him and get him out of this horrible place. And then he'd finally be safe. She'd lay him in his bed and bury him in layers of thick, toasty blankets until he forgot what the cold and damp felt like, and he'd eat so goddamn much food that he'd make himself sick. Hiccup smiled at the thought, even as his jaw trembled with his shivering.

Suddenly, he heard the echo of footsteps coming down the hall. Now, he'd heard plenty of sets of footsteps, but thus far, they hadn't stopped at Hiccup's cell. But today, he heard the loud creak of his door being opened and the footsteps clomping right over to him, stopping once they were next to him. Hiccup cautiously rolled over, wondering who was here and why.

It was a guard, holding a torch in one hand and a bowl in the other. He had a face that Hiccup felt he probably wouldn't remember if he passed him on the street, and he wasn't even as bulky as the other guards. But Hiccup didn't like the look in his eyes as they swept over him. It appeared as if his eyes were peeling back every layer Hiccup possessed, right down to his soul. It made the boy feel naked, despite being fully clothed.

"Can I help you?" Hiccup rasped, his voice scratchy and raw, as if the walls of his throat were made of sandpaper. He immediately went into a coughing fit, the act of speaking too much for his poor dry throat.

The guard didn't answer, not at first. He just kept staring at Hiccup, his eyes more heavy lidded now, and the boy began to feel even more uncomfortable. He couldn't hold his gaze for more than a moment, and at first he didn't know why. Then, it hit him; he knew that look. It was a look that had come to scare the living piss out of him; it was the look the pirate captain had given him on his ship, or the prostitutes in Rome had sometimes flashed him. He immediately felt the need to cross his arms and his legs defensively.

When the guard spoke, it confirmed his fears.

"I heard we had a new prisoner," he said quietly, "I did not know that he was so pretty."

"Thank you," Hiccup mumbled back, keeping his gaze glued to the floor, "My girlfriend thinks so too. Although I have to be honest, she's much prettier than me."

The guard laughed, and knelt down, leaning forward much too far for Hiccup's taste. He tried as subtly as he could to lean away from the other man, skin crawling.

"Is that so?" the guard wondered, "I doubt that. Your skin is as white many a virgin from my land's fairytales. It looks as fine as silk. I wonder if it's as soft?"

"Keep wondering," Hiccup coughed.

"I'll bet it's softer in some places than in others."

With that, the younger boy jumped and dragged his half frozen self over to one of the opposite walls, keeping his knees drawn to his chest and shivering even harder. He really wished that he would spontaneously disappear, his heart beginning to pound cold, sluggish blood through his shrunken veins and his empty belly turning into a hard ball of nerves. The guard laughed, got up and followed him, before kneeling down in front of Hiccup again.

"I'll make you a deal," he said, "I brought water for you."

He held out the bowl he was carrying as proof, and Hiccup's vision tunneled until it was all he could see. The sound of the liquid sloshing around inside of the bowl was heavenly, and his throat ached all the more at how clear and cool it looked. He could practically taste it, and almost of its own volition, his hand reached out for the bowl. However, of course, it was pulled out of his reach, and the guard leaned forward until he and Hiccup were almost nose to nose, the boy pulling his head back until it bumped against the stone wall.

"I'll give you the water," the guard offered, "if you give me a kiss."

Hiccup narrowed his eyes, fury rising hard and fast in him, and he croaked out a favorite phrase of Astrid's. "Eat shit."

The other man raised an eyebrow, shrugged, and began to stand up, saying, "Fine. I'll come back in another two days to see if you've changed your mind. Though I doubt you'll last that long without water."

He was right. Hell, Hiccup probably wouldn't last another day without water, let alone two. Astrid flashed through his mind, and he knew he had to stay alive long enough for her to find him, however long enough from now that may be.

"Wait," Hiccup stopped him, falling into yet another coughing fit.

The guard froze, and looked down at him, smirking suggestively. "Yes?"

The boy sighed deeply, trying to focus on a memory of Astrid's smiling face as he pushed out, "Just one kiss?"

The guard kneeled down again. "Just one."

Hiccup watched as he leaned forward and waited expectantly. The boy swallowed hard, or at least tried to, even though there was no moisture in his mouth. For Astrid, to see Astrid again, he would do this. So, screwing his eyes shut, he leaned forward and pecked the guard on the cheek, before leaning his head back again as quickly as possible. When he opened his eyes again, the guard was glaring at him, extremely offended.

"That's not a real kiss," he scoffed, "Come on, boy, you said you had a girlfriend. I know you know what a proper kiss is."

"My name is Hiccup."

"Strange name, but I suppose it doesn't matter when someone is as lovely as you. Now come on, before I change my mind and head out that door."

Hiccup steeled himself again, knowing the sooner that he got this over with, the sooner he would get his much needed water. Once more, he shut his eyes, pictured Astrid in his mind's eye, and apologized to her, telling his memory of her how much he loved her. And then, biting his teeth, he leaned forward and met his lips.

Now, he had expected the other man's lips to taste salty, dry, and overall unpleasant but mostly bearable. And they were all that, but he did not expect the guard to force his tongue past his lips and dig his fingers into his hair, holding him in place. It took everything in Hiccup to not panic, though his stomach did roll with revulsion. The other man's tongue tasted, not unpleasant itself, but what it signified made Hiccup feel sick and dirty down to his bones. The wet sounds their mouths made had his hands balling into fists by his sides, and he held himself back from leaping away with a great effort. He wished someone would miraculously show up and stop all of this from happening, some kind of hero with uncanny timing. He had been lucky in that way thus far.

But he knew there would be no one like Aelfgifu or Selindra in a place like this.

Finally, the guard pulled away, and Hiccup felt a string of saliva snap back against his chin. He shivered in horror, his whimper lost in a throat too dry to produce it, and the guard tasted his lips.

"Very nice," he complimented, "No wonder your girlfriend stays around. You have a pretty mouth and nice, soft lips. I think you've earned this."

He presented the shivering Viking with the bowl of water, and Hiccup snatched it quickly before he could retract it. He put it to his lips and began gulping the water down noisily and furiously, his shivering switching from cold to elation and relief. Some of the water rolled down his chin, and the water itself tasted slightly bitter, but Hiccup didn't care. He could feel life and energy returning to his dried up cells with every swallow, and he didn't stop until the bowl was completely empty, gasping when he did so. It felt strange to do so, but he even reveled in the sensation of the newly aching muscles in his throat, sore now because he had forced it to work so hard and so fast, but it had been worth it. Even so, feeling pathetic as he did so, he licked the damp bowl clean, making sure he didn't miss any stray drops. Apparently, this was the worst thing he could have done, because his head snapped up when he heard the guard's next words.

"You have a nice tongue, too. I have a feeling it'll be getting you a lot more food and water during your stay here."

And before Hiccup could reply, he took the bowl from his hands, before he left the cell, closing the creaking door behind him and chuckling to himself.

000

The same guard returned several times to Hiccup's cell, and since he never offered up a name, and nor did Hiccup ever desire to ask for it, the Viking simply started calling him "the Dude" in his head. It was the best his weary brain could come up with, and the guy was so creepy that even if he did give him his name, Hiccup would have felt unclean saying it.

So far, the protocol had stayed the same. The Dude would come into Hiccup's cell with water and ask for a kiss in exchange. Hiccup would then swallow his pride, try and will himself out of being, and let the other man run his tongue along the backs of his teeth and along his gums. But that was the price for water.

Apparently, his price was much different for a meal.

The Dude came in on day five of Hiccup's stay, and saying that his hunger was desperate at this point was a laughable understatement. If someone had quite literally told him to eat shit now, he wasn't so sure he'd refuse if it meant something would be in his stomach. It was so empty that it was painful, and Hiccup had spent more than one afternoon crying in frustration because he was powerless to soothe the constant ache. He knew his tears wouldn't fill his belly, he couldn't help it. Not only that, but his hunger was so severe that it prevented him from sleeping for more than a couple hours at a time before his stomach woke him with horrendous pangs, uselessly letting him know how badly it needed food. So now exhaustion was added to his list of problems, and it appeared that the refuge of sleep, something Hiccup had relied on for the past few months to help keep his sanity, was being denied to him.

But Hiccup knew that the body was like a trading post, and food and sleep were like forms of payment. You could skip a few payments if you knew the person well, and if your body was well taken care of, you could skip a few meals and a few nights of sleep. But the day would come to pay later, when the lack of food and sleep would catch up to you, and you would be forced to pay it back all at once. Hiccup wondered how far away that day was for him.

The Dude's by now familiar clomping footsteps came into the cell, and Hiccup opened his eyes slowly, nearly blinded by the torchlight. When his eyes adjusted to the by now unfamiliar concept of light, he saw that the silhouette above him was carrying two bowls. They went through the process of the vile kiss for the water, and then the guard showed him the second bowl. And to Hiccup's utter delight and surprise, it was filled a lukewarm, thin stew.

Just the sight of it was enough to set his mouth to watering fiercely, and when the smell reached his nose it nearly drove him crazy with want. His only thought was to rip the bowl from the Dude's hands and fill his stomach with the stew as quickly as humanly possible. But when he scooted forward to do just that, of course, the bowl was pulled out of his reach and Hiccup was too weak to try and fight for it.

"You don't think I'd let you have this just like that, do you?" the Dude said condescendingly.

The starving boy felt his ire rising quickly, so quickly that he couldn't stop himself from retorting, "You're disgusting. What, is there a price for everything with you? Do you not have any decency left? Does _anyone_ in this place have any decency?"

The Dude grinned down at him, and Hiccup almost flinched. He had come to hate that grin, a grin that promised things that he knew he wouldn't like.

"I'll let you in on a secret," he said, "Most of the guards in here are prisoners as well, prisoners that have done far worse things than kill a few Roman soldiers."

Hiccup's eyes widened, and he looked up at the man with a renewed sense of fear, especially when he finished with, "But fucking a few noble-born young men isn't enough to get you arrested either, apparently. Torturing them and then killing them afterwards, well…"

He smirked slightly, and Hiccup continued to stare at him with horror, his hunger all but fleeing after hearing those words.

"So my methods of payment should come as no surprise to you, really. Really, you should be thankful that what I've done thus far is _all_ I've done thus far."

With that, his fingers went to his pants, and Hiccup watched as he undid them, before the man pulled himself out. And, to the Viking's utter shock, he placed his penis in the bowl of stew.

Hiccup let out a sharp cry that was a mixture of outrage, frustration, and disgust, while the Dude simply smiled at his reaction and told him, "This is your new price. If you want to eat, this is how you're going to do it."

Hiccup's mouth opened and shut several times, refusing to comprehend what he was hearing, before he managed to stutter, "You want me to…?" he couldn't even say it, the idea was so revolting.

The Dude shrugged, "You eat it off my cock or you don't eat at all."

The boy wanted to scream every curse word he knew at the man, to break down and cry, to say he'd rather die than perform that act, and he hated himself for not doing so. He hated himself for not rejecting him outright, but he knew why he didn't; because he wasn't in a position to do so. If he refused, if he didn't play by this vile man's rules, he wouldn't survive. That still didn't stop him from hesitating for several moments, shaking with cold, humiliation, and indecision.

"I'm waiting," the guard reminded him sharply, and by his tone it sounded as if he wouldn't wait for much longer.

Hiccup bit his lip, eyes scanning the ground for an answer, trying to look anywhere but the man's cock dripping with broth. Eventually, his suffering stomach made up his mind for him, growling pitifully but echoing loudly in the stillness of the cell. He winced from the pain, and the guard smiled knowingly.

"It's getting cold," the Dude told him, glancing towards his crotch, and Hiccup finally relented, emitting a trembling, defeated sigh, before scooting over and situating himself between the man's knees. Swallowing hard, he tried very hard to shut off his five senses, and switch over to autopilot for a bit, hoping it would lessen the degradation. Hiccup was quite proud of himself when he barely felt himself take the guard's cock in hand, but they may have been due to the fact that his fingertips were numb with cold.

_Gods Astrid, I love you,_ he voiced to the image of Astrid he kept inside him, _I love you so much, and I'll never be sorry enough for this._

The guard chuckled down at him and observed, "You're obedient too. Could you get any more perfect?"

But he didn't let Hiccup answer. Instead, he grabbed the younger man by the back of his head and shoved him forward.

000

What seemed like an eternity later, Hiccup was curled up in a ball on the floor, feeling the rift that had been forming in his mind these past four months grow wider. It was getting harder to tell what was real and what wasn't anymore, and constantly distancing himself from reality wasn't helping.

But he didn't know what else to do anymore.

His ribs were shuddering around sobs that were trying to escape, but he refused to release. Crying wouldn't accomplish anything, except to make him feel more miserable. That's what he tried to tell himself. He had no reason to feel miserable anymore. His stomach was finally quiet now, calmed by the presence of food. That was more than enough to be thankful for in this situation.

He wouldn't think about what he had to do in order to get that food. He wouldn't. He couldn't. He-

" _What a good little whore you are. That's it, swallow it, swallow my dick you filthy"-_

Hiccup bit his fist, his ribs shuddering harder, unable to hold back a whimper. The whimper soon turned into a quiet cry, and he tried as hard as he could to stop thinking. But his resistance was like paper, the memories like fire, and he was just as powerless to stop the memories as paper is to stop fire from burning it.

" _Isn't it nice that I can make you do whatever I want and you can't fight back?"_

" _Gods you have a nice mouth. But I'll bet your asshole is even better."_

" _You like the taste of it? I'll bet you do. Too bad your girl isn't here, I'd make her watch."_

Hiccup felt the tears start, the only warmth his body seemed capable of producing, and he wanted to die. But he knew he couldn't. Not only was there no physical way he could kill himself in this cell, he had a reason to hold on that was far stronger than he wish to end it all.

And he cried her name into the dirt, wishing for the warmth of her embrace with every scrap of strength left in him.

  


	19. The Pendulum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the previous chapter.

The days were barely discernable before, but now they truly began to blend together into one long night. Every moment Hiccup was awake was filled with the unknown, and his cell became a nightmare he couldn't escape.

The Dude soon wasn't satisfied with kisses and blowjobs anymore. When he offered Hiccup extra food and water, naturally he upped the price as well. And as the price raised, so too did the level of Hiccup's degradation.

That was how he found himself face down, in the dirt, pants around his calves, while his guard took him from behind.

Hiccup curled in on himself, trying to distance himself once again from his five senses. He tried to pretend that he couldn't hear the slap of skin against skin, or feel the horrible, burning pain in his rear. He acted like the Dude's grunts of pleasure weren't really happening over his head, and he himself went completely quiet. He pretended that his body wasn't reacting to the stimulation in any way, and that he was miles and miles away from here. In his mind, Astrid had already found him, and he was safe at home, where his family and friends would make sure no one ever hurt him again.

" _You're okay now," she whispered, holding him to her chest. Hiccup nuzzled his face into her shoulder and sighed, hooking his arms under hers and pressing his palms against her shoulder blades. He was sitting partway in her lap, and the sun shining down on them was bright and warm._

His forehead was pushed further into the dirt, and Hiccup's hands balled into fists. He suddenly yelped sharply, and looked down between his legs to see the Dude had yanked on his erection harshly.

"Don't you dare disappear on me," he snapped, "I want you paying attention. You don't get your food until I come in you, and I won't come unless I hear you make some noise."

Another rough tug, and Hiccup yipped again. The Dude's thrusting became faster and harder, and thus the pain increased tenfold. Hiccup felt as if his insides were being torn apart. He tried to squirm away, breaking several nails on the stone in his scrabbling. He felt the guard's penis slip out of him for a moment, but he couldn't break the iron grip of those unforgiving hands. Hiccup kicked backward reflexively, and he hit something that felt like a leg. In retaliation, his captor rammed himself back inside, and Hiccup shrieked from the pain.

" _I'm here," Astrid assured him, pressing a kiss into his hair. Hiccup gripped her a little tighter, pushing his face into her shoulder a little harder, finding comfort in a darkness that smelled like her._

" _Take me home," Hiccup begged breathlessly, "Please, Astrid. Help me."_

Just when he thought it would never end, the Dude finally pulled out of him, panting, and letting his grip on Hiccup weaken just enough that the boy was allowed to collapse in a heap on the floor. He was afraid to move his legs, because there was a painful throbbing between them, and his thighs felt like jelly. In his half aware state, he realized there was a warm, wet substance dripping leaking out of his crease, and he shuddered in disgust and terror.

" _You're safe," Astrid told him, pressing her forehead against his, "You're always safe with me."_

_He felt her exhale against his lips, closed his eyes, and decided he never wanted to open them again._

Hiccup's meal was left on the ground for him, while the Dude took his leave and headed out, bored with his toy and no doubt moving on to play with the next one. The boy simply lay there, frozen, in too much shock to pull his pants back up for several minutes and in too much pain to move anyway.

When he finally felt that it was safe to move, he reached down and rubbed his fingers in the liquid seeping between his legs. A sniff revealed it to be a mixture of semen and blood, and Hiccup shivered, his appetite fleeing him immediately and completely.

"Astrid," he whispered her name like a prayer, as if she would hear it wherever she was and come to his immediate rescue.

" _You're safe," she whispered again, voice fading like the last note of a song, "I'm here."_

000

"I've finally gone mad," Hiccup murmured a few days later. To anyone passing by, they would have seen that he was talking to nothing. But the precious little food, lack of sleep, and bitter cold of his cell had begun to project Hiccup's visions beyond the inside of his mind to the outside. Right now, he was seeing Astrid, sitting a few feet away, her legs stretched out in front her and her face worried. Part of Hiccup knew this was all in his head, and yet…

She shrugged, flashing him a half smile. "Maybe you have. Do you really care at this point?"

Hiccup thought about it, before he shrugged back, finding that the answer came more easily than it should have. "No."

Perhaps his reactions were just dulled from how weak he was (he could count almost all of his ribs now just by looking at them, and his hipbones were so sharp he thought he could poke someone's eye out with them), but he found he didn't mind too much that he was beginning to see things that weren't there. Especially when it was the projection of the woman he loved, and she was looking at him so kindly.

He was delighted when she patted her knee, inviting him to come closer. Hiccup immediately tried to obey, but fell back on his knees a moment later, grimacing.

"I can't," he explained, "It hurts."

Astrid clucked sympathetically at him, and scooted closer, coming over to him instead. When she was still again, Hiccup gingerly laid down, head resting on her thigh, breath nearly lost at how solid and real she felt, how warm she was. She was here, here at last. He could almost feel heat returning to his perpetually numb extremities, feel peace leak into his chest and soothe his heart's anxious beating. Hesitantly, he reached up and placed a hand on her knee, marveling at feeling of solid bone beneath his fingers. He feebly hugged her thigh, and her fingers came up to stroke his hair against his neck.

"What hurts?" she asked gently.

Hiccup's chest kept hitching, overwhelmed by her concern after being without it for so long, even if it was just in his head. "He came in today with another guard. First time that's happened. They didn't say anything and just tied me up. So I couldn't fight back. Blindfolded me so I couldn't see what they were doing. And the Dude said he couldn't leave me for too long, I was his favorite, and he…he-"

He hugged her tighter, the cold and terror of the moment returning with a vengeance.

"I couldn't see it," he continued softly, "But all of a sudden, he started sliding something cold, hard and thin inside-inside my…groin. I was so scared, I wanted to start fighting him so bad, but I was too afraid to move. It was sharp, like it was a needle or something, and it pinched so bad all the way down. I started screaming-"

Hiccup felt Astrid lean down and press her lips to his cheek, before wrapping her arms around him as best she could, and he hid his face in her thigh, ashamed and horrified.

"And then he took me again," he finished, "Told me I made the best scared face, and that if I made enough noise he wouldn't cut my dick in half from the inside. I-gods Astrid, get me out of here! I want to go home! I hurt everywhere, and I'm scared every minute of every day, and I can't do it anymore."

"Shh," she said, and it was then that Hiccup realized tears were indeed dripping over the bridge of his nose. He was shivering so hard that his head was beginning to ache as well, and he just wanted her to make it all stop.

"Everything couldn't have been all bad," Astrid insisted after a moment, "Something good must have happened while you were away from home."

Hiccup honestly didn't feel like playing this game right now. She did this sometimes, tried to get him to take his mind off a bad situation by talking about something happy. It made him feel like a child. But at the same time, he was so tired of being so scared, and his hope was dwindling so fast, that perhaps this was what he needed.

So after a moment, he replied to her softly, "I made a friend."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Aelfgifu. You would have liked her. She…heh, she was an Angle, but she wanted to be a Viking so bad after she met me. Isn't that funny?"

"An Angle wanting to be a Viking?" Astrid wondered disbelievingly, "Now I've heard everything. Though I suppose if anyone could convince anyone to change, it'd be you. You're very good at that."

She tapped him on the nose with her pointer finger, and Hiccup wrinkled his nose at her in response. The anxiety that tightened his chest and made his pulse race seemed to loosen its grip, and even if it was just slightly.

"You would have liked her," Hiccup repeated, continuing to hold her leg, "You…she-she died. For me. So I could find you again. But I was glad I could have known her, even just for a little bit. She reminded me so much of you, that it was almost like I had a piece of you with me all the time. She even fussed over me like you do."

"Thank the gods. I'm glad someone else was there to make sure you remembered to eat every day and get enough sleep."

"I get sidetracked. Besides, I eat and sleep."

"Uh huh. 'When you have time.' Those aren't the sorts of things you save for 'when you have time,' Hiccup."

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks _mom_."

Hiccup sounded annoyed when he said that, but he was smiling. It felt good to banter about something he and Astrid had argued over time and time again. But as soon as the good feelings rose, they were smothered again.

"I feel like it's my fault Aelfgifu is dead," Hiccup said sadly, "And Selindra too. They both gave up their lives to protect me. Why would they do that? I didn't do anything for them."

"Yes you did."

Hiccup jumped. That voice wasn't Astrid's. He glanced upwards sharply to see that her face had been replaced by Selindra's, and he gasped. "You…was that you the whole time? Was Astrid here at all?"

She smiled kindly down at him. "Who knows. But I told you that Aelfgifu is still with you, didn't I? She's protecting you."

His head began to pound in confusion, and suddenly he heard footsteps begin to clomp down the hallway towards his cell, getting louder and louder. Hiccup's heart shot up into his throat.

"Selindra"- he began, his voice a breathless whisper, but her form was beginning to fade. Hiccup shook his head desperately, watching as her face seemed to switch back and forth between her own and Astrid's. Both faces were regarding him sadly.

"No," Hiccup gasped, "Don't leave me. He's coming, don't leave me!"

When she spoke for the last time, her voice was clearly Astrid's, and for some reason, that made it all the worse. "I'm sorry, babe."

And then she vanished, like fog in the sunlight. The footsteps stopped in front of Hiccup's cell, and the door creaked open. Terror clawed his belly and forced his breaths to become sharp and shallow. A cold sweat broke out over his back and under his arms, chasing away any traces of the calm and warmth that had been present only a few moments before.

The Dude loomed over him, this time with two of his friends, each of them holding phallic looking objects that they no doubt had sinister plans for, and Hiccup could do nothing more than tremble and pray.

000

It had been quiet for a few days now. Or at least, it might have been a few days. It could have been a few weeks, or months, for all he knew. Time had ceased to have any meaning for Hiccup long ago.

One day, all of the guards had simply disappeared with no explanation as to where they were going or why. They had just up and left, abandoning the prison and all the prisoners left in it. Hiccup hadn't seen any light for quite a while, and the silence was so prevalent, that he assumed that many of the prisoners were dying off, finally succumbing to the lack of water.

Hiccup felt he wasn't far behind them.

Not too long ago, he had felt a fever begin to creep into his body, filling his head and making it woozy, deadening his limbs and oddly enough offering a little mercy in the form of returning some of the feeling to his numb fingers and toes. The downside was that he could feel his temperature crawling gradually higher and higher, and as it did he began to feel worse and worse.

Hiccup had heard once that starvation itself was rarely the reason a person died; usually a disease that their weakened body just couldn't fight off that got them. However, Hiccup was pretty sure he hadn't caught something in the air, but rather had contracted an infection that likely was his own fault. The constant assaults by the Dude and his friends had taken their toll, and not just psychologically. Their actions kept re-opening a wound in Hiccup's back passage before it could heal. And yet, Hiccup still had to relieve himself every day (an act so painful he felt as though he was trying to pass shards of glass) and the toxicity of his own waste must have been enough to cause an infection. When he had figured it out, Hiccup had tried to hold his waste in so as not to make it worse, but that had only made him feel sicker.

So, here he was now. So weak he couldn't lift his head, and so hopeless that he didn't care to anyway.

Hiccup felt his insides gurgle pitifully, but he knew it wasn't because they were crying out for a meal; his stomach seemed to have gotten the idea that food wasn't going to come, and had finally gone quiet. No, the noises indicated impending nausea. Hiccup felt saliva collecting in his mouth, and almost at the same moment, felt dread collecting in his chest. He wasn't strong enough to sit up to vomit. Hell, he doubted he was strong enough to vomit, period. For several minutes, he lay there in agony, feeling his stomach contract and the sickness grow, before Hiccup at last felt the bile rising up his throat. And just as he thought, he was unable to force strength into his arms to lift himself up, so he ended up vomiting where he lay, or rather, dry heaving. To make matters worse, at that same moment, he also lost momentary control of his bowels. And worst of all, when it was all over and Hiccup lay there panting, he realized he was too weak to move himself away from his own mess.

_So this is how it ends,_ Hiccup thought wryly, _I die covered in my own shit._

Under any other circumstances, he would have found a dark sense of humor to it. But as devoid of hope as he was, as sick and frightened as he felt, he only wanted to cry. He was going to die alone, in the dark, never seeing home again. It would be unlikely that anyone he knew would find his body, if anyone ever did. And he couldn't help but think that, given how awful he felt and how fuzzy his mind was, he didn't have long before he'd draw his last breath. Hiccup just hoped death wouldn't hurt.

He wished he could hug his parents again and say how much he loved them. He wished he could go on one more flight with Toothless and feel the clouds misting against his face. But most of all, he wished could have asked Astrid to marry him. But maybe that was all for the better; it might hurt her less this way if she never knew his intentions. Yet his parents would probably tell her anyway. He could only wish that despite that, she lived a long, happy life, even if it meant he wasn't a part of it.

Hiccup sighed, and as the air left his lungs, he felt his last spark of hope drain from him as well.

He must have fallen asleep without knowing, because suddenly Hiccup was startled awake by the sound of running footsteps pounding against the stone floor. However, to his fevered brain, they sounded much further away than they really were, and they were slowed dramatically. He lifted his head slightly, listening. Hiccup immediately felt nervous, heart trying to pound, but his muscles too depleted to use the extra blood being supplied to them. Whoever was here, and whatever they wanted, he'd be helpless to stop them.

He let his head fall to the ground again, sighing.

Just then, the footsteps quieted, and a few muted voices took their place. Hiccup felt his eyes drooping again, wishing they would just stop so he could sleep, even if it meant he wouldn't wake up again. His eyes drifted shut, only to open again at the presence of a light floating towards him in the darkness. It was so bright, but what was the sun doing inside like this? Was he finally dying? He thought he'd be warmer than this. All he could hear were his own breaths, shallow, slow and rattling horribly.

Suddenly, Hiccup felt a clammy, hesitant hand on his shoulder, and stiffly, he lifted his head again to see the face of the Valkyrie taking him away.

No! No, oh the gods couldn't be this cruel, they just couldn't do this to him! Strength born of powerful shock set his body in motion, sending him jerking upwards and crawling as fast as he could towards the wall just a few inches away. He was trapped, and the faces of his deepest desire and biggest regret stared at him, wavering between the both of them. But who was it really this time, the woman he loved, or the woman that pretended to be her?

"No more," Hiccup moaned, his dry vocal chords straining, "Nomorenomorenomore, please, _please_. Oh Astrid, where are you? It's dark and I'm so cold and tired and I hurt!"

Where was she? Clearly this mirage in front of him couldn't be her. He just wanted her to be here for his last moments, to soothe him as the pain claimed him. He couldn't take any more of this; his mind was falling to pieces and he just wanted it to end before it got worse. But, like so many moments of agony before, there was no one there to ease his pain. He had to do it himself. "Shh now, easy boy, I won't hurt you, trust me trust me…"

He had to hide his face. The creature wearing Astrid's face was still looking at him with so much worry and love that he couldn't stand it. He buried his face in his arms and began rocking back and forth, hugging his knees to his chest, hoping she'd go away if he ignored her. But of course, she didn't.

"Hiccup," she said, "it's me. It's Astrid. I'm here, and I'm taking you home."

"No!" he exclaimed, shaking his head hard in disbelief. It wasn't her! He'd believed that too many times, and each time he'd been disappointed. "Stop it! I'm not falling for it this time"-

"Hush," the apparition murmured softly, touching his shoulder again, and he flinched violently away. Yet he could quickly feel his strength draining, and his next words came out tired and almost apathetic. "Go away. Or am I dead? Please tell me I am. I want to go home."

The woman touched his shoulder yet again, and Hiccup was too weak to keep avoiding her. So he sat there, perfectly still, feeling his fingers stroke up his neck and into his hair, and he bit his lip. He couldn't stand how gentle and soft her touch was, how innocent and comforting her fingers were. It had been so long since someone had touched him like this, and whether she was real or not, Hiccup leaned into her hand, throat tightening and ribs shuddering around the beginnings of tears.

Gods, whether she turned out to be real, or if she really was just another figment, either option might just destroy him.

But if she was real, perhaps the knowledge would only destroy him for a moment, and then finally begin to rebuild him again.

"Astrid..?"

"Yeah," she answered, "I love you."

There was a smile in her voice, so genuine, so very much there, that he couldn't ignore it. And she had said she loved him in a voice he hadn't heard in an eternity in a way he'd remember anywhere, even if he had gone blind and deaf. He'd still know it, and he'd still know her. And she was here.

She was _here_. Against all odds and obstacles, she was really here. Her hands were firm, and no matter how long he stared at her, she remained, the lantern light on her belt highlighting her face and the familiar spikes on her skirt. It was-she was…

_She was here_.

Hiccup wrenched himself away from the wall and into her arms, hugging her around the waist and burying his face in her stomach. His chest heaved, and collapsed into a sob filled with relief and suffering, of pain from his physical body and pain that ran much deeper. But Astrid had found him, and as she wrapped her arms around him, he knew she wasn't going to let him go. And he didn't want her to. Little did he know the road that still lay ahead of him, and that things would get worse before they got better, but none of that registered in the slightest. What did it matter anyway? It was over, and he wasn't alone anymore.

He was going home.

 


End file.
